I don't know what her lesbian dates were like, but getting rejected is not unique to men, and if I can manage to cope with men who cruelly and capriciously withold sex from me by refusing to date or have sex with me, without gaining a murderous hatred of men, I don't see why men can't do the same.
I have been thinking a lot recently about the whole "mad with desire, he couldn't control himself" rhetorical trope we have for men's sexual behavior-- a few months ago I realized I was in love with someone who had no idea I am attracted to her, and this person often (in the normal course of our lives) is physically intimate with me, occasionally jokingly flirty.
When this happens I am reminded how completely fucked up it is that a standard model of behavior, or explanation for behavior, is that of a man driven to violent action because his sense of desire was inflamed by an unavailable woman. I can stand there, melting and trembling when my best friend pretends to flirt with me, and I still know the difference between right and wrong-- hell, I even know the difference between pragmatic and self-indulgent. (Which is why I haven't told her.) Oh, man, I hate the patriarchy.
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Date: 2007-06-07 10:00 pm (UTC)I have been thinking a lot recently about the whole "mad with desire, he couldn't control himself" rhetorical trope we have for men's sexual behavior-- a few months ago I realized I was in love with someone who had no idea I am attracted to her, and this person often (in the normal course of our lives) is physically intimate with me, occasionally jokingly flirty.
When this happens I am reminded how completely fucked up it is that a standard model of behavior, or explanation for behavior, is that of a man driven to violent action because his sense of desire was inflamed by an unavailable woman. I can stand there, melting and trembling when my best friend pretends to flirt with me, and I still know the difference between right and wrong-- hell, I even know the difference between pragmatic and self-indulgent. (Which is why I haven't told her.) Oh, man, I hate the patriarchy.