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If anyone here charges to speak at colleges and so forth, can you tell me how much you charge?
Please e-mail if you prefer, at Rphoenix2@hotmail.com.
Please e-mail if you prefer, at Rphoenix2@hotmail.com.
If anyone here charges to speak at colleges and so forth, can you tell me how much you charge?
Please e-mail if you prefer, at Rphoenix2@hotmail.com.
Please e-mail if you prefer, at Rphoenix2@hotmail.com.
The trial's over. I may now discuss it. First of all, I will say that despite my bitching here, despite having to listen to three hours of eye-glazing testimony regarding VIN numbers, and despite the fact that I almost hurled my pen at several members of the jury, and I suspect that every member of the jury almost threw something at me at least once, it was an interesting and worthwhile experience, and one I'd be completely willing to do again, if circumstances made it possible.
I know that at least three people who at least occasionally read this are lawyers or law students, so I would be very interested in your input. Also, I will have some suggestions to lawyers based on what went on the jury room-- although of course some things may have been unavoidable for legal reasons I don't know about.
The charges were that the defendant operated a chop shop, which is a location where stolen vehicles are chopped up and/or pieced out, and where the identity of vehicles and/or parts are switched, falsified, obfuscated, etc. He was also charged with three counts of possession of stolen property: a Chevy Malibu, a Hyster forklift, and a scissor lift.
I should mention at this point that one of my favorite movies is Repo Man, in which a Chevy Malibu figures prominently. (It has dead glowing radioactive aliens in the trunk.) That is the only time I have previously ever come across any mention of a Chevy Malibu.
In voir dire, we were all given a list of questions and asked to inform the judge if we could answer affirmatively to any of them. Most of them were variations on "can you judge this case without prejudice," to which only one person answered no (and was promptly booted) but there were two which applied to a lot of people: Have you or a family member ever been the victim of a crime, and do you have any family members or close friends who are police. Everyone who answered yes to the police question got excused, but the crime victims mostly didn't, unless further questioning revealed that they were unhappy with the justice system's treatment of them or their family as a result.
The judge also asked what our occupations were. I said I was a freelance writer. He asked if I had ever written anything about the justice system. This threw me, as I've written a lot about a lot of things. I said as much, then added that I'd never written any non-fiction about it, nor anything that had focused on it as a subject, but that I'd written fiction about other subjects in which, say, police appeared as characters.
In addition to that, a family member of mine was murdered, and I sat in on the trial. (Guilty.) I expected the combination of that and being a writer would get me thrown off, but no! Soon we had a jury and two alternates. Demographics: three white men, one black man, four black women, one Hispanic woman, one woman who might have been white or Hispanic, four white women. One woman had to leave to go to a funeral, and was replaced by the female alternate on the second day.
The case in brief: The police made a surprise inspection of the defendant's tow lot, where they discovered a stolen Hyster forklift and a stolen scissor lift. They also discovered a wrecked '70 Chevy Malibu with no VIN (vehicle ID number), and a stolen '71 Chevy Malibu with the VIN that belonged to the wrecked one. The cars also had their bumpers (which have distinctive and different lights) switched. They were ID'd by means of confidential VINs inscribed elsewhere on the body (which the police and manufacturers know about, but no one else is supposed to know where they are.) The regular VINs are supposed to be on the windshield.
The defendant (whom, it was stipulated (ie, both lawyers agreed was true) was the business's manager) was known by two different names, the legal title to the business was in his sister's name, his wife helped with the business (and, also stipulated, bought cars with him) and had a different last name, the title to the wrecked Malibu was in her name, he had two brothers who also worked on the lot, some guy who never appeared actually owned the lot where the tow business was operating, one witness claimed that more than one business operated out of the lot, and there was no lease to the lot.
You see how this could be a little complicated. Especially since we were three days into the trial before it was revealed that "Juan Rodriguez," who was on trial, was also known as "Felipe Rodriguez," the guy who kept getting mentioned in testimony (as opposed to being Juan's brother), and that "Maria Lopez," who also kept being referred to without explanation, was Juan Rodriguez's wife. (Not their actual names, by the way.)
