Cool bits, cracktastic bits

[rachelmanija]

telophase has created a Cool Bits story generator.

The narrative is about triumph beating the odds. Romance blossoms between a scholar and a woman with a gun, while difficulties they encounter include sex against a wall and nothing being as it seems.

oyceter said that someone should make a Cracktastic Bit generator. I here solicit suggestions of cracktastic bits. They can be from any genre or media, though I do think that manga and anime gives great cracktastic.

By "cracktastic," I mean giant talking soldier ducks, giant robot chickens, heads in jars, heads in jars because the villain cut them off and put them there and hopes to clone the body and revive it so he can kill the person again, random incest, exploding heads, cannibal zombie angels, giant floating eyeballs, diseases that make your head spontaneously fall off, attacking floating fetuses, boys dressed in girls' sailor suit uniforms, "I cross-dress because it's so relaxing!" transformations into pandas, adorable chibi side illustrations of eyeballs on a platter, characters wearing kimono in Victorian London, little boys with bags over their heads and an axe in their hand, librarian chickens in tennis shoes and bonnets, possessed cockatiels, conjoined twin villains, combat butlers, butlers named Rifael Rafael, prosthetic limbs that double as any kind of weapon but especially guns or rocket-launchers, tentacle rape, characters with missing eyes (it's a thing), "Whatever you brought home, make sure you share it with your brothers! Oh... it's a wife?"

You know. Stuff like that.

What are your favorite cracktastic bits?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

What fun!! I wanna play too!!

The villain is not in fact human, demon, angel, alien, animal, vegetable, or any combination thereof--'he' is in fact composed of a malevolent radio frequency speaking through a sentient rock.

The villain's 4-year old daughter/granddaughter takes the killing blow meant for her father/grandfather--the villain is crippled with despair, and the Hero quickly finishes him off. He then copulates furiously with the dead child's body, and paints his face with her blood.

A schoolgirl's reflection talks to her, making catty remarks about her clothing and hairstyle choices.

Dreams involving not images, but intense smells and sensations of pain.

Random violations of the laws of physics.

The hero of the story is an amulet.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you still going to make this? Because I have a few more (if these haven't already been suggested):
-Faries that live in mugs of hot chocolate
-An evil mp3 player that makes everyone talk in song
-"I hate you!" "I hate you more!" *kiss*
-Materializing a coffee table to flip over in anger
-Materializing giant hammers
-Pulling random items out from behing your back (velvet ropes, buckets of water, fruit hats, ect)
-A guy keeping a frilly pink dress in his backpack ("it's my sister's.")
-Emergency Pants
-"...I forgot to re-create the glasses."
-A mime who communicates by transforming into random, unrelated objects
-Using your dreadlocks to glide through the air
-Someone who "doesn't believe in gravity"
-Someone (bonus if it's a guy!) with long hair in a ponytail, and a metal bead/weight on the end so that they can whip thier hair at thier enemies!
-"Who says we have to follow the rules? This is an anime!"
Lolz! :3 I have more if you want, but first I want to make sure you're still making this! :)

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Where do these come from?!

Faries that live in mugs of hot chocolate
-An evil mp3 player that makes everyone talk in song
Materializing a coffee table to flip over in anger
-Materializing giant hammers
-Pulling random items out from behing your back (velvet ropes, buckets of water, fruit hats, ect)
-A guy keeping a frilly pink dress in his backpack ("it's my sister's.")
-Emergency Pants
-"...I forgot to re-create the glasses."
-A mime who communicates by transforming into random, unrelated objects
-Using your dreadlocks to glide through the air
-Someone who "doesn't believe in gravity"