Newbery generator

[rachelmanija]

It's been a while since I checked in with the Newbery generator.

The Pink Cloud of Poppy Allerdon

In the beginning, a depressed teenage girl is diagnosed with Crohn's disease after the spread of a new disease that makes your head fall off. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends a boy with a tragic past. But when her new friend reveals their tragic past as the parent of eight children who died in an epidemic, she learns a valuable lesson about pie crust and that con artists ruin people's lives.

Comments

This one is good too

[rachelmanija]

When the Hour Ends

In the beginning, a bitter young girl travels to the time of Noah's Ark after she accidentally sets her baby brother on fire. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends a baby rabbit. But when her new friend is caught in a mousetrap, she learns a valuable lesson about Abraham Lincoln and that diet pills are actually speed.

Re: This one is good too

[sovay]

and that diet pills are actually speed.

That's the book you just read, isn't it?

Re: This one is good too

[rachelmanija]

Yep!

Re: This one is good too

[genarti]

Spring to Love

In the beginning, a fat teenage girl begins a quest to learn everything there is to know about bees after becoming a climate change refugee. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends an old man living in the woods. But when her new friend is trampled to death by a social worker, she learns a valuable lesson about Abraham Lincoln and that everybody poops.


Lots of important lessons about Abraham Lincoln here, I see!

Re: This one is good too

[rachelmanija]

Lots of bees too.

Re: This one is good too

[genarti]

brb, off to write a best-selling tale in which a lonely teenager befriends Abraham Lincoln living in the woods, only to learn a valuable lesson about heartbreak and trusting no one when he turns out to actually be a thousand bees in a frock coat.

Re: This one is good too

[luzula]

In the beginning, a fat teenage girl begins a quest to learn everything there is to know about bees after becoming a climate change refugee.

I would totally read that book, if you removed the bits that came after!

[sholio]

I want to know if the disease that makes your head fall off is from an actual book.

[rachelmanija]

It's from the manga Planet Ladder. Literally all I remember about it is that it has a giant mechanical chicken and a disease that makes your head fall off.

[telophase]

And there's a prince who's very repressed because he's never been touched by a real person, having been raised by robots so that he wouldn't catch the disease that makes everybody's heads fall off!

That's all I remember other than the giant robot chicken.

[sovay]

a new disease that makes your head fall off.

I'd worry a lot more about that than about Crohn's.

[graydon]

Road Son

In the beginning, an anguished kitten with wings puts her dog's shot-off ear under her pillow after her birthday party. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends a cognitively disabled waitress. But when her new friend is trampled by a runaway horse, she learns a valuable lesson about the work ethic and that con artists ruin people's lives.

[sabotabby]

omg this is too good

John of America
In the beginning, a telepathic young boy begins a project to crochet one thousand bees after his parents are struck by lightning. Things seem to be looking up when he befriends a girl without a face. But when his new friend is put to sleep, he learns a valuable lesson about the dangers of drunk driving and that grade school is the best time in your life and it's all downhill from here.

[sholio]

I'm laughing out loud at crocheting 1000 bees. This one is amazing.

[rachelmanija]

It's so exactly like a real Newbery plotline!

[sovay]

omg this is too good

I got one that promisingly started "In the beginning, a naïve young armadillo leaps screaming out a window after her parents die within days of each other in unrelated freak accidents," but this one is solid gold all through.

[rachelmanija]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

[sholio]

In the beginning, a naïve young armadillo leaps screaming out a window after her parents die within days of each other in unrelated freak accidents,"

That definitely sounds like the start of an Ursula Vernon book.

[mikeda]

There IS "Minor Mage" (published under T. Kingfisher) which has an armadillo familiar. Although the familiar's backstory is considerably more conventional.

[james]

I have read this fanfic.

[yhlee]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[ethelmay]

"A Grandfather Named Prom
In the beginning, a gullible wolf cub begs for a kitten after her baby brother is hospitalized for a milk allergy. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends a tattooed bartender with a drinking problem. But when her new friend swims out to sea and never comes back, she learns a valuable lesson about the plight of returning veterans and that looking for parents who abandoned you never goes well."

[yhlee]

I am somehow not surprised that the generator gave me...a fox heroine.

In the beginning, a neglected fox cub travels to the time of WWII after her father mistakes her for her mother and burns her face off. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends an alcoholic circus clown. But when her new friend swims out to sea and never comes back, she learns a valuable lesson about Newbery Social Issues and that compassion leads to disaster.

Heartbreaking!

[legionseagle]

Linnea's Face
In the beginning, an alcoholic child runs away from the orphanage after her parents die in a plane crash. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends a camel. But when her new friend gets rabies and has to be shot, she learns a valuable lesson about AIDS and that nothing is so bad that it can't get worse.

"Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse" should be the Newbery motto, I think.

[jesuswasbatman]

I got a surprisingly coherent one.

Era
In the beginning, an unhappy teenager becomes obsessed with werewolves after he discovers that his mother is also his sister. Things seem to be looking up when he befriends a baboon at the zoo. But when his new friend is discovered to be a pedophile, he learns a valuable lesson about grief and that sometimes people you love disappear and you'll never find out what happened to them.

[pauraque]

A Girl Named Hemlock

In the beginning, an athletic teenager travels to the time of the Vietnam war after being diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease. Things seem to be looking up when he befriends a blind painter. But when his new friend goes camping in a desert arroyo after being told not to and drowns in a flash flood, he learns a valuable lesson about birth control and that there is no such thing as griffins.

[autopope]

This is dully plausible:

A Stint Through the Underground

In the beginning, a broken-hearted teenager is sent away to live with aging grandparents after gangsters make the neighborhood unlivable. Things seem to be looking up when she befriends a blind girl. But when her new friend dies of a ruptured stomach caused by bulimia, she learns a valuable lesson about vegetarianism and that you too will die some day. Possibly very soon.