Stop sending me scare tactic spam emails in free verse, or I will reply with cut-and-pasted feminist theory rather than, as I actually did, with a brief note suggesting snopes.com and Model Mugging/IMPACT classes:

9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me
that her friend heard
a crying baby on her porch
the night before last,
and she called the police
because it was late
and she thought it was weird.
The police told her
"Whatever you do,
DO NOT
open the door."
The lady
then said that
it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window,
and she was worried
that it would crawl
to the street
and get run over.
The policeman said,
"We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door."
He told her that they think
a serial killer
has a baby's cry recorded
and uses it to coax
women out of their homes
thinking that someone
dropped off a baby
He said they have not verified it,
but have had several calls
by women saying that
they hear baby's cries
outside their doors
when they're home alone
at night.

Please pass this on and
DO NOT
open the door
for a crying baby ----
This
e-mail should probably
be taken seriously because
the Crying Baby theory
was mentioned on
America 's Most Wanted
this past Saturday
when they profiled
the serial killer in Louisiana
Stop sending me scare tactic spam emails in free verse, or I will reply with cut-and-pasted feminist theory rather than, as I actually did, with a brief note suggesting snopes.com and Model Mugging/IMPACT classes:

9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me
that her friend heard
a crying baby on her porch
the night before last,
and she called the police
because it was late
and she thought it was weird.
The police told her
"Whatever you do,
DO NOT
open the door."
The lady
then said that
it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window,
and she was worried
that it would crawl
to the street
and get run over.
The policeman said,
"We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door."
He told her that they think
a serial killer
has a baby's cry recorded
and uses it to coax
women out of their homes
thinking that someone
dropped off a baby
He said they have not verified it,
but have had several calls
by women saying that
they hear baby's cries
outside their doors
when they're home alone
at night.

Please pass this on and
DO NOT
open the door
for a crying baby ----
This
e-mail should probably
be taken seriously because
the Crying Baby theory
was mentioned on
America 's Most Wanted
this past Saturday
when they profiled
the serial killer in Louisiana
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair
I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.

Apart from the nauseating sentimentality, the use of disabled people as moral lessons, and the emetic quality of it all (there are five more verses featuring blindness, deafness, etc... I was hoping for leprosy, but sadly that was omitted)... who says "passed a smile?" I have only ever heard that phrase used to refer to things that emerge from the ass.
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair
I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.

Apart from the nauseating sentimentality, the use of disabled people as moral lessons, and the emetic quality of it all (there are five more verses featuring blindness, deafness, etc... I was hoping for leprosy, but sadly that was omitted)... who says "passed a smile?" I have only ever heard that phrase used to refer to things that emerge from the ass.
.

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