AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

I am posting here because my stupid smoke detector battery ran down, and it is emitting 200-decibel chirps, which woke me up at 4:45 AM. Only the landlord can a) reach it, b) has the batteries. He is, of course, not awake yet. It is excruciating even with earplugs.

Guess who has, not one, but two (2) important meetings today?

I think the local cafe opens at 7:00 AM. Two more hours of this!

ETA: It has now stopped. After I brewed and drank a pot of coffee. Goddammit.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

I am posting here because my stupid smoke detector battery ran down, and it is emitting 200-decibel chirps, which woke me up at 4:45 AM. Only the landlord can a) reach it, b) has the batteries. He is, of course, not awake yet. It is excruciating even with earplugs.

Guess who has, not one, but two (2) important meetings today?

I think the local cafe opens at 7:00 AM. Two more hours of this!

ETA: It has now stopped. After I brewed and drank a pot of coffee. Goddammit.

Son of Awesomely Bad Books

See post below for context, ie, if you guys don't entertain me, I can't guarantee I won't flee into the cold night in my jammies.

Last week lady_ganesh asked me to name and briefly describe the five worst books I'd ever read. I replied:

Oh God, SO MANY! How to choose?!

1. Robin Hobb's Forest Mage. Almost 700 pages worth of people abusing the hero for being fat. About every 150 pages some plot peeks in, gets abused for being fat, and flees in terror.

2. Spider Robinson's Star Seed. Deus ex machina via enlightenment, space hippies, Chinese people as the symbol of evil-- and it's even worse than I'm making it sound!

3. Jack C. Chalker's "Changewinds" trilogy. Stupid ungrammatical self-conscious creepy misogynist sex fantasy. Women are magically transformed into sex objects and love it. Other women are transformed into fat baby machines as punishment. A woman climbs naked through the sand wearing nothing but a diamond-studded holster and a six-gun, thinking "This is ridiculous... and yet, damned sexy!"

4. Terry Goodkind's stupid books. Unsexy S&M, terrible writing, clonk-you-over-the-head libertarianism, and the heroine is terrorized by an evil chicken.

5. Whichever was the last Xanth book I read. Lame puns and a leering preoccupation with the panties of little girls. EW.

Also books by Leo Frankowsky and S. M. Stirling -- misogynist tirades and violence-porn, respectively -- but I didn't read enough of those to really be able to put them on the worst list, though I feel that they belong there.

God, I'm sure I've traumatically repressed many, many more. You should also click my "awesomely bad books" tag.

Gentle readers, please name and describe the five worst books you have ever read.

The World Exists For Me # 1, by Chiho Saitou and Be-PaPas

From the creator of the surprisingly undistinguished manga which inspired the brilliant anime Revolutionary Girl Utena comes this strikingly incoherent manga.

Opening narration: Once upon a time, the source of the devil R's invincible powers was The Book of S&M. But one day a young man stole the book without knowing what it was, cut it into strips, and used it to create a girl doll named S and a boy doll named M out of papier-mache. With that act, the unimaginable power that the devil held from the book was divided between the two dolls!

Cut to Sekai, a Japanese schoolgirl, confessing her love to her classmate Midou. Her turns her down. The train crashes, and Sekai falls through time and space, and lands on a creepy boy, Sovieul, who looks about six years old but proclaims that she is his bride. And that they're now in 17th century France. And her soul is bound to a doll he has, because they both have jewels glued to their chests. She tries to take a photo, and is attacked by a mob who think she's a witch. Creepy Boy protects her, she runs, and a guy who looks just like a more swashbuckling Mudou appears and proclaims that she is his bride. He goes away and Creepy Boy returns and explains that the doll, S, gives him the power to travel through space and time.

Then they get arrested. Then there's random court intrigue. Then they're in court and she's sentenced to death. Not!Midou appears, identified by Creepy Boy as Machiavello. They squabble over some incomprehensible backstory. Machiavello also has a gem in his chest! He disappears and Sekai is tied to a stake to be burned. Creepy Boy offers to duel for her. Aramis appears and takes him up on it. This is Aramis:

Look at his rose-like face. Aramis castrated himself as a youth when he vowed to join the church.

Machiavello appears and demands her body. There's something about Louis XIV and poison. Sekai falls through time. Machiavello gets stabbed and dies. Then he's OK again. Some of that was probably a vision, I'm not sure whose. Something explodes. Creepy Boy wins the duel with Eunuch Musketeer. More intrigue with poisoned wine. Creepy Boy and Sekai ride off together in a cart.

That, my friends, is the end of Part I! In Part II, the second half of this slim manga volume, there are random sheep, Joan of Arc, Gilles de Rais, and much, much, much more random appearing and disappearing.

Has anyone read more of this? Does it ever make more sense? Does it ever make less?

Desperately seeking sex reference photos

I need photo reference of something resembling the following:

The woman is naked, standing with her back against the wall and her hands on the man's shoulders; he's kneeling to go down on her. His face blocks her genitalia.

Does anyone have anything like that, downloaded (that you could mail me) or linked online? I need it for my doujinshi.

Comments are screened on the off chance that anyone reading this LJ would be embarassed to publicly confess to having porn.

Desperately seeking sex reference photos

I need photo reference of something resembling the following:

The woman is naked, standing with her back against the wall and her hands on the man's shoulders; he's kneeling to go down on her. His face blocks her genitalia.

Does anyone have anything like that, downloaded (that you could mail me) or linked online? I need it for my doujinshi.

Comments are screened on the off chance that anyone reading this LJ would be embarassed to publicly confess to having porn.