There may be some reason why no one explained any of this earlier, but what it actually did was raise doubts in some jurors' minds as to a whole bunch of things, and made them suspicious of totally unrelated things. I think it would have been better for the lawyers to have said who everyone was much earlier, either in opening or by asking the first witnesses.
No, I'm not telling you the verdict yet. I am building suspense.
I know that at least three people who at least occasionally read this are lawyers or law students, so I would be very interested in your input. Also, I will have some suggestions to lawyers based on what went on the jury room-- although of course some things may have been unavoidable for legal reasons I don't know about.
The charges were that the defendant operated a chop shop, which is a location where stolen vehicles are chopped up and/or pieced out, and where the identity of vehicles and/or parts are switched, falsified, obfuscated, etc. He was also charged with three counts of possession of stolen property: a Chevy Malibu, a Hyster forklift, and a scissor lift.
I should mention at this point that one of my favorite movies is Repo Man, in which a Chevy Malibu figures prominently. (It has dead glowing radioactive aliens in the trunk.) That is the only time I have previously ever come across any mention of a Chevy Malibu.
In voir dire, we were all given a list of questions and asked to inform the judge if we could answer affirmatively to any of them. Most of them were variations on "can you judge this case without prejudice," to which only one person answered no (and was promptly booted) but there were two which applied to a lot of people: Have you or a family member ever been the victim of a crime, and do you have any family members or close friends who are police. Everyone who answered yes to the police question got excused, but the crime victims mostly didn't, unless further questioning revealed that they were unhappy with the justice system's treatment of them or their family as a result.
The judge also asked what our occupations were. I said I was a freelance writer. He asked if I had ever written anything about the justice system. This threw me, as I've written a lot about a lot of things. I said as much, then added that I'd never written any non-fiction about it, nor anything that had focused on it as a subject, but that I'd written fiction about other subjects in which, say, police appeared as characters.
In addition to that, a family member of mine was murdered, and I sat in on the trial. (Guilty.) I expected the combination of that and being a writer would get me thrown off, but no! Soon we had a jury and two alternates. Demographics: three white men, one black man, four black women, one Hispanic woman, one woman who might have been white or Hispanic, four white women. One woman had to leave to go to a funeral, and was replaced by the female alternate on the second day.
The case in brief: The police made a surprise inspection of the defendant's tow lot, where they discovered a stolen Hyster forklift and a stolen scissor lift. They also discovered a wrecked '70 Chevy Malibu with no VIN (vehicle ID number), and a stolen '71 Chevy Malibu with the VIN that belonged to the wrecked one. The cars also had their bumpers (which have distinctive and different lights) switched. They were ID'd by means of confidential VINs inscribed elsewhere on the body (which the police and manufacturers know about, but no one else is supposed to know where they are.) The regular VINs are supposed to be on the windshield.
The defendant (whom, it was stipulated (ie, both lawyers agreed was true) was the business's manager) was known by two different names, the legal title to the business was in his sister's name, his wife helped with the business (and, also stipulated, bought cars with him) and had a different last name, the title to the wrecked Malibu was in her name, he had two brothers who also worked on the lot, some guy who never appeared actually owned the lot where the tow business was operating, one witness claimed that more than one business operated out of the lot, and there was no lease to the lot.
You see how this could be a little complicated. Especially since we were three days into the trial before it was revealed that "Juan Rodriguez," who was on trial, was also known as "Felipe Rodriguez," the guy who kept getting mentioned in testimony (as opposed to being Juan's brother), and that "Maria Lopez," who also kept being referred to without explanation, was Juan Rodriguez's wife. (Not their actual names, by the way.)
There may be some reason why no one explained any of this earlier, but what it actually did was raise doubts in some jurors' minds as to a whole bunch of things, and made them suspicious of totally unrelated things. I think it would have been better for the lawyers to have said who everyone was much earlier, either in opening or by asking the first witnesses.
No, I'm not telling you the verdict yet. I am building suspense.
