"(Shoulds are generally harmful and unrealistic. Listen for them.)"
Yesyesyesyes. This is so important.
"Depressed/anxious people often think everything relates to them: if someone glances their way, it proves the person hates, scorns, or is laughing at them."
This is an ongoing biggie to me. In fact, I just this morning managed to relax about something I'd been worrying about for over 20 years. Seriously. An officemate switched offices from sharing mine to sharing somebody else's. I've been worrying (off and on, obviously) about why she didn't like me. It only this morning occurred to me that it wasn't about me. That very likely she switched offices because she really liked the other person, and that what she felt (if anything) about me was not part of the decision.
The MoodGym site (i love that site; must go back and do more) calls this "mindreading". It's handy to have a label.
I <3 Beck. I also really heart Martin Seligman's What You Can Change and What You Can't, which really changed my life; Americans tend to make every single thing their own personal responsibility (or the personal responsibility of the other person), and the book is fabulous about what sorts of issues there are options for and what not. He, by the way, comes down firmly on the side that, in most cases, you can't change your weight, and there's science to back that.
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Date: 2012-07-24 06:24 pm (UTC)Yesyesyesyes. This is so important.
"Depressed/anxious people often think everything relates to them: if someone glances their way, it proves the person hates, scorns, or is laughing at them."
This is an ongoing biggie to me. In fact, I just this morning managed to relax about something I'd been worrying about for over 20 years. Seriously. An officemate switched offices from sharing mine to sharing somebody else's. I've been worrying (off and on, obviously) about why she didn't like me. It only this morning occurred to me that it wasn't about me. That very likely she switched offices because she really liked the other person, and that what she felt (if anything) about me was not part of the decision.
The MoodGym site (i love that site; must go back and do more) calls this "mindreading". It's handy to have a label.
I <3 Beck. I also really heart Martin Seligman's What You Can Change and What You Can't, which really changed my life; Americans tend to make every single thing their own personal responsibility (or the personal responsibility of the other person), and the book is fabulous about what sorts of issues there are options for and what not. He, by the way, comes down firmly on the side that, in most cases, you can't change your weight, and there's science to back that.