rachelmanija: (Ratties)
( Jan. 16th, 2011 09:08 am)
Asakiyume at made the suggestion of alternative zodiacs, and I went a little berserk in her comments. I'm reposting my rodent zodiac here.

Which rodent are you? Which rodent am I?

Rat: Those born under the sign of the rat are clever, energetic, industrious, quick-witted, and fun-loving. They sometimes speak without thinking and act without planning, but you can always count on a rat to raise low spirits and tackle problems with enthusiasm. Rats make excellent employees, so long as their work day allows them some freedom and minor errors won't have terrible consequences.

Mouse: Mice are shy and, if their grain influence is lacking, may be prone to social anxiety, agoraphobia, and other disorders. They are kind-hearted and worth listening to, if you have the patience to draw them out. As they are introverted but intelligent and creative, they do well in artistic professions or in fields relating to computers or electronics.

Chinchilla: Those born under the sign of the chinchilla are profligate and flighty, prone to beginning and then abandoning ambitious business enterprises of dubious practicality. At worst, they may become con artists. On the positive side, chinchillas are imaginative, enthusiastic, and often very charming. A disproportionate number of movie stars and, alarmingly, politicians are chinchillas.

Mole: Industrious moles may lack sophistication and sprezzatura, but make up for it with their steadiness and determination. Moles will never be the life of the party, but their heavy dirt influence means that they do very well indeed in settings which require a team effort. Many moles join the military, where their burrow influences will also be welcome, and some rise to the highest levels. If your child is a mole, make sure he or she is given opportunities to join structured social activities, like team sports, bands, or the school play.

Squirrel: The romantic lead of the zodiac, squirrels have the strongest grain influences of any sign. Charming, passionate, eloquent, intense - who wouldn't want to be a squirrel? But later in life, squirrels may find to their sorrow that life isn't all nuts and berries, and while they were out having fun, others were forging careers and putting the necessary work into creating long-term relationships. Squirrels would be well-advised to cultivate steadier friends to give them good advice and rein them in, like king rats, moles, or capybaras.

Porcupine: The iconoclasts of the zodiac, the motto of the porcupine sometimes seems to be, "Oh yeah?" With heavy influences of both burrow and fur, porcupines hardly lack for courage or intelligence. If you marry a porcupine, you will never be bored... though be warned, they have a high divorce rate. Many porcupines succeed as artists, athletes, or entrepreneurs. Though they may become the leaders of companies, they do not make good employees in an office setting.

Chipmunk: The orderly chipmunk prefers a quiet, stable, well-regulated existence. Their natural habitat is a large company or the government, where they are often sadly under-appreciated. A chipmunk's home is his or her castle, and will invariably be both neat and cozy. Pushing a chipmunk to be more extroverted or "fun" is a waste of your time and an annoyance to the chipmunk. But if you accept chipmunks on their own terms, they are loyal friends, steadfast spouses, and very, very good employees.

Beaver: It's sometimes hard to tell, when talking to a beaver you've just met, whether they're a genius, an artist, or a raving lunatic. Or all three. Beavers don't live in the same world as the rest of us, but their strong fur and grain influences ensure that they never lack for lively conversation. Beavers are advised to invest in memory-assisting devices, and to make frequent use of them. All the same, don't expect a beaver to be on time. Most beavers are self-employed, and many are quite successful.

Hamster: More prickly than any sign but the proverbial porcupine, hamsters make entertaining friends but can be difficult to live or work with. Their lack of the steadying influences of dirt and scurry makes them prone to psychological disturbances or even run-ins with the law. However, many of our most renowned heroes have been hamsters. Their biographies reveal that they are the ones who overcame early difficulties to triumph. Still, if you are considering marriage to a hamster, carefully examine their natal chart. Hamsters without a single planet in scurry do not make good partners.

Gopher: The ebullient gopher is everyone's best friend, combining genuine friendliness with a sharp intelligence and nearly infinite patience. Gophers rarely enter artistic or creative fields, but excel in managerial jobs. They are also suited to medicine and, surprisingly, law enforcement, where their people skills serve them well. Gophers sometimes neglect themselves to focus on others, and their health may suffer as a result. If you marry a gopher, make sure they eat sensibly, get enough rest, and get regular check-ups.

Capybara: Capybaras are pillars of strength and steadiness. Their blend of dirt and scurry makes them excellent parents, and these fine qualities can also be applied to fields such as teaching or medicine. Though not particularly romantic, they can be surprisingly passionate, and when they marry compatibly, they rarely divorce. They are compatible with other capybaras, king rats, moles, gophers, and mice.

King Rat: The luckiest of signs, king rats possess the rare gifts of compassion and wisdom. They are highly skilled at problem-solving and pattern-discerning, and do well as therapists, social workers, scientists, and entrepreneurs. They can be overly serious, and may have a hard time letting go. If you are a king rat, make sure you set aside some time each month to do something utterly frivolous and fun. The most balanced king rats have enough of a grain influence to offset their strong dirt and fur influences, letting them see the necessity of both play and work.
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