Cool bits, cracktastic bits

[rachelmanija]

telophase has created a Cool Bits story generator.

The narrative is about triumph beating the odds. Romance blossoms between a scholar and a woman with a gun, while difficulties they encounter include sex against a wall and nothing being as it seems.

oyceter said that someone should make a Cracktastic Bit generator. I here solicit suggestions of cracktastic bits. They can be from any genre or media, though I do think that manga and anime gives great cracktastic.

By "cracktastic," I mean giant talking soldier ducks, giant robot chickens, heads in jars, heads in jars because the villain cut them off and put them there and hopes to clone the body and revive it so he can kill the person again, random incest, exploding heads, cannibal zombie angels, giant floating eyeballs, diseases that make your head spontaneously fall off, attacking floating fetuses, boys dressed in girls' sailor suit uniforms, "I cross-dress because it's so relaxing!" transformations into pandas, adorable chibi side illustrations of eyeballs on a platter, characters wearing kimono in Victorian London, little boys with bags over their heads and an axe in their hand, librarian chickens in tennis shoes and bonnets, possessed cockatiels, conjoined twin villains, combat butlers, butlers named Rifael Rafael, prosthetic limbs that double as any kind of weapon but especially guns or rocket-launchers, tentacle rape, characters with missing eyes (it's a thing), "Whatever you brought home, make sure you share it with your brothers! Oh... it's a wife?"

You know. Stuff like that.

What are your favorite cracktastic bits?

Comments

[telophase.livejournal.com]

Not that you really need the titles, but in case you want to track down the origins of particular bits of crack.

Smokin' hot homicidal maniacs (1001 Nights, Threads of Time)
Dimensional travel through a toilet (Kyou Kara Maoh - it's through any sort of water, actually, but the protagonist first travels when he's getting a swirlie.)
A stoic bishounen who knits to relax (KKM also - it's a veritable cornucopia of crack)
The bitchiest uke ever (KKM)
Rampaging headless demons (InuYasha)
Psychopathic blond clones (Advent Children)
Traveling upwards by jumping off of falling rocks, masonry, etc. (every shounen anime evar)
A battle sitar (Kingdom Hearts II - hey, video games have JUST AS MUCH CRACK)
Smokin' hot genocidal maniacs (Sephiroth!!)
Child ninjas.
Swords larger than the person wielding them. (every video game evar)
Characters and spells named after 80s hair bands (JoJo's Bizarre Adventures, Bastard!!)



I'm not sure how to distill the crack in Death Note into sound bites. :/

[telophase.livejournal.com]

Cats or cat-demons trying to marry women. (Princess Tutu, Ranma 1/2)
Gratuitous floating feathers (every shoujo evar)
Yakuza with hearts of gold (Gokusen)

[telophase.livejournal.com]

AH!!

Psycho villain who, after the protagonist cuts his hand off, sharpens his arm bones because he plans to stab the protagonist with them!

Villain who sews women's heads to his shoulders!

Villain who paints his victim's body before he kills her!

Painter who finds that human blood gives him the perfect red! Who is not a villain!

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

I read a book once where a (bad guy) potter found the perfect red glaze by putting his victims into the kiln! And this was a cozy mystery! Featuring cats!

[octopedingenue]

The Cat Who Saw Red back before the series sucked eeee!

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

YES EXACTLY that book was so much win!

[telophase.livejournal.com]

Assassins whose cover identities are florists. (-X-Kai. Not just in Weiss Kreuz!)

Two women who form a secret Vatican hit squad. One woman is a nun with a split personality - one personality is a peace-loving sweet girl and the other is a bloodthirsty assassin - and it's the other woman's job to call the assassin personality out. ("Cross Fire", a short story by the guy who does Hellsing)

Secret Vatican hit squads in general (Hellsing, and probably Trinity Blood, seeing as how the Catholic Church is a major political power and seems to be the enemy in it)

A group of Buddhists with strange powers (one divines by a pendulum, one can talk to the dead, one always has a hand puppet that he claims is possessed by an alien, one is a hacker, and one is an embalmer) who do errands for the dead in order that they can rest in peace. (Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service, a totally awesome manga you whould read, rachelmanija!)

[telophase.livejournal.com]

And so it shows up here and not just in email: mercenary who eats metal and can produce the items eaten from his hand.

