Lover Revealed, by J. R. Ward

[rachelmanija]

Sometimes I worry that I am a jaded reader who has lost the capacity to be boggled by a book. Then something like Lover Revealed comes along, and I realize that no, I can TOTALLY still be boggled. I am sincerely amazed that this series was published by a traditional publisher. Not because it’s terrible. (It is, sort of, but it definitely has its virtues as well.) But because it’s so utterly cracktastic and bizarre.

How do I even describe the whacked-out id-fest that is this book…?

It’s about a brotherhood of ginormously muscular vampires. Like these guys: http://www.kinseyinstitutegallery.com/data/photos/189_1r2002_29_32.jpg. (NOT WORKSAFE.) A lot of scenes in the book would look basically like that if drawn, in fact.

They are manly, manly, manly vampires. Who do man things. They are possessive and alpha. Manly! Muscular! Into brand names! When they bond, their sweat smells like Old Spice. And they wear very, very expensive brand-name clothes. And use manly slang.

Best of all, they have manly, manly names. ACTUAL NAMES: Vishous. Phury. Rhage. Rehvenge. Xhex (the lone manly female vampire. I presume this is pronounced Sex.) Tehrror. Hhurt. Tohrture. Ahgony. Zsadist.

ZSADIST.

They spend their time male-bonding, fucking, angsting, ogling each other’s beautiful yet manly bodies (and faces, and clothes, and hair), and hunting vampire-killers who are wusses who smell like baby powder. You’d think their manly, manly, manliness would be shown to better effect if they had opponents who weren’t ludicrously overmatched.

The worldbuilding consists of the letter h. A truly cool vampire does not avenge a loved one's death - he ahvenges it. They don't have contests like mere mortals - they have cohntehsts. And only a plebe would go into seclusion when she could experience the far more special sehclusion. And so forth. An especially manly man is phearsom.

This book has more homoeroticism than many novels I’ve read in which men were fucking each other on-page. The Brotherhood vampires are constantly touching each other, sprawled naked on a bed with each other, discussing each other's sex loves, popping giant boners around each other, and admiring each other’s swelling muscles.

Except for two of them (who get a canon romance later, good for you, J. R. Ward), they are canonically straight. Straight, I tell you! These are heterosexual romances. In theory. Here is an actual excerpt from Butch’s totally heterosexual POV.

"My flesh," he whispered.

He seemed to hesitate before turning to Butch. Then he pivoted and their eyes met. As candlelight flickered over V’s hard face and got caught in his diamond irises, Butch felt his breath get tight: At that moment, his roommate looked as powerful as a god… and maybe even as beautiful.

Vishous stepped in close and slid his hand from Butch’s shoulder to the back of his neck. “Your flesh,” V breathed. Then he paused, as if asking for something.

Without thinking, Butch tilted his chin up, aware that he was offering himself, aware that he… oh, fuck. He stopped his thoughts, completely weirded out by the vibe that had sprung up from God only knew where.

In slow motion Vishous’s dark head dropped down and there was a silken brush as his goatee moved against Butch’s throat.

With delicious precision, V’s fangs pressed against the vein that ran up from Butch’s heart, then slowly, inexorably, punched through skin. Their chests merged.

Butch closed his eyes and absorbed the feel of it all, the warmth of their bodies so close, the way V’s hair felt soft on his jaw, the slide of a powerful male arm as it slipped around his waist. On their own accord, Butch’s hands left the pegs and came to rest on V’s hips, squeezing that hard flesh, bringing them together from head to foot. A tremor went through one of them. Or maybe… shit, it was more like they both shuddered.

This is part of a climactic initiation scene in which all of the Black Dagger Brotherhood fondle and then punch Butch, then tell him to turn around and face the wall. Honest to God, I had to go back and re-read several paragraphs to figure out what Ward meant to have going on next if it wasn’t a gangbang. It sounded exactly like a slightly euphemistic description of an orgy.

My best guess on how the Black Dagger Brotherhood came to be is that the author took as her inspirations Tom of Finland, gangsta rap videos circa MTV, and the Gucci men’s wear catalogue, then smoked a giant doobie and wrote a vampire novel.

The result is completely rhidiculous, yet strangely rheadable. I read the whole thing in a day and am now halfway through Lover Awakened, the bhook about Zsadist. Send help. And an h-remover.

Lover Revealed (Black Dagger Brotherhood, Book 4)

Comments

[recessional]

I....wait, what else COULD that be leading to? Oo;;;;

[rachelmanija]

After re-reading twice, I concluded that it was supposed to be a description of orgasmic multi-man blood sucking rather than the orgasmic multi-man anal sex it sounded exactly like.

[yatima]

...would that be, like, Preparation H?

[rachelmanija]

BEST.

[owlectomy]

I was just reading a Taiwanese body-swap romance novel and thinking it's the sort of thing that you have a special talent for finding, but you have outdone me.