The trial's over. I may now discuss it. First of all, I will say that despite my bitching here, despite having to listen to three hours of eye-glazing testimony regarding VIN numbers, and despite the fact that I almost hurled my pen at several members of the jury, and I suspect that every member of the jury almost threw something at me at least once, it was an interesting and worthwhile experience, and one I'd be completely willing to do again, if circumstances made it possible.
I know that at least three people who at least occasionally read this are lawyers or law students, so I would be very interested in your input. Also, I will have some suggestions to lawyers based on what went on the jury room-- although of course some things may have been unavoidable for legal reasons I don't know about.
The charges were that the defendant operated a chop shop, which is a location where stolen vehicles are chopped up and/or pieced out, and where the identity of vehicles and/or parts are switched, falsified, obfuscated, etc. He was also charged with three counts of possession of stolen property: a Chevy Malibu, a Hyster forklift, and a scissor lift.
I should mention at this point that one of my favorite movies is Repo Man, in which a Chevy Malibu figures prominently. (It has dead glowing radioactive aliens in the trunk.) That is the only time I have previously ever come across any mention of a Chevy Malibu.
In voir dire, we were all given a list of questions and asked to inform the judge if we could answer affirmatively to any of them. Most of them were variations on "can you judge this case without prejudice," to which only one person answered no (and was promptly booted) but there were two which applied to a lot of people: Have you or a family member ever been the victim of a crime, and do you have any family members or close friends who are police. Everyone who answered yes to the police question got excused, but the crime victims mostly didn't, unless further questioning revealed that they were unhappy with the justice system's treatment of them or their family as a result.
The judge also asked what our occupations were. I said I was a freelance writer. He asked if I had ever written anything about the justice system. This threw me, as I've written a lot about a lot of things. I said as much, then added that I'd never written any non-fiction about it, nor anything that had focused on it as a subject, but that I'd written fiction about other subjects in which, say, police appeared as characters.
In addition to that, a family member of mine was murdered, and I sat in on the trial. (Guilty.) I expected the combination of that and being a writer would get me thrown off, but no! Soon we had a jury and two alternates. Demographics: three white men, one black man, four black women, one Hispanic woman, one woman who might have been white or Hispanic, four white women. One woman had to leave to go to a funeral, and was replaced by the female alternate on the second day.
The case in brief: The police made a surprise inspection of the defendant's tow lot, where they discovered a stolen Hyster forklift and a stolen scissor lift. They also discovered a wrecked '70 Chevy Malibu with no VIN (vehicle ID number), and a stolen '71 Chevy Malibu with the VIN that belonged to the wrecked one. The cars also had their bumpers (which have distinctive and different lights) switched. They were ID'd by means of confidential VINs inscribed elsewhere on the body (which the police and manufacturers know about, but no one else is supposed to know where they are.) The regular VINs are supposed to be on the windshield.
The defendant (whom, it was stipulated (ie, both lawyers agreed was true) was the business's manager) was known by two different names, the legal title to the business was in his sister's name, his wife helped with the business (and, also stipulated, bought cars with him) and had a different last name, the title to the wrecked Malibu was in her name, he had two brothers who also worked on the lot, some guy who never appeared actually owned the lot where the tow business was operating, one witness claimed that more than one business operated out of the lot, and there was no lease to the lot.
You see how this could be a little complicated. Especially since we were three days into the trial before it was revealed that "Juan Rodriguez," who was on trial, was also known as "Felipe Rodriguez," the guy who kept getting mentioned in testimony (as opposed to being Juan's brother), and that "Maria Lopez," who also kept being referred to without explanation, was Juan Rodriguez's wife. (Not their actual names, by the way.)
There may be some reason why no one explained any of this earlier, but what it actually did was raise doubts in some jurors' minds as to a whole bunch of things, and made them suspicious of totally unrelated things. I think it would have been better for the lawyers to have said who everyone was much earlier, either in opening or by asking the first witnesses.
No, I'm not telling you the verdict yet. I am building suspense.
