My mother and I once had a brief and extremely weird conversation where we both managed to agree, out loud, that I have all the hallmarks of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse: expressions of kinky sexuality from a young age, hardly any memories of childhood (like, nothing before I was about 12), violent reactions to being startled or tickled or having anyone hold my wrist or put an arm around my shoulders, constant low-grade fear and distrust of men. But neither of us can figure out how or when it might have happened, or who might have abused me, because I was absolutely a mama's girl and she was the most protective mother ever, and had anyone done anything to me that I didn't want, I would have gone screaming to her, twice as loud if they told me not to tell. (When I was three or four years old, I got her to fire a babysitter because I didn't like the poor girl's long fingernails.) So... it is all a mystery. And I kind of envy you for knowing what memory is being triggered.
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Date: 2012-02-14 10:01 pm (UTC)My mother and I once had a brief and extremely weird conversation where we both managed to agree, out loud, that I have all the hallmarks of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse: expressions of kinky sexuality from a young age, hardly any memories of childhood (like, nothing before I was about 12), violent reactions to being startled or tickled or having anyone hold my wrist or put an arm around my shoulders, constant low-grade fear and distrust of men. But neither of us can figure out how or when it might have happened, or who might have abused me, because I was absolutely a mama's girl and she was the most protective mother ever, and had anyone done anything to me that I didn't want, I would have gone screaming to her, twice as loud if they told me not to tell. (When I was three or four years old, I got her to fire a babysitter because I didn't like the poor girl's long fingernails.) So... it is all a mystery. And I kind of envy you for knowing what memory is being triggered.