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My poem Nine Views of the Oracle, published by Abyss and Apex, has been nominated for a Rhysling Award!
My poem Nine Views of the Oracle, published by Abyss and Apex, has been nominated for a Rhysling Award!
This is a peculiar movie of jaw-dropping badness, a superhero musical comedy in which the writer mostly forgot to write in any actual jokes.
The movie opens with faux-newsreel footage of Captain Invincible (played by Alan Arkin, attaining new heights of unfunny) fighting Nazis and then being persecuted by the House of Un-American Activities Committee. It went on way too long considering how bland it was, but in retrospect was the third-best part of the movie. (The second-best was Christopher Lee, who is such a consummate professional that he made his presence compelling and his song funny, feats which no one else in the cast managed. The best was Captain Invincible’s epaulettes, which were giant silver chicken feet clinging to his shoulders.)
Captain Invincible vanishes for many years, then turns up as a washed-up drunk in Australia. I am tempted to write that the point of the next forty minutes or so of the movie was “alcoholism is hilarious,” but, again, it would have helped if there were actual jokes.
Meanwhile, Mr. Midnight (Christopher Lee), a white supremacist supervillain, steals a hypnotism ray which hypnotizes New York City’s “ethnic” people onto islands which he plans to blow up later. This kept verging on becoming either a genuine satire on racism or an attempt at genuine satire which lapsed into horribly offensive bad taste, but in the actual event, was mostly simply not funny. (See a theme here?) Another setting of the hypnotism ray makes men fall down laughing and women take off their shirts. Again, there may have been some vague thought at satirizing sexism, but it was hard to tell from the actual content, which consisted of topless women.
Captain Invincible is called back into service, but is an alcoholic with no control over his powers. For such a long time that it occurred to me that I might have discovered the origin of the phrase “glacial pacing,” he drinks, is drunk, accidentally makes stuff blow up, and hangs out with a blonde policewoman who is there because a superhero needs a girlfriend – the last is my interpretation, not the movie’s. Then he gets framed by Mr. Midnight, flees with the blonde policewoman, bitches about how America was better in the fifties (what, when he was persecuted by HUAC?), makes more stuff explode, and finally heads off to confront Mr. Midnight.
During all of this, the camera doesn’t move unless Captain Invincible is flying. If there is a scene where characters are sitting down, they freeze in place and the camera freezes in place. At first I thought this was meant as a parody of the over-intense Ready Room scene, but later concluded it was pure ineptness. The actors other than the main three seemed to have been instructed to either stare straight ahead without blinking at all times, or to maniacally switch their eyes from side to side, like a pendulum.
There are songs. It is a rule of comedy songwriting evidently not known to the director or songwriters responsible for this film that merely having characters incongruously burst into song is not, by itself, funny. The song itself also has to be funny. And has to be a good song on its own merits. A catchy tune doesn’t hurt. For instance, “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” from the South Park movie isn’t funny simply because it’s sung by foul-mouthed paper cut-outs, it’s funny because the lyrics are funny, the concept is funny, and the catchy tune is itself funny when considered in light of the ridiculous subject matter and the paper cut-outs who are singing. On the other hand, singing the word “Bullshit” over and over and OVER is not, by itself, funny. On the plus side, though his songs are boring, Arkin has a pleasant voice. (Christopher Lee does make his song funny, purely by force of showmanship.)
Possibly this movie would have been more entertaining if I’d watched it while stoned. Then again, if I’d been stoned, possibly my sofa would have been more entertaining.
The movie opens with faux-newsreel footage of Captain Invincible (played by Alan Arkin, attaining new heights of unfunny) fighting Nazis and then being persecuted by the House of Un-American Activities Committee. It went on way too long considering how bland it was, but in retrospect was the third-best part of the movie. (The second-best was Christopher Lee, who is such a consummate professional that he made his presence compelling and his song funny, feats which no one else in the cast managed. The best was Captain Invincible’s epaulettes, which were giant silver chicken feet clinging to his shoulders.)
Captain Invincible vanishes for many years, then turns up as a washed-up drunk in Australia. I am tempted to write that the point of the next forty minutes or so of the movie was “alcoholism is hilarious,” but, again, it would have helped if there were actual jokes.
