Steamboy in Fifteen Seconds

[rachelmanija]

This movie annoyed me so much that I'm reviewing it for Green Man right now. But lest anyone want to see it before my review comes out, let me just recount the entire movie for you:

A kid named Ray gets a McGufffin called a steam ball. Other people get hold of it. He gets it back. Doors slide open, revealing an amazing piece of machinery, an astonishing vista, or a character making a dramatic entrance. Machinery starts to malfunction. Someone fixes the malfunction by opening or closing a valve. Stuff blows up. Repeat the events of each sentence about fifty times.

You think I'm exaggerating for comic effect, but I'm not. Something like one-fourth of the total dialogue in this movie was either "Close the valve!" or "Open the valve!"

And yeah, yeah, the animation was incredible. I am a fan of incredible animation. I was still bored to death and making sarcastic comments to my seatmate.

Megalomaniac character # 5 (all the major adult characters in this movie are magalomaniacs): Now I will rule the world! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Me: I was waiting for someone to say HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Machinery starts malfunctioning.

Me: Close the valve! Or open the valve!

Megalomaniac character # 3: I'll close valve # 6! Ray, you open valve # 12!

Me: ...Yep.

Watch Fullmetal Alchemist instead.

Comments

[yhlee.livejournal.com]

What an appropriate icon for the task. :-)

I'm currently trying to pimp FMA to a couple other people. Although I need to get some DVD-Rs first.

[kateelliott.livejournal.com]

A high school student reviewed it for the paper here, and he said that the animation was gorgeous. It was clear he didn't think much of the plot.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Heh. We're going to see this tonight. At least there will be ice cream.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

So what did you think?

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I didn't hate it. I didn't love it, either. I was all about the chase stuff in the early going, but as it wore on...mostly, it bored me. Some very wonky bits. If the steamball is superdense...dense stuff is _heavy,_ right? Generally? Especially if the steamball is also inexhaustible? And steam is hot--so why wasn't the entire cast scalded to death several times over? Also, there was copious cringing every time Scarlet opened her mouth.

The ice cream was super, though. Mmm, ice cream!

[slithytove.livejournal.com]

Valves are hawt.

[larryhammer]

Yes, but are they as hawt as Edna Mole?

---L.

[thomasyan.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the warning. I'll probably still go see it, but now I'll know what to expect.

It's not a good sign when Ebert, who seems inordinately fond of animation, gives it thumbs down.