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This is for bookelfe/skygiants. Of course. (Yes, I'm out of order.)
I’m sticking with books here. A lot of manga and anime operates on different narrative rules, so the bizarreness makes wacky internal sense. I do have to mention, though, the complete works of Kaori Yuki if you have any interest in things like random flying Heavenly whales, apocalypse by army of flying zombie angel embryos, and people getting turned into masses of writhing tentacles and kept in the bathtub.
Even so, it was very, very difficult to narrow this down to five. There are bizarre premises (“I will break every bone in my body because then they’ll grow back stronger and I WILL BE INVINCIBLE”), the sheer weight of ridiculousness in a single book (the bone-breaking book also featured the near-death of the hero’s milk-allergic brother when the hero’s cheating girlfriend ate pizza, then kissed the brother), the sudden intrusion of absurdity into a previously non-bizarre book (two-thirds sensitive exploration of sketchy power dynamics, one third EVIL BALL OF MASKED S&M SMALL PRESS POETS), and unwanted intrusions by the author’s peculiar id (of course the most desirable whores have hooves.) Not to mention Terry Goodkind's infamous evil chicken. How to choose?
I have so many contenders that I was forced to name winners in categories.
Most Stupid Protagonist
Runner-Up: Oscar, the hero of Myke Cole’s Control Point. When faced with the difficult decision of who he should get help from— a) his best friend, b) a friendly acquaintance, or c) the sociopathic supervillain who is currently locked up after going on a mass slaughter rampage but who promises to help him out if he’ll only release her from the magical wards laid on her to stop her from slaughtering everyone in sight— guess who he picks?
Winner: Summer in Mary Brown’s Master of Many Treasures, for failing to get rid of a traveling companion whom she easily could get rid of, after he repeatedly and deliberately endangers her and all the rest of her companions, including trying to kill a friend of hers in a random fit of temper. Also for ignoring all advice by people who clearly have her best interest in mind, and taking all advice by people holding up HI I AM EVIL signs, and for failing to learn from very consistent consequences, like falling into quicksand full of rotting corpses because she couldn’t bear to take her best friend’s advice that the left-hand path led to the Swamp of Rotting Corpses. Also for believing that a good excuse for stalking her dragon ex-boyfriend is explaining that she actually fell in love with him when she thought he was a flying pig.
This doesn’t have anything to do with her intelligence, but I just want to mention that during the course of the book, she lays an egg.
Once Is Tragedy, One Million Times Is Hilarity
Crazy-Beautiful, by Lauren Baratz-Logsted
Gee, if I'd known spilling my orange juice was this effective, I'd have spilled it in Dad's direction every day when I was younger. Then maybe he'd have made time to do things with me like, I don't know, play catch in the yard. Not that I'm complaining or playing the neglected child card. I'll never do that. I know what I've done. I know who's responsible for everything in my life, past, present, and future. Still, a little catch would have been fun, when I still had hands.
…
And what of me and my hands? Or, I should say, lack of hands.
…
I finish loading the dryer, hookload by hookload, use my hook to set the dial at seventy minutes, use my hook to depress the button.
Most Ridiculous Plot Twists
Runners-Up:
All books by Sheri Tepper. Future ones too. Every Sheri Tepper book in which infanticide is presented as the solution to the problems of the world. Also the one where the heroine turns out to be a de-aged squid-person. She might lay an egg too, I forget.
The indie gangster movie, name forgotten, in which the screenwriter’s poorly thought-through desire to add on one more surprise reveal meant that the entire action of the movie consisted of a drug lord hiring people to steal his own drugs.
The Isobelle Carmody books with the love quadrangle between two humans and two transformed dogs.
Dan Simmons’ The Rise of Endymion. The climactic revelation of the entire series is that quantum strings are made out of love.
Frank Herbert’s God-Emperor of Dune. It makes sense in context, but I still find it hilarious that the climax consists of the main character becoming a million worms.
Lord of Legends, by Susan Krinard. I still have no idea why the heroine’s housekeeper turned into a talking fox.
And finally… drum roll… the winner!
Spider Robinson’s Starseed. The heroine is paralyzed via drugs, has multiple bad guys holding guns on her, and isabout to be killed. As her last request, she asks for a moment to meditate. When they grant it, she achieves enlightenment. This enables her to become telepathic, overcome the effects of the paralyzing drug, and slaughter the bad guys with kung fu.
I’m sticking with books here. A lot of manga and anime operates on different narrative rules, so the bizarreness makes wacky internal sense. I do have to mention, though, the complete works of Kaori Yuki if you have any interest in things like random flying Heavenly whales, apocalypse by army of flying zombie angel embryos, and people getting turned into masses of writhing tentacles and kept in the bathtub.
Even so, it was very, very difficult to narrow this down to five. There are bizarre premises (“I will break every bone in my body because then they’ll grow back stronger and I WILL BE INVINCIBLE”), the sheer weight of ridiculousness in a single book (the bone-breaking book also featured the near-death of the hero’s milk-allergic brother when the hero’s cheating girlfriend ate pizza, then kissed the brother), the sudden intrusion of absurdity into a previously non-bizarre book (two-thirds sensitive exploration of sketchy power dynamics, one third EVIL BALL OF MASKED S&M SMALL PRESS POETS), and unwanted intrusions by the author’s peculiar id (of course the most desirable whores have hooves.) Not to mention Terry Goodkind's infamous evil chicken. How to choose?