Meanwhile, Mr. Midnight (Christopher Lee), a white supremacist supervillain, steals a hypnotism ray which hypnotizes New York City’s “ethnic” people onto islands which he plans to blow up later. This kept verging on becoming either a genuine satire on racism or an attempt at genuine satire which lapsed into horribly offensive bad taste, but in the actual event, was mostly simply not funny. (See a theme here?) Another setting of the hypnotism ray makes men fall down laughing and women take off their shirts. Again, there may have been some vague thought at satirizing sexism, but it was hard to tell from the actual content, which consisted of topless women.
Captain Invincible is called back into service, but is an alcoholic with no control over his powers. For such a long time that it occurred to me that I might have discovered the origin of the phrase “glacial pacing,” he drinks, is drunk, accidentally makes stuff blow up, and hangs out with a blonde policewoman who is there because a superhero needs a girlfriend – the last is my interpretation, not the movie’s. Then he gets framed by Mr. Midnight, flees with the blonde policewoman, bitches about how America was better in the fifties (what, when he was persecuted by HUAC?), makes more stuff explode, and finally heads off to confront Mr. Midnight.
During all of this, the camera doesn’t move unless Captain Invincible is flying. If there is a scene where characters are sitting down, they freeze in place and the camera freezes in place. At first I thought this was meant as a parody of the over-intense Ready Room scene, but later concluded it was pure ineptness. The actors other than the main three seemed to have been instructed to either stare straight ahead without blinking at all times, or to maniacally switch their eyes from side to side, like a pendulum.
There are songs. It is a rule of comedy songwriting evidently not known to the director or songwriters responsible for this film that merely having characters incongruously burst into song is not, by itself, funny. The song itself also has to be funny. And has to be a good song on its own merits. A catchy tune doesn’t hurt. For instance, “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” from the South Park movie isn’t funny simply because it’s sung by foul-mouthed paper cut-outs, it’s funny because the lyrics are funny, the concept is funny, and the catchy tune is itself funny when considered in light of the ridiculous subject matter and the paper cut-outs who are singing. On the other hand, singing the word “Bullshit” over and over and OVER is not, by itself, funny. On the plus side, though his songs are boring, Arkin has a pleasant voice. (Christopher Lee does make his song funny, purely by force of showmanship.)
Possibly this movie would have been more entertaining if I’d watched it while stoned. Then again, if I’d been stoned, possibly my sofa would have been more entertaining.
Tags:
This is a peculiar movie of jaw-dropping badness, a superhero musical comedy in which the writer mostly forgot to write in any actual jokes.
The movie opens with faux-newsreel footage of Captain Invincible (played by Alan Arkin, attaining new heights of unfunny) fighting Nazis and then being persecuted by the House of Un-American Activities Committee. It went on way too long considering how bland it was, but in retrospect was the third-best part of the movie. (The second-best was Christopher Lee, who is such a consummate professional that he made his presence compelling and his song funny, feats which no one else in the cast managed. The best was Captain Invincible’s epaulettes, which were giant silver chicken feet clinging to his shoulders.)
Captain Invincible vanishes for many years, then turns up as a washed-up drunk in Australia. I am tempted to write that the point of the next forty minutes or so of the movie was “alcoholism is hilarious,” but, again, it would have helped if there were actual jokes.
Meanwhile, Mr. Midnight (Christopher Lee), a white supremacist supervillain, steals a hypnotism ray which hypnotizes New York City’s “ethnic” people onto islands which he plans to blow up later. This kept verging on becoming either a genuine satire on racism or an attempt at genuine satire which lapsed into horribly offensive bad taste, but in the actual event, was mostly simply not funny. (See a theme here?) Another setting of the hypnotism ray makes men fall down laughing and women take off their shirts. Again, there may have been some vague thought at satirizing sexism, but it was hard to tell from the actual content, which consisted of topless women.
Captain Invincible is called back into service, but is an alcoholic with no control over his powers. For such a long time that it occurred to me that I might have discovered the origin of the phrase “glacial pacing,” he drinks, is drunk, accidentally makes stuff blow up, and hangs out with a blonde policewoman who is there because a superhero needs a girlfriend – the last is my interpretation, not the movie’s. Then he gets framed by Mr. Midnight, flees with the blonde policewoman, bitches about how America was better in the fifties (what, when he was persecuted by HUAC?), makes more stuff explode, and finally heads off to confront Mr. Midnight.
