I have no problems with anybody's right to be angry. Or even bloody furious. But I do find that there is a point in any communication where it slips onto an emotional level, and I react on an emotional level, and when I feel attacked, ignored, belittled, etc etc, I don't react rationally but get defensive.

I don't think the onus is one one side only, although sometimes one side is acting vastly more honourably/sensibly than the other and it would take a saint to not react; and sometimes how something is meant and how it is received bears little relation to the text. It's not an easy minefield to traverse, although sometimes it *is.*