(The hero and heroine having been bodyswapped by Weird Magic, which can't be undone until they find heroine's sister who has suddenly jetted off to Hokkaido, they decide that they had better take showers. Heroine is outraged by hero seeing her naked body, so she insists that he close his eyes and let her wash him. It goes on from there in pretty much the same fashion, including Hokkaido hot springs and accidentally falling into each other's arms, but never answers the question, but what about when they have to pee?)

[starlady]

I CAHN'T.

[vass]

J.R. Ward got her worldbuilding inspiration from Anne Bishop, I'm convinced of this. Saetan. Surreal.

On their own accord, Butch’s hands left the pegs and came to rest on V’s hips, squeezing that hard flesh, bringing them together from head to foot.

Anne McCaffrey may also have been an influence.

[kore]

WHO published this....SIGNET? WOW.

PW review: these erotic paranormals are well worth it, and frighteningly addictive. The six "brothers" are vampires: enormous, tattooed, tormented warriors who protect other vampires from destruction by the "lessers," desouled humans in the evil Omega's Lessening Society. Hero and ex-cop Butch is the only human allowed into the Brotherhood's inner circle, but Butch is no mere human, a fact suspected by one of his vamp colleagues, and confirmed by the sinister plans of the Omega.

Author bio: J.R. Ward is the number one New York Times bestselling author of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series of vampire books. She is a winner of the prestigious Romance Writers of America RITA award for Best Paranormal Romance and is a multiple RITA nominee. A graduate of Smith College, she was a double major in History and Art History with a medieval concentration in both and she still longs at times for a return to those days sitting in dark lecture halls, looking at slides of old triptychs and reliquaries. Prior to becoming a full time writer, she was a corporate attorney, serving for many years as the Chief of Staff of one of Harvard Medical Schools premier teaching sites.

Well, fucking wow. Rock on with your badassed jumpsuit?-wearing self, girlfriend.

[rachelmanija]

I love that photo. The bat-collar!

Good for her for getting her whacked-out id onto the bestseller list.

[princessofgeeks]

I am now adopting the word "RHEADABLE".

[onyxlynx]

This book has more homoeroticism than many novels I’ve read in which men were fucking each other on-page.

I just want to take that sentence and pet it.

[luzula]

Ahahaha, this post is just what I needed today.

With delicious precision, V’s fangs pressed against the vein that ran up from Butch’s heart, then slowly, inexorably, punched through skin. Their chests merged.

Uh, what? Their chests merged?

[rachelmanija]

They later had to be surgically separated. (Kidding.)

[littlerhymes]

I 100% love this series. It is so ridiculous and yet - AND YET.

[go_gentle]

Goodness, and I thought Anne Bishop's naming conventions were bad.

[enemyofperfect]

The worldbuilding consists of the letter h.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST MAKING A FUNNY JOKE ABOUT THE NAMES -- which are pretty unbelievable themselves -- but just to be sure I googled "sehclusion", and APPARENTLY NOT?!

This series is clearly amazing. I mean, I haven't even read it (...yet), and I'm amazed.

[genarti]

I HAVE NO WORDS.

I mean, uh, NHO WHORDS.

[oyceter]

OMG the H's!!!! HOMG?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_profiterole_/]

For the anecdote (2nd part of the post). And it was still there just this morning.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Ooh, nice cover. Did you ever read the series? The books weren't clearly marked by order, so I started with number four. There were obviously spoilers for earlier books, but it was easy to pick up there and understand everything.

[oracne.livejournal.com]

A friend recced these to me back when there were only a couple, and they are terrible crack. I read them with horror, yet kept reading until maybe book 5 or so, when I couldn't take any more. I think the Zsadist one is the most id-tastic.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I am digging the hugely traumatized Zsadist, I have to say. Much more than Butch, who was basically just an asshole.

Butch had one of the stupidest conflicts I've ever come across in a romance novel. He's human and if his vampire girlfriend drinks his blood, he'll DIE. So she drinks from a vampire friend instead, which is how vampires normally feed. Butch is jealous because feeding has sexual overtones, and demands that she drink from him instead, even though it will KILL HIM. He gets so demanding about it and furious at her drinking from someone other than him that his poor girlfriend, who doesn't want to KILL HIM, starts starving herself!

So he would rather DIE by forcing the woman he supposedly loves to KILL HIM, thus leaving her alone, heartbroken, and horribly guilty, than have her perform a mildly sexual act with a friend that she needs to do TO LIVE.

Admittedly, this is called out as stupid in the book. But it's also portrayed that it's totally natural for Butch, a MANLY MANLY MAN, to prefer death to having his girlfriend have a relationship with another man which she has no choice over and does not regard as sexual (though Butch does.)

