I finally caught up with Romance of the Red Dust. I'm sure you'll all be as sad as I was to hear that Idiot Son (currently a war slave with the mind of six-year-old and the strength of ten) was not much in evidence, though very memorable when he did appear.

Also, I missed some episodes, so [livejournal.com profile] oyceter explained to me that Hong Fu is no longer blind or in a brothel, and Li Jing has recovered from his leech-induced paralysis. Darn.

I also want to note for the record that someone said "Hong Fu is a woe," but I forget who. Other notable translations include the handy exclamation "A bunch of craps!" and a comment which we are all still trying to figure out, "Fling off with flying horse on the plains."

Read more... )
I finally caught up with Romance of the Red Dust. I'm sure you'll all be as sad as I was to hear that Idiot Son (currently a war slave with the mind of six-year-old and the strength of ten) was not much in evidence, though very memorable when he did appear.

Also, I missed some episodes, so [livejournal.com profile] oyceter explained to me that Hong Fu is no longer blind or in a brothel, and Li Jing has recovered from his leech-induced paralysis. Darn.

I also want to note for the record that someone said "Hong Fu is a woe," but I forget who. Other notable translations include the handy exclamation "A bunch of craps!" and a comment which we are all still trying to figure out, "Fling off with flying horse on the plains."

Read more... )
It took me this long to re-start watching the series because I was worried it wouldn’t be as much fun by myself. It wasn’t, but I still nearly fell off my chair howling with laughter at several points.

Che Su ends in a crap even with wary calculation. )
It took me this long to re-start watching the series because I was worried it wouldn’t be as much fun by myself. It wasn’t, but I still nearly fell off my chair howling with laughter at several points.

Che Su ends in a crap even with wary calculation. )
It is regrettably clear that, after the promising beginning, Hong Fu (formerly Red Assassin, currently Orange Winsome Maiden) will spend the remaining 30 episodes expressing the desire to support her man and be traditionally feminine and letting the men do the fighting and strategizing, and being bested in battle by every man she meets, as will every other female character, and never kick ass again.

Um. I still kind of love it. The show, not the message. I can overlook a lot for the sake of the hilarious developments which I will describe below, of which one of the few non-spoilery ones was a totally random thirty-second pan over a brass duck with a candle on its head.

The rest must go behind a spoiler cut, but there are some supremely awesome plot twists. But I feel that it isn’t really spoilery to mention that Master Yin, the evil gray-haired alchemist who lives and lurks in the underground palace with the remaining technicolor assassins, hurls people into a giant jacuzzi and stirs them to turn them into “war slaves.” (I am not sure what a war slave is, but suspect that it's a zombie warrior like Lloyd Alexander's Cauldron-Born.) Or that the official subtitle version of “inn” is “motel.” Assassins check in, but they don’t check out!

People call me Curly-Beard Man. )
It is regrettably clear that, after the promising beginning, Hong Fu (formerly Red Assassin, currently Orange Winsome Maiden) will spend the remaining 30 episodes expressing the desire to support her man and be traditionally feminine and letting the men do the fighting and strategizing, and being bested in battle by every man she meets, as will every other female character, and never kick ass again.

Um. I still kind of love it. The show, not the message. I can overlook a lot for the sake of the hilarious developments which I will describe below, of which one of the few non-spoilery ones was a totally random thirty-second pan over a brass duck with a candle on its head.

The rest must go behind a spoiler cut, but there are some supremely awesome plot twists. But I feel that it isn’t really spoilery to mention that Master Yin, the evil gray-haired alchemist who lives and lurks in the underground palace with the remaining technicolor assassins, hurls people into a giant jacuzzi and stirs them to turn them into “war slaves.” (I am not sure what a war slave is, but suspect that it's a zombie warrior like Lloyd Alexander's Cauldron-Born.) Or that the official subtitle version of “inn” is “motel.” Assassins check in, but they don’t check out!

People call me Curly-Beard Man. )
I am not sure if this live-action Chinese martial arts soap opera drama is awesome or just cracktastic, but I had a ridiculous amount of fun watching it. And so can you: it's available via Netflix.

The heroine is a lovely assassin/forced concubine who wears gorgeous flowing red clothes and a red beauty mark on her forehead. This distinguishes her from the rest of her all-female color-coded assassin squad, who all live in an underground palace which is dank and infested with scorpions, torture machines, and creepy skulking plotting men, but which the assassins find warm and cozy because they were all kidnapped as girls and raised there.

This all takes place in pre-Tang China, by the way. Well, sort of. The score is distinctly modern, featuring extremely long synthesizer solos that go "BWAAAAAANG!" at dramatic points, and also disco and C-pop. Plus really bad subtitles. Characters often say things like, "I knew he was the man when I first saw the shinny thing in his eyes," "How's crippled grandpa?" "There's a siskin behind the preying mantis," and "He's desperate to kill you alive!"

