Return to the garden

[rachelmanija]

I am back in LA, tanned and happy and in possession of several dozen farm-fresh eggs, some of which I have already distributed to friends and neighbors. I then spent two hours madly watering and pruning.

Some garden shots. The lavender flowers are from a potato. Some of my potatoes died in a heat wave, alas. I am hoping to salvage the cucumbers, which were badly affected. When I pulled up a dead potato plant, though, I found two baby potatoes! A harvest!

Harvest. The "crystal melon" is also known as a lemon cucumber. I ate the cucumber and carrot raw, sautéed the potatoes and chard (sequentially in the same pan), and ate them with a fried double-yolked egg from the chooks.

This is everything I wanted.

It feels strange and insensitive to say that I'm happy, considering everything going on. But I am, in between periods of panic and rage and stir-craziness and numbness and so forth. I'm in such a better place than my three years of absolute personal hell. Even if I do end up dying of covid-19 (I'm high-risk), I feel that I'd be much more OK with that than I would if I'd died then, which would have essentially been because I couldn't get doctors to believe that I was actually sick.

At this point, I have the world's best cats, a beautiful garden that's already starting to feed me and others, an eager audience for my writing, and a business that's providing financial stability to me and others... self-publishing my id-tastic romance novels about traumatized shapeshifters and their pet flying kittens.

And those flying kittens bring me enough money that I can do some good with it, from donating to organizations like OutRight to helping out some individuals. Other people helped me so much, in so many ways, from paying for my medication to letting me live with them for months to finding a treatment to simply believing in me, when I was in no shape to give anything to anyone else, literally or emotionally. It feels really good to be in a place where I can give some of that back.

A garden symbolizes hope. It symbolizes the possibility of new life. It symbolizes persistence. But it's not just a symbol. It's a real thing. Put a seed in dirt, water it and tend it, and a sprout may grow. If it doesn't, try again, or somewhere else. When you get a sprout, keep watering (but not too much) and pick off the bugs, but don't be surprised if one morning you wake up and bugs ate the entire thing, or someone pulled it up. Try again, maybe in a different place. Use some bug spray, or maybe try a different plant. If you don't give up, eventually you'll learn how to tend your seeds, and one day you'll have a harvest that will feed you and others.

Comments

[nestra]

You deserve to be happy, after everything.

[starlady]

I'm really glad you're doing well, and you definitely deserve your happiness and success.

[musesfool]

I'm so glad you're doing well after all of that business. <3

[rosefox]

It's so good to read this from you. I'm really, really glad for you.

[carbonel]

I'm so glad the personal news is good!

[princessofgeeks]

Your happiness brings me joy.

[nenya_kanadka]

This! <3 It is so good to see.

[lemonsharks]

that one california poppy, petals spread wide as if to say, "FUCK YOU, THE SUN! I CANNOT BE KILLED!!!"

[minnaway]

Yay!

[gwynnega]

I'm so very glad for you.

[oyceter]

Yay, I'm so glad to hear things are going well for you!

[batdina]

Very glad for you. Good news is good.

[minoanmiss]

I am delighted by your garden and your happiness and you. :D

[rushthatspeaks]

♥

[mildred_of_midgard]

I'm so glad, not least because every time I see you being happy, I remember that there was a time when you didn't know if you'd ever be able to enjoy anything ever again. <3

[rachelmanija]

ME TOO.

Thank you. <3

[ellenmillion]

Garden loot! It delights me to read this whole post.

[hannah]

I'm glad you're happy. We need more of that in the world.

[nenya_kanadka]

You've been through hell and absolutely deserve happiness on the other side of it. I'm especially glad the cucumbers may be surviving, for some reason.

Also I love the meditation on gardens at the end. <3 I have an uneasy relationship with gardening myself due to personal history, but there is still something magic in planting something and watching it turning into food. And this outlook of hopeful persistence is how I try to live. Thank you. <3

[genarti]

This whole post makes me extremely happy. And I love the thoughts on gardening at the end; yes, yes.

[eglantiere]

told you so, once upon a time :P

[st_aurafina]

I am so glad that you're feeling better than in those bad years. And that you have a harvest! (We grew those lemon cucumbers, and they were either very very tasty, or incredibly bitter, and I still don't know why two fruits could come off the same vine and taste so different.)

I'm glad that you have joyful things in your life again.

[dolorosa_12]

I'm so glad to read everything in this post — and I totally agree with you about gardens.

[marjorie1170]

I was glad to read this and see you're doing well.

[qian]

Reading this has cheered me right up!

[pauraque]

♥

[asakiyume]

This is lovely to read.

I love looking at photos of your cats and your garden, and I'm just so happy it's this way for you now!

[sheliak]

I'm so glad you're happy & doing well.

[rmc28]

I'm so happy for you.

[shati]

This is great to read, and the garden looks beautiful!