A Quokka Dreeds its Weird

See, the idea of absinthe + champagne makes me actually GLAD I accepted that offer of a Heineken Lite one sunny afternoon my freshman year and was immediately turned into an alcoholic, so I can say, 'ALAS, WOEZ, I HAD ONE TOO MANY BARTLES & JAYMES WINE COOLERS* AND THE PLEASURE OF GREEN FIZZY SHIT ARE DENIED TO ME, I WILL BE OVER HERE AS AN OBJECT LESSON BITING THE CELERY STICK FROM MY VIRGIN MARY IN HALF, THE BONE-DRY SKELETON AT THE FEAST.' //chomp

-- OMG, this all reminds me of a series of books rachelmanija might like -- about Innocent Young Teens who went to the Big City, where they did things like smoke a joint or drink a beer and then were IMMEDIATELY TURNED INTO HOOKERS AND THIEVES OMFG, only they were then rescued by Jesus Freak people who were painfully hip and it was only on like the last two pages you found out they were really into Jesus and what a cool cat Jesus was and if you got on Jesus' groovy trip too you would realize DRUGS WERE NO HIGH AT ALL, and now these young formerly lost people were writing down their message so you would know it too (oh man the painfully contrived YA narrative framing devices of yesteryear....). There was like a series of them. I saw one at the old Twice Sold Tales location last year and stupidly did not buy it.


*Girls I knew actually drank these and, when I said, "But you have to have like six of them to get a _buzz_ on!" informed me no, that was kind of the point.