Please nominate the most irritating, ear-grating, vomitously sappy, wildly offensive, or otherwise horrifying song, of any era, in any language. Ideally, with a youtube link. (If the horror is partly due to lyrics and they're not in English, please tell me what they mean.)

This is open to anything, including joke songs, avant-garde songs that might secretly be jokes, etc. The only nominees I don't want are songs that you only dislike because you have completely personal bad associations, like that it was playing when your true love dumped you. They should be annoying because of inherent qualities in the song itself. Though being relentlessly over-played can add to the horror. You may make several nominations.

Yes, I am aware of Dave Barry's "Bad Songs" column. It's one of my all-time favorites.

I will start off the race to the bottom with a song that makes me want to rip my ears off every year, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Also They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Ha, which I believe has been scientifically proven to induce psychosis. In me, anyway.

ETA: This may be a case of "personal bad associations," but I had a much-loathed roommate whose alarm clock was John Denver's Leaving on a Jet Plane. She always played the entire song, so every morning I was forced to listen to John Denver leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaving on a jet plane. Go on! LEAVE.
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meara: (Default)

From: [personal profile] meara


I say this possibly only because it's on my mind, because we watched Best Little Whorehouse in Texas last night, but "I Will Always Love You" (particularly the Whitney version) drives me batty.

I will also say that Toby Keith song about putting a boot in the ass of terrorists, and the other one about how justice is served when you hang people from a tree and drink with your horses both also annoy the crap out of me (the latter because all I can think of is lynching, not justice)
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)

From: [personal profile] sholio


oh god yes, that Toby Keith song ("Beer For My Horses") is INSTANT change-the-radio-station material for me whenever I happen to accidentally station-surf across it, for that exact reason. Youtube link and also lyrics for the morbidly curious. (It still annoys me that Willie Nelson is associated with it, because I quite like him otherwise!)
movingfinger: (Default)

From: [personal profile] movingfinger


I think you could put that label on any Christmas song and I would agree.
shati: korra gapes in horror; lightning crashes ([korra] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK)

From: [personal profile] shati


Summer Girls, LFO. I don't feel that I can speak to the worst song of all time in the world, but it's the worst song in my life.

A randomly selected verse:

Hip hop marmalade spic and span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
laurashapiro: a woman sits at a kitchen table reading a book, cup of tea in hand. Table has a sliced apple and teapot. A cat looks on. (Default)

From: [personal profile] laurashapiro


Surely "Friday" should be at or near the top of any such list.
minxy: Teal'c raises a hand to say "hey". (Default)

From: [personal profile] minxy


There's a current song out there right now called "Happy", that is too catchy for such a vapid, annoying message. Clap if you're happy? That's a Raffi song, IMO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B3TlL16W2k

But this really redeems it, actually: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsWo8apgLys

I've always found Rod Stewart inherently annoying, both for the womanizing and the not-sincere love songs, but that may be personal bias.
oursin: Brush the Wandering Hedgehog by the fire (Default)

From: [personal profile] oursin


Bobby Goldsboro, Honey (pass the sickbag)
Hank Williams (though I think there are other versions, in fact I think the one I remember was a woman singer but can't remember who - might be this one), Nobody's Child (not so much mawk-ish, as the full and entire MAWK to the max)
And one I am not even sure of the title or who sang it, except it was more of a recitative, about a man waiting in the hospital while his wife is giving birth, and he's asked to choose which one of them to save because bad stuff is happening, and he has a conversation with God, and then he dies instead of eithr of them so they both pull through and please can I have a machine-gun NOW?
oursin: Brush the Wandering Hedgehog by the fire (Default)

From: [personal profile] oursin


And how could I forget (would that I could erase it from memory) Tell Laura I Love Her.
lferion: (HL_mood_M_whompystick)

From: [personal profile] lferion


For me: Blueberry Hill by Fats Domino. This song makes me want to break things, and I can't even pinpoint why. (I dislike all versions -- though not all Fats Domino songs -- but this version is particularly grating.) This is also a song I cannot not hear, and was on the tape-loop of muzak in more than one place I worked, so the repetition has not helped.

What various people have said about The Christmas Shoes, I Saw Mommy etc, to which I add Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer.
ironed_orchid: pin up girl reading kant (Default)

From: [personal profile] ironed_orchid


YES!

