rachelmanija | (no subject)

Since I enjoyed Patricia Gaffney's Wild at Heart so much, I BookMooched her Fortune's Lady (They were natural enemies - traitor's daughter and zealous patriot - yet the moment he saw Cassandra Merlin at her father's graveside, Riordan knew he would never be free of her. She was the key to stopping a heinous plot against the king's life, yet he sensed she had her own secret reasons for aiding his cause.

But when it arrived, I was... what's the word for "so appalled I burst out laughing?" ... by the back cover blurb:

"Like moonspun magic... One of the best historical romances I have read in a decade!"
-CASSIE EDWARDS, Bestselling Author of THE SAVAGE SERIES

Cassie Edwards, in addition to writing books about "savage" Indians, which is an offense all my itself, turned out to not even be writing her own "savages": she was plagiarizing large chunks of prose from, I kid you not, both another novel and a scholarly article about blackfooted ferrets.

Then I opened the book. This was written in giant letters on the inside front cover:

HELP

I'M KIDNAPPED

I fear that actually reading the book may be a let-down.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Um. Am I the only one paranoid enough to want you to check in with the person who mailed it to you just to make sure, you know, that it isn't true?

I assumed it was a joke, but I'll email just in case.

Wait! won't that just alert the book trader that the prisoner in the basement is leaving frustratingly uninformative SOS notes in old mass market paperbacks that may or may not be mailed off one day?

Also: I feel so bad for all the authors with Cassie Edwards Blurbs on their covers! Would you be MORTIFIED!

Yeah, I'm reasonably sure that anyone careful enough to write in big block letters would do more useful things like... put a name in.

Oh fine, mock me. See what happens when the Man really does get you and the Aliens actually land and ~~force you to have sex with your mortal enemy~~ become our evil overlords.

In hindsight, perhaps someone who loved a book well but none too wisely wrote it in case it was 'permanently borrowed'?

And indeed, it WAS!

I assumed that there was a lot of kidnapping in the book.

I almost feel like that note qualifies this post for the "it could only happen to rachel" tag. Because, what??

Also, holy crap, when do I ever get to use this icon appropriately??

I have nothing useful to say, I just want to use more of my icons.

Tell us how the book is when you're done!

If it can top the cover, that is.

Even if the book is crap, finding tat message makes it all worthwhile.

You may be right about the letdown.

Knowing what I do of cover blurbs, it's entirely possible Cassie Edwards never saw the book, much less read it.

LIKE MOONSPUN MAGIC

There exists the phrase "damned with faint praise" for the recommendation that slams more than it pimps, but is there a name for the recommendation from someone you really don't want a compliment from? Because Cassie Edwards just Reverse Funny Aneurysmed every book she ever enthused about in public.

HELP

I'M KIDNAPPED

CLEARLY A VICTIM OF THIS BOOK

Cassandra Merlin

And her middle name is Jesus.

Also, happy birthday! I am sending you a box of Good Crack; is your address the same? The Bad Crack will come later. Do you want the romance book of the sociopath hero with hooks for hands or the vore gorn book of the demonic man-eating vaginas?

Hook hands, please!

You will also be happy to hear that my year's resolution is returning loaned books in something vaguely resembling a prompt manner, which I seem to have some sort of pathological block about. I promise to get all your outstanding loans back to you by February (if you don't mind, there are some I want to take to China.)

I could *swear* that the first time I read this post, you specified that the HELP message was written in gold glitter ink. Why on earth would my brain insert that detail? I do not know.

Anyway, Happy Birthday!

...because of the "moonspun magic?" Sadly, it is in blue ballpoint.

Thank you!

I really enjoy the way your book reviews bring the ridiculous and the absurd. Thanks for the laugh!