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For my own benefit, I am looking for stories of two types of therapy moments:
1. Things a therapist did right.
2. Things a therapist did wrong.
In both cases, I'm looking for things that weren't obvious.
For "wrong things," I'm not thinking of clearly, extremely terrible things that I would never do in a million years, like having sex with a client, telling a client their abuse was their own fault, telling a client not to be gay, etc. I'm looking for mistakes that were more subtle than that - things a well-meaning but inexperienced therapist might do. For example, it was not beneficial to me (as a client) to let me sit there and recount lengthy abuse stories, and then have the therapist immediately start delving deeper into the abuse. But that's not an obvious mistake on the level of "It was all your fault it happened."
For right things, also, I'm looking for moments that went beyond the obvious "She was very empathetic," "He told me it wasn't my fault," or "She helped me see the connections between my childhood and my adult relationships." I am particularly interested in any times in which a therapist managed to do a good job with identity issues (gender, culture, etc), whether or not the therapist had the same identity as the client.
I realize that everyone is different, and what's right for one person may be wrong for another. I'm not looking for a rule book, but rather for inspiration and food for thought.
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1. Things a therapist did right.
2. Things a therapist did wrong.
In both cases, I'm looking for things that weren't obvious.
For "wrong things," I'm not thinking of clearly, extremely terrible things that I would never do in a million years, like having sex with a client, telling a client their abuse was their own fault, telling a client not to be gay, etc. I'm looking for mistakes that were more subtle than that - things a well-meaning but inexperienced therapist might do. For example, it was not beneficial to me (as a client) to let me sit there and recount lengthy abuse stories, and then have the therapist immediately start delving deeper into the abuse. But that's not an obvious mistake on the level of "It was all your fault it happened."
For right things, also, I'm looking for moments that went beyond the obvious "She was very empathetic," "He told me it wasn't my fault," or "She helped me see the connections between my childhood and my adult relationships." I am particularly interested in any times in which a therapist managed to do a good job with identity issues (gender, culture, etc), whether or not the therapist had the same identity as the client.
I realize that everyone is different, and what's right for one person may be wrong for another. I'm not looking for a rule book, but rather for inspiration and food for thought.
Anonymous comments are enabled but screened. If you comment anonymously, please let me know whether or not you'd like me to unscreen.
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This is very different from objective observations of positive traits like "You're intelligent" or "You consider other people's feelings", or challenging beliefs about unlikeability in a different way. Basically I was dealing with feeling rejected by everyone, and she would respond with "Well, I like you".
When I politely explained that this wasn't appropriate or helpful and it was making me uncomfortable, she took it very personally, as though I in turn had said I didn't like her (which I didn't and never would). I was sure then that stopping therapy was the right move.
Even good therapists can make little missteps. I had one who helped me quite a bit, but once I was saying something about my parents, and she commented, "Wow, that reminds me so much of my own mother". Nothing further than that, and it wasn't a big deal, but still not helpful or appropriate IMO.
It's harder to think of specific good moments that stand out. The best therapists I've had were very skilled at maintaining a pleasant rapport while staying firmly within boundaries. I like therapists that I can laugh and joke with, but trust that as friendly as our interaction may look, the therapist understands 100% that it isn't a friendship. It doesn't have to be super-serious to be professional, if that makes sense.