[oyceter]

Rampaging headless demons (InuYasha)

That is awesome. The only thing better would be if the rampaging headless demons teamed up with the heads in jars to CONQUER THE WORLD!

[telophase.livejournal.com]

That episode had an eeevil demon child trying to make it to the barrier between life and death. Since demons take longer to die than humans, he was finding strong demons and decapitating them, to psychically connect with the head and see what it saw beyond life. The bodies rampaging around was a byproduct of that.

An otter-demon child was running around with his dad's head in a bag, trying to find the body because he thought he might get his dad to come back to life if he got there in time. And once they got the head an body reunited, it was almost too late ... and the only person who could bring back the otter demon dad was Sesshoumaru, who wields a sword that can save a hundred lives with one swing, but which only works if the wielder cares. Sasshoumaru being a tall, impassive youkai who would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS ADMIT HE CARED ABOUT ANYTHING THE ONLY REASON I FAIL TO KILL MY BROTHER IS THAT HE'S TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT, NOT BECAUSE I FIND EXCUSES NOT TO KILL HIM WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCE.

If I could get that into a cracktastic sound bite, it would be so in there. XD

[oyceter]

Trying SO HARD not to burst into insane giggling hysterics at work.

[telophase.livejournal.com]

This is why I watch Inu-Yasha. It's your standard Rumiko Takahashi show that goes on and on and on and on and on and never fucking ends, but when it hits, it hits.

My favorite character is Sesshoumaru (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/telophase14/sesshoumaru3.jpg), who hits all sorts of Cool Bits buttons for me - tall, silver-haired, is sort of nominally evil BUT NOT REALLY, pretends not to care but deep down the wall around his heart is cracking a bit. Inu-Yasha is his half-brother - Inu's mom was a human and Sess's mom was a youkai - and their unnamed dad, referred to as Inupapa by the fandom, was a mighty taiyoukai who left his two swords to his sons - the Tetsaiga, which can slay a hundred warriors with a single blow (but ONLY IF you're protecting someone, which they don't know), to Inu-Yasha, and the Tensaiga, which can save a hundred lives with one blow, (but ONLY IF you care, which they don't know) to Sesshoumaru. Sess is kinda hacked off about getting what is, to him, the useless sword, and spends most of his time showing up and administering smackdowns to his annoying baby brother. Inu cut Sess's left arm off during one of these battles, which is probably why Sess no longer transforms into his huge demon-dog form, because I bet he thinks he'd look stupid as a three-legged dog.

Sesshoumaru eventually figures out how his sword works when he brings Rin, a small human girl who was savaged by wolves that attacked her village, back to life. Even before the attack, she was an orphaned outcast in the village, so she tags after Sesshoumaru, who makes a few token attempts to command her to go away but eventually gives up and she, he, and the small comedy sidekick demon Jakken who also tags after Sesshoumaru (because he fought under Sess in a huge war and swore to follow him always - woo, command presence!), plus a two-headed lizard-beast-horse-thing form an unlikely pack.

Because Sess tends to leave Jakken, Rin, and the lizardy thing behind when he goes on the Inu!Rampage, it took a long time for the main characters to realize that the human-hating Sesshoumaru has basically adopted this small human child. The Big Baddie Naraku steals Rin at one point to try to manipulate Sesshoumaru, which means that Sess considers Naraku his mortal enemy now. Entirely because of the insult to his august personage, of course, and not because he cares one way or the other about Rin, oh, no. When he's notified that Naraku has Rin, it's great: as octopedingenue puts it, his reaction is basically. "Why should I care? It has nothing to do with me. I'm just going for a walk. In this direction. This is a good direction."

And all of that is only ONE TINY PART of the enormous sprawling saga that its Inu-Yasha.

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay - I'd seen Rin in a couple of episodes, and wondered WTF.

Also, "INU-YAAAASHAAAAA!!" "KAAAGOOOMEEEEE!!" "INU-YAAASHAAAA!!" "KAAAGOOOMEEEEE!!" I swear those two characters can only find each other by echolocation or something. Or they both keep forgetting each other's names, and have to compensate by saying them over and over really loudly: "Um, hey, dog-boy, wossname... um... Fred? no... I-something... sounds like 'ninny' kinda... oh right IIINU-YAAAASHAAAAAA!!!"