During all of this, the camera doesn’t move unless Captain Invincible is flying. If there is a scene where characters are sitting down, they freeze in place and the camera freezes in place. At first I thought this was meant as a parody of the over-intense Ready Room scene, but later concluded it was pure ineptness. The actors other than the main three seemed to have been instructed to either stare straight ahead without blinking at all times, or to maniacally switch their eyes from side to side, like a pendulum.
There are songs. It is a rule of comedy songwriting evidently not known to the director or songwriters responsible for this film that merely having characters incongruously burst into song is not, by itself, funny. The song itself also has to be funny. And has to be a good song on its own merits. A catchy tune doesn’t hurt. For instance, “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” from the South Park movie isn’t funny simply because it’s sung by foul-mouthed paper cut-outs, it’s funny because the lyrics are funny, the concept is funny, and the catchy tune is itself funny when considered in light of the ridiculous subject matter and the paper cut-outs who are singing. On the other hand, singing the word “Bullshit” over and over and OVER is not, by itself, funny. On the plus side, though his songs are boring, Arkin has a pleasant voice. (Christopher Lee does make his song funny, purely by force of showmanship.)
Possibly this movie would have been more entertaining if I’d watched it while stoned. Then again, if I’d been stoned, possibly my sofa would have been more entertaining.
The movie opens with faux-newsreel footage of Captain Invincible (played by Alan Arkin, attaining new heights of unfunny) fighting Nazis and then being persecuted by the House of Un-American Activities Committee. It went on way too long considering how bland it was, but in retrospect was the third-best part of the movie. (The second-best was Christopher Lee, who is such a consummate professional that he made his presence compelling and his song funny, feats which no one else in the cast managed. The best was Captain Invincible’s epaulettes, which were giant silver chicken feet clinging to his shoulders.)
Captain Invincible vanishes for many years, then turns up as a washed-up drunk in Australia. I am tempted to write that the point of the next forty minutes or so of the movie was “alcoholism is hilarious,” but, again, it would have helped if there were actual jokes.
Meanwhile, Mr. Midnight (Christopher Lee), a white supremacist supervillain, steals a hypnotism ray which hypnotizes New York City’s “ethnic” people onto islands which he plans to blow up later. This kept verging on becoming either a genuine satire on racism or an attempt at genuine satire which lapsed into horribly offensive bad taste, but in the actual event, was mostly simply not funny. (See a theme here?) Another setting of the hypnotism ray makes men fall down laughing and women take off their shirts. Again, there may have been some vague thought at satirizing sexism, but it was hard to tell from the actual content, which consisted of topless women.
Captain Invincible is called back into service, but is an alcoholic with no control over his powers. For such a long time that it occurred to me that I might have discovered the origin of the phrase “glacial pacing,” he drinks, is drunk, accidentally makes stuff blow up, and hangs out with a blonde policewoman who is there because a superhero needs a girlfriend – the last is my interpretation, not the movie’s. Then he gets framed by Mr. Midnight, flees with the blonde policewoman, bitches about how America was better in the fifties (what, when he was persecuted by HUAC?), makes more stuff explode, and finally heads off to confront Mr. Midnight.
During all of this, the camera doesn’t move unless Captain Invincible is flying. If there is a scene where characters are sitting down, they freeze in place and the camera freezes in place. At first I thought this was meant as a parody of the over-intense Ready Room scene, but later concluded it was pure ineptness. The actors other than the main three seemed to have been instructed to either stare straight ahead without blinking at all times, or to maniacally switch their eyes from side to side, like a pendulum.
There are songs. It is a rule of comedy songwriting evidently not known to the director or songwriters responsible for this film that merely having characters incongruously burst into song is not, by itself, funny. The song itself also has to be funny. And has to be a good song on its own merits. A catchy tune doesn’t hurt. For instance, “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” from the South Park movie isn’t funny simply because it’s sung by foul-mouthed paper cut-outs, it’s funny because the lyrics are funny, the concept is funny, and the catchy tune is itself funny when considered in light of the ridiculous subject matter and the paper cut-outs who are singing. On the other hand, singing the word “Bullshit” over and over and OVER is not, by itself, funny. On the plus side, though his songs are boring, Arkin has a pleasant voice. (Christopher Lee does make his song funny, purely by force of showmanship.)
Possibly this movie would have been more entertaining if I’d watched it while stoned. Then again, if I’d been stoned, possibly my sofa would have been more entertaining.
Tags:
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