Due to medical reasons, I have been living under a rock for the last seven months. So you may all already be aware of the pornographic novel about Aaron Burr, The Amorous Intrigues and Adventures of Aaron Burr, published in 1861 and attributed to aaronburrsmyastralhusband, I mean Anonymous. In other words, at least one person was writing Aaron Burr RPF smut 150 years before it first appeared on AO3. However, I had not heard of the book until Naomi Kritzer tipped me off yesterday. And in case the same is true for any of you, behold!

Reaching forth his hand, Burr seized that of Adelaide King, and drawing the beautiful girl to him, he pressed her plump bosom forcibly to his own, and inflicted a dozen kisses on her dainty red lips.

The biggest cliche of old-school trashy romance, the forcible yet welcome kissing, has rather deep roots. I have read similar lines in porn from Burr's own era. I expect that descriptions of brutal and forbidden yet strangely delicious kisses were once inscribed on lost tablets in a language of which not a single word now survives. And I bet some of those were RPF, too.

Smart Bitches, Trashy Books reviewed it, called it out for rapeyness, and gave it an F+. Talk less, fuck more, Burr.

A comment to that review says, "Is this the time to mention that a gothic Aaron Burr romance novel exists?

It’s a trilogy called “The Torment of Aaron Burr” and apparently in it, Burr creeps on Alexander Hamilton’s teenage daughter."

A TRILOGY. Martha Washington should have named her feral tomcat after him. Here's a picture of the cover. You know it's a Gothic because it has a woman fleeing a house.

This does not appear to be online, but luckily several people on Tumblr read and liveblogged.

The Amorous Intrigues and Adventures of Aaron Burr is available free online.

Miranda's Burr would probably have been appalled by the book - talk about giving ammunition to your enemies. But I think the historic Burr would have secretly read and gotten a kick out of it. Burr may now be remembered as a villain, but apparently he was remembered for quite some time as seriously hot stuff. And now an entire generation is going to picture him as Leslie Odom Jr. Hamilton got the protagonist's role and the ten dollar bill, but porn writers may never stop telling Burr's story.

Cut for Aaron Burr and a nun; not worksafe.

When the climax arrived, the belly and thighs of the youth were bathed with what seemed to be burning lava, so ardent was this amorous maid, so hot was her blood after two years of hopeless repining at her virgin state.

Burr then regained his feet, when the nun sprang up and threw herself upon his breast, clutching him like a cat, so fearful was she of losing the author of her sweet transports. Burr then rained kisses on her mouth, neck, and bosom.

"Oh!" said she, "my heart! Oh! my soul! Oh! my God! to think what I lose by remaining in this cursed convent! Oh! my dearest, most blessed MAN! Oh! SWEET MAN! Oh! blessed MAN! Oh! heavenly MAN! Let me eat a piece of you! You have so thrilled me—so delighted me! so sweetened me—come—come," and she drew consoler down upon her bosom.

Burr then gave her the second part of the same performance, in which she was, if possible, more enraptured than the first time. So bereft of all prudence, of reason, was the thrilled and delighted girl that, when the final keene throe of pleasure arrived, she threw back her head convulsively, and gave one loud, wild scream expressive of her intolerable joys.

I think I've found the inspiration for Harlequin Presents, circa 1970. Seriously, prose styles have changed somewhat, but I have spotted lava metaphors in a minimum of three modern romance novels. Not to mention modern fanfic. The more things change, the more they stay the same. "Anonymous" would be raking in money self-publishing on Amazon if he or she was writing today.

Also, you may enjoy this ad for more trashy novels at the end of the book. I can't decide if my favorite title is Kate Montrose; or, The Maniac's Daughter or Madeline, the Avenger; or, Seduction and its Consequences.

Attention is called to the following Catalogue of cheap Publications, just issued. These books are got up different from anything of the kind ever offered to the public. They are all handsomely illustrated with Colored Plates, which have only to be seen to be appreciated.

Cut for long list of dirty books

La Tour De Nesle; or, The Amours of Margurite of Burgundy. 50
The Amours of a Quaker; or, the Voluptuary. 50
The Loves of Byron, his Intrigues with Celebrated women. 50
Merry Wives of London; a Picture of Licentiousness of the Court. 50
The Chevalier; a thrilling tale of Love and Passion. 50
The Mysteries of Bond Street; or, the Seraglios of Upper Tendon. 25
The Amorous Adventures of Lola Montes. 25
Adventures of a Sofa; or, Drawing-room Intrigues. 25
Marie de Clairville; or, The Confessions of a Boarding School Miss. 25
Flora Montgomery; or, The Factory Girl's Adventures. 25
The Bridal Chamber and its Mysteries. 25
Anna Mowbray; or, Tales of the Harem. 25
The Gay Deceiver; or, Man's Perfidy and Woman's Frailty. 25
Dissipation; or, Crime and its consequences. 25
Julia King; or, The Follies of a Beautiful Courtezan. 25
The Irish Widow; or, The Last of the Ghosts. 25
Harriet Wilson; or, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. 25
Madeline, the Avenger; or, Seduction and its Consequences. 25
Paul the Profligate; or, Paris as It is. 25
Adventures of a Country Girl; or, Gay Scenes in my Life. 25
Simon the Radical; or, The Adventures of a Bonnet Rogue. 25
Amelia Moreton; or, Life at a Fashionable Watering Place. 25
The Countess; or, My Intrigues with the Bloods. 25
Venus in Boston, an exciting tale of City Life. 25
The Adventures of a Libertine. 25
Evil Genius; or, The Spy of the Police. 25
Sharps and Flats; or, The Perils of City Life. 25
The Lame Devil; or, Asmodeus in Boston. 25
Demon of Gold; or, the Miser's Daughter. 25
Kate Montrose; or, The Maniac's Daughter. 25
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