I have forgotten everyone's names, so I will call the heroine Red. Red is sad and stoic, unsurprisingly since her first love, a stone-faced dude with a bell on his pants that rings to show emotion, kidnapped her and made her into an assassin who can kill people in 49 different ways, including with a leaf and her hair, and turned her over to a gross evil councilor who pried apart her thighs and took her virginity. Stone-face, by the way, canonically never changes expression or ages, which explains a lot about the flashbacks where he looks exactly the same.

The councilor has an idiot son who's plotting to kill him. Yellow assassin has a crush on Idiot Son, which is odd since he has so far vomited on her, insulted her, torn up her painting, called her mom, and hurled a Persian cat at her. You see why I enjoyed this show so much.

A country bumpkin feng shui psychic detective scholar guy who has long intimate conversations with his horse comes to town. He charms Red, who as you have probably noticed, is surrounded by men who would have been rejected from match.com. Also, he tells her she'd make a great general, and furthermore, "I'll make you soup and protect you with my life." She spares his life when she was sent to bring back his head in a jar, and runs away with him.

Blue assassin and Stone-face pursue. Blue kills a horse with her sleeve, and without getting permission, hires drunken bandits in furry masks to kill Bumpkin's village. Stone-face slashes Blue's face, and she treasures the scar because she has a creepy hang-up about him. "You want to screw her face?!" someone asked. Oyce explained to me that it was actually "screw up."

It's revealed that the underground palace is actually the tomb of the empress whom Stone-face loved. He practices wu shu and hallucinates her before him. But no! It's Blue dressed as the empress! Stone-face sneaks up on Blue while she sleeps and rubs her hair over his face, pretending she's the empress. When he leaves, she smells her hair in ecstasy. A creepy healer dude heals her scar without asking, and she tries to scar her face again!

I was rooting for Bumpkin for a while, but then he displayed his... um... interesting battle strategy in what was possibly the best fight scene ever, for certain values of "best."

Spoilery, but you know you want to read it. )
I am not sure if this live-action Chinese martial arts soap opera drama is awesome or just cracktastic, but I had a ridiculous amount of fun watching it. And so can you: it's available via Netflix.

The heroine is a lovely assassin/forced concubine who wears gorgeous flowing red clothes and a red beauty mark on her forehead. This distinguishes her from the rest of her all-female color-coded assassin squad, who all live in an underground palace which is dank and infested with scorpions, torture machines, and creepy skulking plotting men, but which the assassins find warm and cozy because they were all kidnapped as girls and raised there.

This all takes place in pre-Tang China, by the way. Well, sort of. The score is distinctly modern, featuring extremely long synthesizer solos that go "BWAAAAAANG!" at dramatic points, and also disco and C-pop. Plus really bad subtitles. Characters often say things like, "I knew he was the man when I first saw the shinny thing in his eyes," "How's crippled grandpa?" "There's a siskin behind the preying mantis," and "He's desperate to kill you alive!"

I have forgotten everyone's names, so I will call the heroine Red. Red is sad and stoic, unsurprisingly since her first love, a stone-faced dude with a bell on his pants that rings to show emotion, kidnapped her and made her into an assassin who can kill people in 49 different ways, including with a leaf and her hair, and turned her over to a gross evil councilor who pried apart her thighs and took her virginity. Stone-face, by the way, canonically never changes expression or ages, which explains a lot about the flashbacks where he looks exactly the same.

The councilor has an idiot son who's plotting to kill him. Yellow assassin has a crush on Idiot Son, which is odd since he has so far vomited on her, insulted her, torn up her painting, called her mom, and hurled a Persian cat at her. You see why I enjoyed this show so much.

A country bumpkin feng shui psychic detective scholar guy who has long intimate conversations with his horse comes to town. He charms Red, who as you have probably noticed, is surrounded by men who would have been rejected from match.com. Also, he tells her she'd make a great general, and furthermore, "I'll make you soup and protect you with my life." She spares his life when she was sent to bring back his head in a jar, and runs away with him.

Blue assassin and Stone-face pursue. Blue kills a horse with her sleeve, and without getting permission, hires drunken bandits in furry masks to kill Bumpkin's village. Stone-face slashes Blue's face, and she treasures the scar because she has a creepy hang-up about him. "You want to screw her face?!" someone asked. Oyce explained to me that it was actually "screw up."

It's revealed that the underground palace is actually the tomb of the empress whom Stone-face loved. He practices wu shu and hallucinates her before him. But no! It's Blue dressed as the empress! Stone-face sneaks up on Blue while she sleeps and rubs her hair over his face, pretending she's the empress. When he leaves, she smells her hair in ecstasy. A creepy healer dude heals her scar without asking, and she tries to scar her face again!

I was rooting for Bumpkin for a while, but then he displayed his... um... interesting battle strategy in what was possibly the best fight scene ever, for certain values of "best."

Spoilery, but you know you want to read it. )
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