[telophase.livejournal.com]

I swear those two characters can only find each other by echolocation

That makes so much sense. I do find the Inu-Yasha promo that features them screaming that at each other over and over really funny because of that. XD

[octopedingenue]

Someday I will work up the nerve to play Marco Polo, Inuyasha-style, at a con with someone, and IT WILL ROCK.

[octopedingenue]

P.S. RINSOCUTE. And her songsocute!

I have to go re-read her introduction volume now.

[oyceter]

Wow. I have never picked it up, but you are convincing me to! I'm guessing you like the anime more?

[telophase.livejournal.com]

Honestly, the reason I like the anime more is that it would cost so much money to catch up on the manga. :D My TiVo catches it and I have it on in the background while I do art or I watch it while I bike - it's perfect for that.

I think they're broadcasting the final season of the anime now. The manga is still ongoing in Japan, and I'll eventually have to figure out where they split and start getting the manga. But I bet octopedingenue will be happy to help me there. :)

If you were going to start it, you really need to watch the first season more-or-less in order because they introduce all the major characters there - I accidentally got the DVDs out of order and missed the one where the lecherous monk Miroku and the demon-slayer Sango were introduced, so it was confusing until I figured out who they were and why they were traveling with Inu-Yasha and Kagome. After that, until near the end it goes into a repetitive formula of searching for the baddie of the week to regain the shard of the Shikon Jewel that said baddie has, all the while searching for, almost catching, and then losing the main villain Naraku. It's near the end that you start getting things that permanently affect the characters.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

As telophase says, it's a great show to watch for free on Adult Swim.

Another thing I like about it is that she's based the characters very loosely on the Journey to the West. And that cracks me the hell up.

[octopedingenue]

I have nice-quality bootlegs* of the first few seasons if you'd like me to loan them (I still owe you YKK) or make you a copy. I discovered Inuyasha through the dub on Adult Swim (my first anime, AWWW), so I love both sub and dub, but overall the Japanese version is better acted / less cheesy.

*I've spent so much money on licensed Inuyasha material from back when I was young and foolish and it was 3 episodes per $20 DVD, my pirate guilt has shrunk very small.

[octopedingenue]

Yes, Sesshomaru is so eeeevil in his fluffy shoujo watercolors. It is a good thing he is a true noble youkai above such worldly things as brotherly squabbles and servant loyalty or someone might get the wrong idea!


P.S. Koga the wolf-demon leader responsible for the wolves who ATE POOR SWEET RIN becomes one of the good guys! Sort of! But this is totally okay because he is hot and wears a fur kilt and swirly-fights and anyway is completely over the baby-eating since he discovered potato chips!

Oh, endless Inuyasha crack, I love you so.

[octopedingenue]

Rampaging headless demons (InuYasha)

You left out the eeeevil dried foodstuffs which when boiled are reconstituted as rampaging demonic mushrooms, seaweed, and cod!


The demonic cod mostly just flopped around.

[telophase.livejournal.com]

You're right! How could I forget the rampaging demonic mushrooms! And poor Kagome trying to carry the play along so that nobody realizes what's happening!

[octopedingenue]

Kagome "Princess Escargot": HEY EVERYBODY, THE EXPLOSIONS ARE TOTALLY PART OF THE SCRIPT
Inuyasha: *eyebrows of doesnotcompute*
Kagome's Hapless Co-Star "Prince": Right-O, "Princess," the show will go on with my dramatic sword flourish!
Inuyasha: All of you people are dangerous crazies but at least hey I know from dramatic sword flourishes!

[azurelunatic]

(wandering in after a bizarre series of links)

Death Note crack. Let's see.

A megalomaniac high school student who wants to be God.
Writing someone's real name in a notebook while visualizing their face kills them.
Mostly-invisible demons. Who love apples as a recreational drug.
A super-gorgeous model who kills people.
Mortal enemies are handcuffed together.
A reclusive famous detective (no one knows his face or real name).
Your father threatening to commit murder/suicide to prove your innocence.
Shell games with important pieces of evidence.
Selective amnesia triggered by possession or lack of possession of a notebook.
Demons that can be killed by them saving someone's life.
Demons stealing people's lifespan by killing them early.
Catfights over an expensive dinner.
Sugar junkie detective.