I read The Indian in the Cupboard when I was ten or so, and while I was charmed by the idea of bringing tiny figures of people (and better yet, animals) to life, even then I thought the portrayal of the Indian seemed vaguely racist. Since I did not have a strong racism-o-meter at that age, I can only imagine what I’d think now and will not be re-reading that one.

I was not aware that there was more than one sequel, and was tipped off that there are in fact five of increasing levels of batshit, and that # 4 largely concerns Omri’s ancestor’s hatred of plastic. So I had to read it to see if it was as bonkers as it sounded. It was even more bonkers!

I had not read the intervening book 3, but it was helpfully recapped in this one. Apparently Omri and his friend Patrick travel to the time of the Indian Little Bear, where he is full-sized and they are tiny, only there is a tornado in his time and when they return they bring it with them and it destroys “half of England” (this is not at all apparent in book 4) and also Omri’s house. Before that Omri’s house is invaded by skinheads who are fought off by a miniature soldier.

In this book, Omri’s family conveniently inherits a house and moves into it literally without ever visiting it first. When they arrive, they are shocked to discover that the antique thatched roof has to be replaced at staggering expense. (Much is made of the expense early on but this is never mentioned again and has no consequences.)

In a bafflingly irrelevant subplot, his cat escapes on the first day, Omri spends tons of time searching for her, then totally forgets about her for the middle stretch of the book, then finds her and also her surprise kittens in the loft, then his friend Patrick falls out of the loft and breaks his leg. None of this has anything to do with anything else in the book.

When their new home is getting re-thatched, Omri discovers the hidden journal of his great-great aunt Jessica (the family relationships are SO COMPLICATED I had to check them all on Wikipedia; I couldn’t follow them at all in the book) which was continued by his great-uncle Frederick. Much of the book consists of this journal.

Everything else is both spoilery and absolutely batshit. Also incredibly melodramatic. And kind of inappropriate for its intended age group. I have to say, you probably don’t want to miss this. One word: plastics. )

Truly, a book worthy of the author of Harry the Poisonous Centipede Goes to the Seaside.

I will read and review the fifth and final book if enough of you promise in comments that you will give me some sort of reward, like write me a fic or draw me a sketch or review a book yourself or mail me a plastic figurine or make a donation to a good cause.

The Mystery of the Cupboard

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