ETA: This was probably the most over the top and ridiculous example of the fetishizing of possessiveness that I've come across. But I am really burned out on the fetishizing of actual possessiveness. As opposed to possessive gestures, which are sexy if you like that sort of thing. ;)

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

OMG HHURT. How is that a name?

I have no problem with characters swearing, but somehow adding "shit" in the middle of all that incredibly purple prose is hilarious.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

HHURT. Sadly, he dies. Male vampires are skinny, undersized, weak, and impotent until they hit their mid-twenties, and then they transform into these guys: https://s3.amazonaws.com/bonanzleimages/afu/images/1773/7767/Nikutaiha_04.jpg

But sadly, sometimes the transition kills them. Pre-vampires are called pre-trans, by the way. Oops.

I have added a well-deserved "unintentional comedy" tag.

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

Muscular vampirism seems disturbingly similar to muscular Christianity in some respects.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Really? Tell me more!

[sovay]

My best guess on how the Black Dagger Brotherhood came to be is that the author took as her inspirations Tom of Finland, gangsta rap videos circa MTV, and the Gucci men’s wear catalogue, then smoked a giant doobie and wrote a vampire novel.

I would actually pick up a book whose jacket copy told me it was "Brought to you by Tom of Finland, lots of weed, and the letter H." I would be curious.

I would probably be significantly less curious once I got to the characters' names, but hey. By then it might be too late.

(PHURY.

GESUNDHEIT.)

[edit] On a sentence level: I don't know if I can choose between and got caught in his diamond irises and their chests merged, but ow ow ha ha ow.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

The best thing about Phury is that although the author presumable meant it to be pronounced Fury, it could equally easily be pronounced Furry.

"Brought to you by Tom of Finland, lots of weed, and the letter H." If you ever want to read that book, you know where to find it! If so (oh, man, could I bribe you to read and review one of these?) the book about Zsadist (ZSADIST) has all the same tropes but a hero who is much less of an asshole. In a bizarre way, it's kind of emotionally realistic about the effects of rape. On the hero.

"On a sentence level: I don't know if I can choose between and got caught in his diamond irises and their chests merged, but ow ow ha ha ow."

EVERY PAGE has something like that.

[kimberlite8.livejournal.com]

this post made me laugh, especially "he author took as her inspirations Tom of Finland, gangsta rap videos circa MTV, and the Gucci men’s wear catalogue, then smoked a giant doobie and wrote a vampire novel."

I have a friend who loves these novels and writes fanfiction for them. I've never read the fanfiction but I can see if you're into bodice rippers, this is part of the grand tradition.

Lol, on the "h" I'm surprised Black Dagger is still in plain English rather than spelled some other way.

I'm serious

[movingfinger.livejournal.com]

...How can there possibly be fanfiction for this? Aren't the books themselves already so deep in fanfiction tropes that...I mean, in fanfiction, what are they, accountants and tax attorneys...?

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

Oh my ghod.

[dragonpaws.livejournal.com]

Wait, do Butch and Vishous eventually get together? Because I stopped once it got all Scribe-Virgin-y all over the place (maybe book 10?) but I would return SO FAST if the B/V became canon. SO FAST.

Major props for the Qhuinn/Blays, though.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I was referring to Qhuinn/Blays. Vishous/Butch had way more chemistry than Butch/Marissa - honestly, I felt sorry for Marissa.

[takumashii.livejournal.com]

I was just reading a Taiwanese body-swap romance novel and thinking it's the sort of thing that you have a special talent for finding, but you have outdone me.

(The hero and heroine having been bodyswapped by Weird Magic, which can't be undone until they find heroine's sister who has suddenly jetted off to Hokkaido, they decide that they had better take showers. Heroine is outraged by hero seeing her naked body, so she insists that he close his eyes and let her wash him. It goes on from there in pretty much the same fashion, including Hokkaido hot springs and accidentally falling into each other's arms, but never answers the question, but what about when they have to pee?)

(Bizarrely, workplace filters think that the Dreamwidth version of this page is too sexy but not the LJ version.)

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

When they were finally restored to their own bodies, they still had a taste for watersports!

Is this available in English?

[anderyn.livejournal.com]

I read through from book one to, oh, the book where the series went hardcover, because it was just such strange and awesome crack-id fic. Alas, I didn't care enough to continue at hard-cover prices, and other long-term readers were saying the books had jumped the shark when I read reviews, so I didn't look back. Didn't help that she'd built such a lovely homoerotic relationship between Butch and V, which got torn down into two rather unconvincing hetero relationships. I was not impressed with Ward's choices in some of the book's romances, and she also started getting much more into the Lesser (bad guys) viewpoints, which also took away from the quality, such as it was.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I skipped all the Lesser scenes. I am pretty sure I didn't miss anything.

[tool-of-satan.livejournal.com]

The worldbuilding consists of the letter h.

Adding an "h" to words (e.g., "bheer") was a fannish thing back in the 1940s and 50s. I assume this is an independent invention, but you never know...