I know that at least three people who at least occasionally read this are lawyers or law students, so I would be very interested in your input. Also, I will have some suggestions to lawyers based on what went on the jury room-- although of course some things may have been unavoidable for legal reasons I don't know about.
The charges were that the defendant operated a chop shop, which is a location where stolen vehicles are chopped up and/or pieced out, and where the identity of vehicles and/or parts are switched, falsified, obfuscated, etc. He was also charged with three counts of possession of stolen property: a Chevy Malibu, a Hyster forklift, and a scissor lift.
I should mention at this point that one of my favorite movies is Repo Man, in which a Chevy Malibu figures prominently. (It has dead glowing radioactive aliens in the trunk.) That is the only time I have previously ever come across any mention of a Chevy Malibu.
In voir dire, we were all given a list of questions and asked to inform the judge if we could answer affirmatively to any of them. Most of them were variations on "can you judge this case without prejudice," to which only one person answered no (and was promptly booted) but there were two which applied to a lot of people: Have you or a family member ever been the victim of a crime, and do you have any family members or close friends who are police. Everyone who answered yes to the police question got excused, but the crime victims mostly didn't, unless further questioning revealed that they were unhappy with the justice system's treatment of them or their family as a result.
The judge also asked what our occupations were. I said I was a freelance writer. He asked if I had ever written anything about the justice system. This threw me, as I've written a lot about a lot of things. I said as much, then added that I'd never written any non-fiction about it, nor anything that had focused on it as a subject, but that I'd written fiction about other subjects in which, say, police appeared as characters.
In addition to that, a family member of mine was murdered, and I sat in on the trial. (Guilty.) I expected the combination of that and being a writer would get me thrown off, but no! Soon we had a jury and two alternates. Demographics: three white men, one black man, four black women, one Hispanic woman, one woman who might have been white or Hispanic, four white women. One woman had to leave to go to a funeral, and was replaced by the female alternate on the second day.
The case in brief: The police made a surprise inspection of the defendant's tow lot, where they discovered a stolen Hyster forklift and a stolen scissor lift. They also discovered a wrecked '70 Chevy Malibu with no VIN (vehicle ID number), and a stolen '71 Chevy Malibu with the VIN that belonged to the wrecked one. The cars also had their bumpers (which have distinctive and different lights) switched. They were ID'd by means of confidential VINs inscribed elsewhere on the body (which the police and manufacturers know about, but no one else is supposed to know where they are.) The regular VINs are supposed to be on the windshield.
The defendant (whom, it was stipulated (ie, both lawyers agreed was true) was the business's manager) was known by two different names, the legal title to the business was in his sister's name, his wife helped with the business (and, also stipulated, bought cars with him) and had a different last name, the title to the wrecked Malibu was in her name, he had two brothers who also worked on the lot, some guy who never appeared actually owned the lot where the tow business was operating, one witness claimed that more than one business operated out of the lot, and there was no lease to the lot.
You see how this could be a little complicated. Especially since we were three days into the trial before it was revealed that "Juan Rodriguez," who was on trial, was also known as "Felipe Rodriguez," the guy who kept getting mentioned in testimony (as opposed to being Juan's brother), and that "Maria Lopez," who also kept being referred to without explanation, was Juan Rodriguez's wife. (Not their actual names, by the way.)
There may be some reason why no one explained any of this earlier, but what it actually did was raise doubts in some jurors' minds as to a whole bunch of things, and made them suspicious of totally unrelated things. I think it would have been better for the lawyers to have said who everyone was much earlier, either in opening or by asking the first witnesses.
No, I'm not telling you the verdict yet. I am building suspense.
I'm describing my fandoms as relationships; guess which is which. To make it trickier, these are not all listed on my user info, and are not all the same type of media.
1. Where do I even start with you? Like a couple people here I ended up loving, you really turned me off at first, and I only persisted because of friends' insistance-- and I was bored and lonely at the time, to be honest. I don't love you in quite the same way that a lot of people do, and there's aspects of you that still drive me crazy. But you were there when I really needed you, and I'll always be grateful for that.