I have so many contenders that I was forced to name winners in categories.
Most Stupid Protagonist
Runner-Up: Oscar, the hero of Myke Cole’s Control Point. When faced with the difficult decision of who he should get help from— a) his best friend, b) a friendly acquaintance, or c) the sociopathic supervillain who is currently locked up after going on a mass slaughter rampage but who promises to help him out if he’ll only release her from the magical wards laid on her to stop her from slaughtering everyone in sight— guess who he picks?
Winner: Summer in Mary Brown’s Master of Many Treasures, for failing to get rid of a traveling companion whom she easily could get rid of, after he repeatedly and deliberately endangers her and all the rest of her companions, including trying to kill a friend of hers in a random fit of temper. Also for ignoring all advice by people who clearly have her best interest in mind, and taking all advice by people holding up HI I AM EVIL signs, and for failing to learn from very consistent consequences, like falling into quicksand full of rotting corpses because she couldn’t bear to take her best friend’s advice that the left-hand path led to the Swamp of Rotting Corpses. Also for believing that a good excuse for stalking her dragon ex-boyfriend is explaining that she actually fell in love with him when she thought he was a flying pig.
This doesn’t have anything to do with her intelligence, but I just want to mention that during the course of the book, she lays an egg.
Once Is Tragedy, One Million Times Is Hilarity
Crazy-Beautiful, by Lauren Baratz-Logsted
Gee, if I'd known spilling my orange juice was this effective, I'd have spilled it in Dad's direction every day when I was younger. Then maybe he'd have made time to do things with me like, I don't know, play catch in the yard. Not that I'm complaining or playing the neglected child card. I'll never do that. I know what I've done. I know who's responsible for everything in my life, past, present, and future. Still, a little catch would have been fun, when I still had hands.
…
And what of me and my hands? Or, I should say, lack of hands.
…
I finish loading the dryer, hookload by hookload, use my hook to set the dial at seventy minutes, use my hook to depress the button.
Most Ridiculous Plot Twists
Runners-Up:
The indie gangster movie, name forgotten, in which the screenwriter’s poorly thought-through desire to add on one more surprise reveal meant that the entire action of the movie consisted of a drug lord hiring people to steal his own drugs.
The Isobelle Carmody books with the love quadrangle between two humans and two transformed dogs.
Dan Simmons’ The Rise of Endymion. The climactic revelation of the entire series is that quantum strings are made out of love.
Frank Herbert’s God-Emperor of Dune. It makes sense in context, but I still find it hilarious that the climax consists of the main character becoming a million worms.
Lord of Legends, by Susan Krinard. I still have no idea why the heroine’s housekeeper turned into a talking fox.
And finally… drum roll… the winner!
Spider Robinson’s Starseed. The heroine is paralyzed via drugs, has multiple bad guys holding guns on her, and isabout to be killed. As her last request, she asks for a moment to meditate. When they grant it, she achieves enlightenment. This enables her to become telepathic, overcome the effects of the paralyzing drug, and slaughter the bad guys with kung fu.
Tags:
- author: baratz-logsted lauren,
- author: brown mary,
- author: carmody isobelle,
- author: cole myke,
- author: herbert frank,
- author: krinard susan,
- author: moskowitz hannah,
- author: robinson spider,
- author: simmons dan,
- author: whitcher susan,
- awesomely bad books,
- genre: implausible plots,
- i laid an egg,
- manga: angel sanctuary
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HOOKS FOR HANDS!
I know exactly which book I'd nominate for single worst plot twist I've ever read, except I can't remember the title or author; it was a used bookstore acquisition and straight back to the used bookstore it went. But it was a typical mediocre '80s-type high fantasy, with two warring kingdoms and main characters on a quest, blah blah, that culminated in a battle in which a bunch of people died.
.... and then a unicorn came along and put its horn in the river and made it into MAGIC HEALING WATER that brought all the dead people back to life, and made everyone in both kingdoms suddenly want to stop fighting and reconcile. (I will at least say that the healing powers had been suggested earlier in the book, but ... just ... no.)
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Anyway, I think you should! I expect you'd do great with it. I think it would be difficult to do worse with it.
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I think I will put it in the back of the brain and see what happens. XD
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Do you happen to remember the title of the book(s) that have this character?
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ETA: That's supposed to be severe nerve damage, but I suppose what I wrote is technically correct.
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It doesn't get you out of doing the research, because you need to know when they're going to run into something they really can't do, but part of the research should be finding out what's noteworthy to us, and what isn't, and how very different that is to what the normies think.
It does sound that way!
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It isn't an exact match to the description, but it does have the element of several unicorns dipping their horns into a river and changing the water into healing water. Which does heal the wounded and resurrect the dead following a battle.
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p.s. added the Dick Francis book to my last Amazon order - looking forward to it! :)