I have a question for you. I'm sincerely asking you to think about what I'm saying in this comment and not to take it as an attack.
You say that you do not hang around men who would ever rape someone or stand by and watch them be raped.
Consider the possibility for a moment that your judgment is not, somehow, vastly superior to that of all the women who have been raped by those close to them.
How do you think a woman of your social circle would feel if she were raped by one of your friends who are supposedly above reproach? Do you think, after reading your words here, that she could feel comfortable telling you about it? Do you think that she would expect you to believe her?
Because I wouldn't.
Consider the possibility that you're wrong about one (just one, it only takes one if you're alone with him, if you trust him) of the guys you hang out with. Imagine that one of your female friends is also wrong about him. She trusts him as much as you do. Her judgment is as good as yours. Now, imagine that you're both wrong.
What are the possible consequences to you if you find out that this man you both trusted raped her? Guilt, maybe. Mistrusting yourself. Doubting the rest of your friends, perhaps. Not knowing what to say to her. Wondering how many of the other women you know have been raped.
What are the consequences to her? Being raped. And then being disbelieved by her circle of oh-so-enlightened friends, because none of the guys you hang out with could do that. Questioning her judgment, blaming herself, being blamed by others for choosing the wrong man to trust. If she reports it, invasive medical exams, questions, slut-shaming before a jury as well as her friends and family (or, if she chooses not to allow those close to her to see and hear such intimate, horrible things, she'll have to face it alone). If she doesn't report it, always wondering if she's responsible for someone else being raped by the same man, if it means she's weak, if all her other friends, who still trust this man, will end up in the same situation.
Do you really think that if you faced those consequences, you could honestly say that none of the men you know could or would ever rape, or even support the ideas listed in the original post that lead to rape?
Do you really think that a few good friends can protect a woman from being raped in her own home, in her office, her car, her school, the park where she jogs, her best friend's 21st birthday party, by her babysitter, by her father?
Do you really think that the 2/3 of women who have been raped by people they knew just didn't have your good judgment?
Do you really think that we can make ourselves safe by hanging with a better crowd?
ETA: Linked here while following the discussion in cereta's journal
You say that you do not hang around men who would ever rape someone or stand by and watch them be raped.
Consider the possibility for a moment that your judgment is not, somehow, vastly superior to that of all the women who have been raped by those close to them.
How do you think a woman of your social circle would feel if she were raped by one of your friends who are supposedly above reproach? Do you think, after reading your words here, that she could feel comfortable telling you about it? Do you think that she would expect you to believe her?
Because I wouldn't.
Consider the possibility that you're wrong about one (just one, it only takes one if you're alone with him, if you trust him) of the guys you hang out with. Imagine that one of your female friends is also wrong about him. She trusts him as much as you do. Her judgment is as good as yours. Now, imagine that you're both wrong.
What are the possible consequences to you if you find out that this man you both trusted raped her? Guilt, maybe. Mistrusting yourself. Doubting the rest of your friends, perhaps. Not knowing what to say to her. Wondering how many of the other women you know have been raped.
What are the consequences to her? Being raped. And then being disbelieved by her circle of oh-so-enlightened friends, because none of the guys you hang out with could do that. Questioning her judgment, blaming herself, being blamed by others for choosing the wrong man to trust. If she reports it, invasive medical exams, questions, slut-shaming before a jury as well as her friends and family (or, if she chooses not to allow those close to her to see and hear such intimate, horrible things, she'll have to face it alone). If she doesn't report it, always wondering if she's responsible for someone else being raped by the same man, if it means she's weak, if all her other friends, who still trust this man, will end up in the same situation.
Do you really think that if you faced those consequences, you could honestly say that none of the men you know could or would ever rape, or even support the ideas listed in the original post that lead to rape?
Do you really think that a few good friends can protect a woman from being raped in her own home, in her office, her car, her school, the park where she jogs, her best friend's 21st birthday party, by her babysitter, by her father?
Do you really think that the 2/3 of women who have been raped by people they knew just didn't have your good judgment?
Do you really think that we can make ourselves safe by hanging with a better crowd?
Have you never been wrong about a friend before?