Thank you for the time and energy you've invested in your reply.
I do not wish to communicate in any way, metaphorically or otherwise, that women are either helpless or animals. Please do not take anything I have said that way. It's simply that I'm not talking about women, I'm talking about men, the same way that you are.
As I pointed out elsewhere on this post, all men (bar eunuchs) possess the capacity to rape. Those men who choose to be honest about it, acknowledge privately that there is fire under that smoke, that to choose to be a civilized man is to choose self-control and especially in this context, respect for a woman's choice. (I am neglecting male-male rape.)
Choosing not to rape is a choice for many men. Those men who do rape, IMAO, surrender their claim to humanity through such an act. It is not that these men weren't human . . . it is that they turned in their humanity through infamous although all too common crime, and thereby should lose the respect of all. I label this as personal opinion but I know it is shared by many men. (I will also neglect the rape - beast - racism link.)
It would be very comforting to pretend that of course I would never do such a thing, nor would my friends, co-workers, countrymen, etc. To pretend this is to open the door for it to happen, and in fact to go on happening, continuing the conspiracy of silence. I believe this is one function of rape myths, to serve as an emotional crutch for men to avoid confronting the power and the perils of their own sexuality.
We talk of "inhuman acts" but that is precisely it, these inhuman acts are committed by human beings just like all of us.
Rape myths make it harder for men to exercise social control (both formal and informal) over other men; for women to complain to both women and men regarding problematic as well as criminal conduct; and frame the discussion between men and women in unhealthy ways.
A lot of these myths are comforting lies that men cling to in order to hide the fact (even from themselves) that they are in fact capable of committing rape. So it is true that debunking rape myths is a large part of the problem, but only part.
In the criminological and psychiatric literature it is known that there are several categories of male sex offenders, with motives roughly separated into anger, power and control.
Even if the myths of rape were to be demolished, and every ethical man were to be given the education and the tools to ensure that he would not only never commit a sex crime, but to fully respect the opposite gender in all ways (which would of course be a major improvement) . . .
What about all the rest of the men?
I have seen statistics that one quarter to one third of men would rape if they were assured that they would not get caught; some feminists put the number much higher. Certainly the huge gap between reported & actual rapes (3x to 10x reported), backed up by studies such as the NCVS, shows that not only are there a lot more victims out there, but there are a lot more offenders too.
I don't see debunking myths as enough. I just don't. We get right back to the "teaching sharks not to bite" problem.
Men are the problem. Men must be key to the solution. For a long time yet, someone is going to have to stand between abusive men and their victims. I intend nothing paternalistic or chauvinistic about this. One of many ideas is to automatically grant women concealed weapons permits while requiring men to show cause; 90% of violent crime is committed by men, so there is strong reason behind this gender bias.
Damaged men are often made by their life experiences. The main predictor of sex crime in adulthood is a history of childhood abuse. The long-term solution to men who rape will involve getting rid of criminogenic environments in families, schools and prisons.
I hesitate to mention that I am a survivor and that I am and have been intimate with survivors. I decided to mention it only in the hopes that people reading this might take a closer look at my perspective.
I try to bring you the perspective of one man, and you suggest that I listen more to women. Thanks for your time and your forbearance; if I haven't communicated adequately here, enough is enough.
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Date: 2009-06-16 12:55 am (UTC)I do not wish to communicate in any way, metaphorically or otherwise, that women are either helpless or animals. Please do not take anything I have said that way. It's simply that I'm not talking about women, I'm talking about men, the same way that you are.
As I pointed out elsewhere on this post, all men (bar eunuchs) possess the capacity to rape. Those men who choose to be honest about it, acknowledge privately that there is fire under that smoke, that to choose to be a civilized man is to choose self-control and especially in this context, respect for a woman's choice. (I am neglecting male-male rape.)
Choosing not to rape is a choice for many men. Those men who do rape, IMAO, surrender their claim to humanity through such an act. It is not that these men weren't human . . . it is that they turned in their humanity through infamous although all too common crime, and thereby should lose the respect of all. I label this as personal opinion but I know it is shared by many men. (I will also neglect the rape - beast - racism link.)
It would be very comforting to pretend that of course I would never do such a thing, nor would my friends, co-workers, countrymen, etc. To pretend this is to open the door for it to happen, and in fact to go on happening, continuing the conspiracy of silence. I believe this is one function of rape myths, to serve as an emotional crutch for men to avoid confronting the power and the perils of their own sexuality.
We talk of "inhuman acts" but that is precisely it, these inhuman acts are committed by human beings just like all of us.
Rape myths make it harder for men to exercise social control (both formal and informal) over other men; for women to complain to both women and men regarding problematic as well as criminal conduct; and frame the discussion between men and women in unhealthy ways.
A lot of these myths are comforting lies that men cling to in order to hide the fact (even from themselves) that they are in fact capable of committing rape. So it is true that debunking rape myths is a large part of the problem, but only part.
In the criminological and psychiatric literature it is known that there are several categories of male sex offenders, with motives roughly separated into anger, power and control.
Even if the myths of rape were to be demolished, and every ethical man were to be given the education and the tools to ensure that he would not only never commit a sex crime, but to fully respect the opposite gender in all ways (which would of course be a major improvement) . . .
What about all the rest of the men?
I have seen statistics that one quarter to one third of men would rape if they were assured that they would not get caught; some feminists put the number much higher. Certainly the huge gap between reported & actual rapes (3x to 10x reported), backed up by studies such as the NCVS, shows that not only are there a lot more victims out there, but there are a lot more offenders too.
I don't see debunking myths as enough. I just don't. We get right back to the "teaching sharks not to bite" problem.
Men are the problem. Men must be key to the solution. For a long time yet, someone is going to have to stand between abusive men and their victims. I intend nothing paternalistic or chauvinistic about this. One of many ideas is to automatically grant women concealed weapons permits while requiring men to show cause; 90% of violent crime is committed by men, so there is strong reason behind this gender bias.
Damaged men are often made by their life experiences. The main predictor of sex crime in adulthood is a history of childhood abuse. The long-term solution to men who rape will involve getting rid of criminogenic environments in families, schools and prisons.
I hesitate to mention that I am a survivor and that I am and have been intimate with survivors. I decided to mention it only in the hopes that people reading this might take a closer look at my perspective.
I try to bring you the perspective of one man, and you suggest that I listen more to women. Thanks for your time and your forbearance; if I haven't communicated adequately here, enough is enough.