2. You are such a love-hate relationship. Your politics drive me mad, and if you must know, that's why I don't often introduce you to my friends. When we first met, you were so exciting, but our relationship just seemed to stall later on. The things that bugged me hadn't changed, and the things that I loved weren't there a lot of the time. Lately it seemed like some of the fire was back... but then it fizzled out again. I never completely trusted you, but now it seems clear that you are nothing but a great big tease.
3. I always said that I would never fall in love with anyone unless there was at least a little bit of sexual chemistry first. What I heard about you didn't make you seem like my kind of guy, and meeting you didn't set my heart racing. But someone I really trust told me to give you another chance, and even though you still didn't impress me much when I did, I hung around for her sake. What do you know, she was right: You have flaws (which she never denied) but you've got depth and charm too, and you seem to be working on some of your flaws. The sex is amazing, and I have to confess, I think about you all the time.
4. You were one of my first, and a true friend and shoulder to lean on when I needed one. You told me that I wasn't alone, and I really needed that. But I grew up, and you stayed the same, and I just can't connect with you any more. Your kid brother, though: he's all grown up now, and he's got everything I loved about you, but is much more in tune with my current style. A shame about his last appearance-- was he on drugs? Or just lost without his regular squeeze? Well, we won't talk about that. I'm hoping he'll go into rehab before I see him again.
5. I thought you were just a kid when we first met: cute, but totally not my type. But a friend insisted that we hang out a bit, and I realized that you'd grown up since I first checked you out. And you just kept getting cooler and cooler, and you ended up breaking my heart in the best possible way. People still give me funny looks some times when I tell them you and I are in a serious relationship, but I really don't care. I will never be ashamed of loving you.
6. You're my latest crush. Everything about you is bright and new and fun. I'm a little scared it won't last, but for now I'm just enjoying the ride. You really make me happy, and I'm so glad my friends like you too.
7. Me and my best friend met you on the very same day, and luckily, you didn't mind being shared. You were different from anyone we'd ever known, and you matched our interests like you'd been made for us. We had a long happy time together, the three of us, and the drifting apart was so gradual it hardly even hurt. I lost touch completely after a while, and I hear that you really went off the rails toward the end. Now lots of people have imitated you, but you were the first, and I keep thinking of looking you up again.
8. You led me on, back when I was just starting to meet people like you, and things were pretty cool, and then I walked into my kitchen one night and you were naked and gibbering and a loaf of bread was... no, I can't stand to think about it. It's too awful. I called the cops, and they took you away in a straight jacket. I guess it wasn't your fault, but it was a horrible shock, and I've never been able to look at you the same way since. Some people say you got better, but others say you got a better wardrobe but you're still just as crazy under the expensive suit. So far, I haven't had the nerve to check.
1. Where do I even start with you? Like a couple people here I ended up loving, you really turned me off at first, and I only persisted because of friends' insistance-- and I was bored and lonely at the time, to be honest. I don't love you in quite the same way that a lot of people do, and there's aspects of you that still drive me crazy. But you were there when I really needed you, and I'll always be grateful for that.
2. You are such a love-hate relationship. Your politics drive me mad, and if you must know, that's why I don't often introduce you to my friends. When we first met, you were so exciting, but our relationship just seemed to stall later on. The things that bugged me hadn't changed, and the things that I loved weren't there a lot of the time. Lately it seemed like some of the fire was back... but then it fizzled out again. I never completely trusted you, but now it seems clear that you are nothing but a great big tease.
3. I always said that I would never fall in love with anyone unless there was at least a little bit of sexual chemistry first. What I heard about you didn't make you seem like my kind of guy, and meeting you didn't set my heart racing. But someone I really trust told me to give you another chance, and even though you still didn't impress me much when I did, I hung around for her sake. What do you know, she was right: You have flaws (which she never denied) but you've got depth and charm too, and you seem to be working on some of your flaws. The sex is amazing, and I have to confess, I think about you all the time.
