Herter’s magnum opus, though, was “Bull Cook,” a wild mix of recipes, unsourced claims and unhinged philosophy that went through at least 15 editions between 1960 and 1970. Herter claimed one million copies sold; Brown guesses it was closer to 100,000. Either number is impressive, and the wild curveball of the book’s opening lines remains unmatchedin American literature: “I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap and also what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attack, keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible.”
Boasting such wondrous entries as Cochise Venison Hamburgers, the book also suggests Herter had a knack for sniffing out recipes by historical personages; one of his books purports to give Hitler’s recipe for omelets. (“He always said he enjoyed the belches as much as the meal.”) But the greatest Herterisms often have the artless charm of a confused book report: “Johannes Kepler was a well-known German astrologer. He was born in 1571 and died in 1630. His work on astronomy has long since been forgotten but his creating liverwurst will never be forgotten.”
Herter never acknowledges — not once — that his facts are any less sturdy and real than his Herter’s Famous No. 153 Saskatchewan Goose Call. No, sir: Herter facts are the finest, the most famous, specially selected and custom-made by only the oldest and most experienced craftsmen — even more factual than is necessary. No sooner do you digest his account of drinking with Hemingway in Key West (where Papa recommends a mixture of three parts light rum to one ounce of port wine as “great for dandruff”) than you come across a chapter called “Milking Scorpions Brings You $150 or More a Week.”
Alas, neither scorpion milk nor leopard ranching — another Herter get-rich idea — could keep George himself afloat. Herter’s Inc. went bankrupt in 1981 amid reports of millions of dollars in debt and unfilled orders. Already the holder of dozens of patents, Herter continued innovating — his name turns up in a byzantine 1982 patent for petroleum refining — but he appears to have stopped writing long before, and he died in 1994. Today worn copies of his books circulate among a Herter underground drawn to the irresistible bluster of such lines as “Being eaten alive by hyenas is less painful than you would think.”
Jonathan Miles: Modern cookbook writers rarely take the time to address the origins of women's panties, the best time of year for eating robins and meadowlarks, the effects of menstruation on mayonnaise-making and the unheralded kitchen pioneering of Genghis Khan, the Virgin Mary and Stonewall Jackson. George Herter's bombastic comic-culinary masterpiece, "Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices," self-published in 1960, did all that and more, as the opening lines attest: "I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap and also what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attack. Keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible." Imagine the "Joy of Cooking" in the early stages of dementia. Jonathan Miles contributes the Shaken and Stirred column to the Sunday Styles section of The Times.
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Date: 2019-04-11 12:23 am (UTC)Herter’s magnum opus, though, was “Bull Cook,” a wild mix of recipes, unsourced claims and unhinged philosophy that went through at least 15 editions between 1960 and 1970. Herter claimed one million copies sold; Brown guesses it was closer to 100,000. Either number is impressive, and the wild curveball of the book’s opening lines remains unmatchedin American literature: “I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap and also what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attack, keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible.”
Boasting such wondrous entries as Cochise Venison Hamburgers, the book also suggests Herter had a knack for sniffing out recipes by historical personages; one of his books purports to give Hitler’s recipe for omelets. (“He always said he enjoyed the belches as much as the meal.”) But the greatest Herterisms often have the artless charm of a confused book report: “Johannes Kepler was a well-known German astrologer. He was born in 1571 and died in 1630. His work on astronomy has long since been forgotten but his creating liverwurst will never be forgotten.”
Herter never acknowledges — not once — that his facts are any less sturdy and real than his Herter’s Famous No. 153 Saskatchewan Goose Call. No, sir: Herter facts are the finest, the most famous, specially selected and custom-made by only the oldest and most experienced craftsmen — even more factual than is necessary. No sooner do you digest his account of drinking with Hemingway in Key West (where Papa recommends a mixture of three parts light rum to one ounce of port wine as “great for dandruff”) than you come across a chapter called “Milking Scorpions Brings You $150 or More a Week.”
Alas, neither scorpion milk nor leopard ranching — another Herter get-rich idea — could keep George himself afloat. Herter’s Inc. went bankrupt in 1981 amid reports of millions of dollars in debt and unfilled orders. Already the holder of dozens of patents, Herter continued innovating — his name turns up in a byzantine 1982 patent for petroleum refining — but he appears to have stopped writing long before, and he died in 1994. Today worn copies of his books circulate among a Herter underground drawn to the irresistible bluster of such lines as “Being eaten alive by hyenas is less painful than you would think.”
Eat Like a Man reviewed in Esquire: https://www.esquire.com/food-drink/food/a30044/manliest-cookbook-ever/
Paris Review blog from 2012: https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2012/12/27/furious-george/
Probably how most people heard of him: https://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/28/books/review/28outofprintcookbks.html from 2006
Jonathan Miles: Modern cookbook writers rarely take the time to address the origins of women's panties, the best time of year for eating robins and meadowlarks, the effects of menstruation on mayonnaise-making and the unheralded kitchen pioneering of Genghis Khan, the Virgin Mary and Stonewall Jackson. George Herter's bombastic comic-culinary masterpiece, "Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices," self-published in 1960, did all that and more, as the opening lines attest: "I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap and also what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attack. Keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible." Imagine the "Joy of Cooking" in the early stages of dementia.
Jonathan Miles contributes the Shaken and Stirred column to the Sunday Styles section of The Times.