rachelmanija | Magic's Pawn by Mercedes Lackey in fifteen minutes

Before I begin ragging on this book, I should note that although I cannot call it good, it's pretty entertaining. I would not hesitate to recommend it for salon reading, as long as you can either call up your inner twelve-year-old at will or else enjoy a good inner snark-fest.

Also, it is very heartfelt-- very, very, very heartfelt-- and was apparently written at a time when very few gay characters ever appeared in fantasy, let alone lengthy pleas for gay rights, so I give Lackey major points for that. Even though, out of all the gay men I've ever met, and given my history with theatre, the entertainment industry, gay rights, and AIDS education, I've met quite a few, I have never met anyone who resembled any of Lackey's gay men.

I now present Vanyel in fifteen minutes!

Vanyel: I am a sensitive, gorgeous, and musical young man. Why is everyone so mean to me? Woe! Did I mention that I have fabulous dress sense and exquisite silver eyes?

(Vanyel’s father sneers)

(Vanyel’s brother jeers)

(Vanyel’s evil martial arts instructor breaks Vanyel’s arm)

Vanyel’s father: I’m sending you off to your butch aunt’s school. Maybe she’ll make a man of you. If that’s even possible.

Vanyel: I think I’ll wear my taupe breeches with my eggshell shirt. Oops, almost forgot: woe!

~~Tylenol~~ Tylendel: Hi, I’m a gorgeous young student of your butch aunt’s and I am incredibly gifted at magic and I have a telepathic horsie. Also, I’m gay. Are you gay too?

Vanyel: Dude, I think I am!

~~Tylenol~~ Tylendel: Excellent! Let’s be gay together!

Everyone at Vanyel’s butch aunt’s school: Vanyel is sensitive, gorgeous, delicate, musical, misunderstood, and a fashion plate. ~~He owns the complete catalogue of Judy Garland on remastered CD.~~ I am totally shocked that he’s gay, even though every other gay character in this book also fits that description! However, there is nothing wrong with being gay! Have fun, boys!

~~Tylenol~~ Tylendel: My twin brother whom I have a telepathic bond with and whom I once telepathically eavesdropped on while he was having sex which awakened my magic powers—not to imply telepathic twincest— not that there’s anything wrong with that— was murdered! Woe! Vanyel, mind if I leech off of your un-awakened magic to supplement my own to get revenge?

Vanyel: That wouldn’t awaken my magic, would it? Cause for some reason I don’t want that to happen.

~~Tylenol~~ Tylendel: Not a chance!

Vanyel: OK!

(~~Tylenol~~ Tylendel leeches off Vanyel’s magic)

(Evil guy fights back)

(Telepathic horsie dies)

(~~Tylenol~~ Tylendel dies)

(Vanyel’s magic awakens so he is now more powerful than anyone in the world; he attempts suicide; he keels over from woe, and also magical overload)

(Telepathic horsie # 2 bonds with Vanyel)

Vanyel: Go away. I’m busy dying here.

Vanyel’s butch aunt: Even our best aromatherapy has failed. Better send him to my friends, the super-sensitive soul-bonded gay mages, Moondance and Starwind.

(Rachel is not making this up)

Moondance and Starwind: Hello! We are gorgeous, sensitive gay mages. And we are here to tell you that it is OK to be gay. Even some animals are gay, so it is totally natural, healthy, and fun.

Vanyel: Go away. I will never love again.

Moondance: Vanyel, let me tell you my tragic backstory that I never tell anyone.

(Moondance weeps in a sensitive manner.)

Moondance: By the way, it’s only possible to have one great love in your life and yours is dead, so you are totally right that you will never love again. But don’t despair! You can still, you know, have pets and things.

Vanyel: Agony! Much more painful than yours!

Moondance: I think you kind of hurt my feelings.

(Moondance weeps in a sensitive manner.)

(Vanyel runs away; sees a dragon getting the drop on some people; angsts until the dragon bites the head off an old man; blows up the dragon.)

Vanyel: I now realize that with great power comes great responsibility. Also, I suck.

(Random evil mage suddenly appears and molests Vanyel)

(Vanyel blows up random evil mage)

Moondance et all: Congratulations! You’re a Herald!

Vanyel: On to the next book—of WOE!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

:::applauds wildly:::

And it only gets worse for poor Vanyel, you know. But it's okay! He's totally reincarnated as a magical telepathic horsie!

As a horsie? I vaguely remember that he ends up reincarnated as a magical telepathic forest instead, with the spirit of his One Twoo Wuv residing within him, but it's been long enough ago that I'm extremely hazy on the details.

Reincarnated as... a forest?!?

I must track down the rest of this trilogy. The crack, it compels me.

Yeah, something like that. The forest and the ghost of his One Twoo Wuv show up in one of the Elspeth books later on, but that may be the one I quit reading on.

I've only picked up random books, totally out of order, but... I believe there's another incarnation and reincarnation for those two later, even AFTER the forest/spirit thing... Because a love like that can never, never end. Ever.

Oh good lord. I think I'd get highly irritated with anyone after the first century or so, and the thought of spending eternity together...?

And they both died so young, ya know? That's like, not a lot of life experience to fuel millennia of Happy Togetherness, however angsty those first 18 or so years were...

I so eagerly anticipate Sanzo's reaction to being p/reincarnated as a forest. Planted next to Gojyo the forest.

I think Sanzo would evolve some sort of biological warfare adaptation pretty damn quick.

Don't some plants produce poison from their roots that kills all the other plants in the area? Like that, only more fire.

Exactly!

"You can name a shrub after me. Something prickly and hard to eradicate."

a love like that can never, never end. Ever.

No matter *how much* you wish that it would...

Alas, I can say with certainty that there isn't another incarnation on-screen.

(They stop being spirits in the last "Storm" book, but it's not said whether they reincarnate or go to an afterlife.)

But that's what I was thinking of, though... I mean they "come back" in that book (as humanoid ghosts this time? or am I confused?) and then there's the "choice" they have to make at the end--which to my way of thinking is really a choice between one kind of not-really-deadness and another...

They've been ghosts since the Vanyel series, they're brought out of the Forest, they get un-stuck, and then they make a choice, but we don't know what their choice is, hence my "on-screen" comment.

I can't believe I didn't actually have to look it up to know this. But I did confirm it.

His ghost is bound to a forest, more precisely.

And that of his One Twoo Luv (subsequent series spoilers elided), as well.

No, it was everybody else who was reincarnated as a magical telepathic horsie; if you're a herald that's what you get.

I have to say I do like the book By The Sword for the simple reason that its protagonist meets the Heralds and goes OMG WHY ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE WEARING WHITE LIKE BIG STUPID WALKING TARGETS KILL ME PLZ.

Yes. I also liked that. And she never does wear the white.

Wearing white around horses.

That _is_ a fantasy!

It's Magical! Dirt Resistant! White (TM).

Except when it isn't, for the purposes of dramatic emphasis.

Hah! Yes! And there was Sex That Did Not Have To Lead To Angst Even If Twu Luv WAS Involved, Hey We're Adults And We Have Needs But That Doesn't Mean We're Going To Fall On Our Swords When We Can't Meet For A Decade Afterwards.

And there was actual military-ness and campaigning, even if it did have the usual Mercedes Lackey spitshine. By the Sword is great fun.

Magic's Pawn by Mercedes Lackey in fifteen minutes

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