4. You were one of my first, and a true friend and shoulder to lean on when I needed one. You told me that I wasn't alone, and I really needed that. But I grew up, and you stayed the same, and I just can't connect with you any more. Your kid brother, though: he's all grown up now, and he's got everything I loved about you, but is much more in tune with my current style. A shame about his last appearance-- was he on drugs? Or just lost without his regular squeeze? Well, we won't talk about that. I'm hoping he'll go into rehab before I see him again.
5. I thought you were just a kid when we first met: cute, but totally not my type. But a friend insisted that we hang out a bit, and I realized that you'd grown up since I first checked you out. And you just kept getting cooler and cooler, and you ended up breaking my heart in the best possible way. People still give me funny looks some times when I tell them you and I are in a serious relationship, but I really don't care. I will never be ashamed of loving you.
6. You're my latest crush. Everything about you is bright and new and fun. I'm a little scared it won't last, but for now I'm just enjoying the ride. You really make me happy, and I'm so glad my friends like you too.
7. Me and my best friend met you on the very same day, and luckily, you didn't mind being shared. You were different from anyone we'd ever known, and you matched our interests like you'd been made for us. We had a long happy time together, the three of us, and the drifting apart was so gradual it hardly even hurt. I lost touch completely after a while, and I hear that you really went off the rails toward the end. Now lots of people have imitated you, but you were the first, and I keep thinking of looking you up again.
8. You led me on, back when I was just starting to meet people like you, and things were pretty cool, and then I walked into my kitchen one night and you were naked and gibbering and a loaf of bread was... no, I can't stand to think about it. It's too awful. I called the cops, and they took you away in a straight jacket. I guess it wasn't your fault, but it was a horrible shock, and I've never been able to look at you the same way since. Some people say you got better, but others say you got a better wardrobe but you're still just as crazy under the expensive suit. So far, I haven't had the nerve to check.
Tags:
I'm describing my fandoms as relationships; guess which is which. To make it trickier, these are not all listed on my user info, and are not all the same type of media.
1. Where do I even start with you? Like a couple people here I ended up loving, you really turned me off at first, and I only persisted because of friends' insistance-- and I was bored and lonely at the time, to be honest. I don't love you in quite the same way that a lot of people do, and there's aspects of you that still drive me crazy. But you were there when I really needed you, and I'll always be grateful for that.
2. You are such a love-hate relationship. Your politics drive me mad, and if you must know, that's why I don't often introduce you to my friends. When we first met, you were so exciting, but our relationship just seemed to stall later on. The things that bugged me hadn't changed, and the things that I loved weren't there a lot of the time. Lately it seemed like some of the fire was back... but then it fizzled out again. I never completely trusted you, but now it seems clear that you are nothing but a great big tease.
3. I always said that I would never fall in love with anyone unless there was at least a little bit of sexual chemistry first. What I heard about you didn't make you seem like my kind of guy, and meeting you didn't set my heart racing. But someone I really trust told me to give you another chance, and even though you still didn't impress me much when I did, I hung around for her sake. What do you know, she was right: You have flaws (which she never denied) but you've got depth and charm too, and you seem to be working on some of your flaws. The sex is amazing, and I have to confess, I think about you all the time.
4. You were one of my first, and a true friend and shoulder to lean on when I needed one. You told me that I wasn't alone, and I really needed that. But I grew up, and you stayed the same, and I just can't connect with you any more. Your kid brother, though: he's all grown up now, and he's got everything I loved about you, but is much more in tune with my current style. A shame about his last appearance-- was he on drugs? Or just lost without his regular squeeze? Well, we won't talk about that. I'm hoping he'll go into rehab before I see him again.
5. I thought you were just a kid when we first met: cute, but totally not my type. But a friend insisted that we hang out a bit, and I realized that you'd grown up since I first checked you out. And you just kept getting cooler and cooler, and you ended up breaking my heart in the best possible way. People still give me funny looks some times when I tell them you and I are in a serious relationship, but I really don't care. I will never be ashamed of loving you.
6. You're my latest crush. Everything about you is bright and new and fun. I'm a little scared it won't last, but for now I'm just enjoying the ride. You really make me happy, and I'm so glad my friends like you too.