And I say this as a Bowie fan. I sort of wish that whole album could be erased from existence.
actiaslunaris: Music - microphone with heart - KOH+ KISSして screencap (sing sing sing)

From: [personal profile] actiaslunaris


Sentimental Journey by Doris Day. (Very subjectively, probably.)
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)

From: [personal profile] sholio


Semisonic's Closing Time used to make me want to shriek during the time when it was being played on the radio all the time. I don't know if it's the worst song ever, but the insanely repetitive lyrics and melody is like someone took all the most annoying elements of bad pop music and cranked it up to eleven. (And just the amount of earworming induced by "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Ha!" is making me want to earworm myself with something else, FAST. Though not "Closing Time".)
rhivolution: the Tenth Doctor, looking mightily pissed off (gonna cut you: the Tenth Doctor)

From: [personal profile] rhivolution


MacArthur Park. But if you read Dave Barry, you know that already. I don't care if the cake is a lie or a metaphor, it's just wrong.

Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" is probably what I'd play to torture someone. It's not only messed up patriotic bullshit, it's mawkish and treacly in the process.

As for songs people generally like, I irrationally hate both 'Imagine' by John Lennon, and 'Space Oddity' by David Bowie, both of which make me want to set fire to the room for no real reason.

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] julian - Date: 2014-07-27 05:52 am (UTC) - Expand
vass: XKCD comic: Elaine Roberts plays drums, caption she even for a time took up drumming." (Riot Prrl 2)

From: [personal profile] vass


Over here the ice cream vans, all of them, play the Carousel Waltz. Except only the melodic line, and only the first half of the first line, and it starts on scale degree 2 and ends on scale degree 3, and then repeats endlessly, like a sentence fragment missing the verb and the object, over and over until you die.
vass: cover of album "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas" (Yuletide Hippopotamus)

From: [personal profile] vass


Oh, and re 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus', are you aware of the HP Lovecraft Society's Christmas album? It helps me survive the lead-up to Christmas every year, by mitigating the earworms everywhere.

For example, 'I Saw Mommy...' is a lot more palatable when it's 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Yog-Sothoth'.
green_knight: (Default)

From: [personal profile] green_knight


Bookmarked for nearer Christmas. This has been on my 'to buy' list for about ten years, but every time I have money I tend to forget about it. Thanks for reminding me.
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)

From: [personal profile] snarp


Ticks, by Brad Paisley - in which a dude talks about the object of his desire as if she is a dog.

Cooler Online, also by Brad Paisley - in which a dude who does not use the internet attempts to make fun of dudes who use the internet.

I didn't realize that these were both by the same guy until I googled the lyrics just now. I guess I don't like Brad Paisley.

And I can't find the name, but there's this infuriatingly tuneless country song that I keep hearing at the grocery, strenuously exhorting the listener to be content with their lot if they are employed and not yet homeless. Do not rise up against your corporate masters! This message brought to you by StrexCorp. (I bet it's by Brad Paisley.)
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)

From: [personal profile] snarp


Oh, no, wait, the worst song is Toes, by Zac Brown. Look at these fucking lyrics.

"Adios and vaya con Dios
A long way from GA
Yes, and all the muchachas, they call me big poppa
When I throw pesos their way"

"my bartender, she's from the islands
Her body's been kissed by the sun
And coconut replaces the smell of the bar
And I don't know if it's her or the rum"

what the fucking hell
kate_nepveu: sleeping cat carved in brown wood (Default)

From: [personal profile] kate_nepveu


I was going to nominate "Oh My Darling Clementine" but Wikipedia claims it is in fact a parody.

My next option is "Friday," which the kids are sadly fond of in the Stephen Colbert-Jimmy Fallon-Taylor Hicks version ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_BszJzLyxI ), which not even that lineup can redeem. This might be punching down, but god _damn_ that thing is an earworm.

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] kate_nepveu - Date: 2014-07-27 02:30 am (UTC) - Expand
gehayi: (joanneannoyed (silver_sunn101))

From: [personal profile] gehayi


"The Christmas Shoes" sung by Newsong. Dear GOD, do I hate that pile of mealy-mouthed treacle. And wow, it features a terrific God. He kills a little boy's mom at Christmastime so that a misanthropic curmudgeon can learn what Christmas is all about. (Patton Oswalt does a GREAT takedown of it, though. Vulgar as hell, but it makes me laugh.)

"The Little Girl" sung by John Michael Montgomery. Based on an equally glurgy urban legend, this song could not get more judgmental about atheists. The song goes out of its way to point out that the nameless little girl's birth parents are atheists before informing us that they are also neglectful, alcoholic (in the case of the father), drug-addicted (in the case of the mother) and abusive to the point of violence. The song implies pretty strongly that there's a correlation between the atheism and their other personality flaws.

Oh, and paintings of Jesus are the same thing as hyper-realistic photographs, apparently.

"Witch Doctor." A joke song by David Seville (the guy who originated Alvin and the Chipmunks"), this little number has everything: racist depiction, cultural appropriation, a white guy playing a black guy, and some of the screechiest notes you've ever heard.

The Chimney Song by Bob Rivers. Santa gets stuck in a chimney and dies. I think that the perkiness of the little-girl narrator makes it just a tad unsettling.

Toby Keith. Just...Toby Keith. But if I had to name songs of his that I actively hate, they would be "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" (which I will name as a contributing factor in starting the war with Iraq until the day I die), "The Taliban Song" (which is basically a hymn to stereotyping and American ignorance) and "Beer for My Horses" (because Keith thought that the world was crying out for a pro-lynching song).

ETA: Almost forgot--"Imma Be" by the Black-Eyed Peas. There's no tune, there are no lyrics, and it's fucking STUPID.

Edited Date: 2014-07-27 08:57 am (UTC)
musesfool: text icon: Shakespeare hates your emo poems (Default)

From: [personal profile] musesfool


Too Shy by Kajagoogoo. It makes me want to claw my face off.
recessional: a small blue-paisley teapot with a blue mug (Default)

From: [personal profile] recessional


The Pearl Jam version of "Oh Where Can My Baby Be". With which I have just fucking earwormed myself by remembering.
jinian: (worms' meat)

From: [personal profile] jinian


ARGH this is the first comment I have actually agreed with completely
londonkds: (BLOOD AND TITTIES FOR LORD CHIBNALL!!! ()

From: [personal profile] londonkds


"Wannabe" by the Spice Girls made me loathe them irrationally for the entire duration of their career.
enemyofperfect: a spray of orange leaves against a muted background (Default)

From: [personal profile] enemyofperfect


Oh my gosh, I hate "Leaving on a Jet Plane". Some of the covers are okay (and I rather like Chantal Kreviazuk's, though preferably without the astronauts), but when Denver's singing it, I just want to claw my face off. Oh sweetheart, I've been cheating on you all over the place, but it totally doesn't matter, because I'm telling you now -- all winsome and self-satisfied -- that none of it meant anything, and that's totally my call to make! SHUT UP, SMUG HABITUALLY CHEATING SINGER DUDE. There are a lot of earwormable songs with deeply terrible lyrics, but the way this one tries to be not just romantic or charming but wholesome cranks my disproportionate outrage up that extra notch, I think.
tazlet: (Default)

From: [personal profile] tazlet


It takes the 60's for true horror:

Chewy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9qb6Qtk7Kg

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSSOFlbvr3E

Sweet Pea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCKXxJRgVgc

Indian Lake: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnjwW9aUn08

And because they shouldn't all be totally awful (but you'll never get it out of your head):

Take me to the Emerald City: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7Yo4sFXLkc
dorothean: detail of painting of Gandalf, Frodo, and Gimli at the Gates of Moria, trying to figure out how to open them (Default)

From: [personal profile] dorothean


There's one that my boyfriend and I would both agree on -- I think it's called "Love and Marriage" and Frank Sinatra sang it. It has an earwormy tune and the immortal rhyme: "Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage."

My boyfriend's dad likes to listen to a radio station that plays NOTHING BUT FRANK SINATRA. It's like an Italian restaurant with no imagination, and no background noise of other people eating and talking to distract from it.

We once spent two weeks in a tiny house in Washington State with my boyfriend's dad and his radio, which we were trapped with when it was too rainy to go hiking.

If we never get married this will be why.
cadenzamuse: Cross-legged girl literally drawing the world around her into being (Default)

From: [personal profile] cadenzamuse


I feel that leaving out "I Know a Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves", "The Song That Never Ends", and "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" is a huge oversight.

Also, "99 Luftballons." I don't know why, but if I think about it at all, I get earwormed and it never goes awaaaaaaaaaaaay.
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)

From: [personal profile] sholio


Especially any of the above three songs as sung by a 9-year-old who WILL. NOT. STOP. (Not that this has ever happened to me or anything.)

From: [personal profile] indywind


"American Woman" by the Guess Who.

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