7. Me and my best friend met you on the very same day, and luckily, you didn't mind being shared. You were different from anyone we'd ever known, and you matched our interests like you'd been made for us. We had a long happy time together, the three of us, and the drifting apart was so gradual it hardly even hurt. I lost touch completely after a while, and I hear that you really went off the rails toward the end. Now lots of people have imitated you, but you were the first, and I keep thinking of looking you up again.
8. You led me on, back when I was just starting to meet people like you, and things were pretty cool, and then I walked into my kitchen one night and you were naked and gibbering and a loaf of bread was... no, I can't stand to think about it. It's too awful. I called the cops, and they took you away in a straight jacket. I guess it wasn't your fault, but it was a horrible shock, and I've never been able to look at you the same way since. Some people say you got better, but others say you got a better wardrobe but you're still just as crazy under the expensive suit. So far, I haven't had the nerve to check.
1. Where do I even start with you? Like a couple people here I ended up loving, you really turned me off at first, and I only persisted because of friends' insistance-- and I was bored and lonely at the time, to be honest. I don't love you in quite the same way that a lot of people do, and there's aspects of you that still drive me crazy. But you were there when I really needed you, and I'll always be grateful for that.
2. You are such a love-hate relationship. Your politics drive me mad, and if you must know, that's why I don't often introduce you to my friends. When we first met, you were so exciting, but our relationship just seemed to stall later on. The things that bugged me hadn't changed, and the things that I loved weren't there a lot of the time. Lately it seemed like some of the fire was back... but then it fizzled out again. I never completely trusted you, but now it seems clear that you are nothing but a great big tease.
3. I always said that I would never fall in love with anyone unless there was at least a little bit of sexual chemistry first. What I heard about you didn't make you seem like my kind of guy, and meeting you didn't set my heart racing. But someone I really trust told me to give you another chance, and even though you still didn't impress me much when I did, I hung around for her sake. What do you know, she was right: You have flaws (which she never denied) but you've got depth and charm too, and you seem to be working on some of your flaws. The sex is amazing, and I have to confess, I think about you all the time.
4. You were one of my first, and a true friend and shoulder to lean on when I needed one. You told me that I wasn't alone, and I really needed that. But I grew up, and you stayed the same, and I just can't connect with you any more. Your kid brother, though: he's all grown up now, and he's got everything I loved about you, but is much more in tune with my current style. A shame about his last appearance-- was he on drugs? Or just lost without his regular squeeze? Well, we won't talk about that. I'm hoping he'll go into rehab before I see him again.
5. I thought you were just a kid when we first met: cute, but totally not my type. But a friend insisted that we hang out a bit, and I realized that you'd grown up since I first checked you out. And you just kept getting cooler and cooler, and you ended up breaking my heart in the best possible way. People still give me funny looks some times when I tell them you and I are in a serious relationship, but I really don't care. I will never be ashamed of loving you.
6. You're my latest crush. Everything about you is bright and new and fun. I'm a little scared it won't last, but for now I'm just enjoying the ride. You really make me happy, and I'm so glad my friends like you too.
7. Me and my best friend met you on the very same day, and luckily, you didn't mind being shared. You were different from anyone we'd ever known, and you matched our interests like you'd been made for us. We had a long happy time together, the three of us, and the drifting apart was so gradual it hardly even hurt. I lost touch completely after a while, and I hear that you really went off the rails toward the end. Now lots of people have imitated you, but you were the first, and I keep thinking of looking you up again.
8. You led me on, back when I was just starting to meet people like you, and things were pretty cool, and then I walked into my kitchen one night and you were naked and gibbering and a loaf of bread was... no, I can't stand to think about it. It's too awful. I called the cops, and they took you away in a straight jacket. I guess it wasn't your fault, but it was a horrible shock, and I've never been able to look at you the same way since. Some people say you got better, but others say you got a better wardrobe but you're still just as crazy under the expensive suit. So far, I haven't had the nerve to check.
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