Life on crutches

[rachelmanija]

Walking with armpit crutches is exhausting. Though on the plus side, my worry that my overall level of fitness would go to hell due to lack of exercises was hilariously wrongheaded - if anything, I am liable to get much stronger by the time this is done (and/or some added overuse injuries.

I went to see Captain Marvel yesterday with hederahelix at Mann's Chinese, which involved plowing through a gigantic crowd of oblivious tourists, people attending a street fair I hadn't known was happening, hucksters in costumes or with an albino boa, and aggressive Jesus freaks holding HELL IS HOT and YOU WILL BURN signs and carrying crosses (easily carried ones, not actually crucifixion size or weight - missing the point, Jesus freaks!). I kept having to stop and rest, and by the time I got to tickets I was literally dripping with sweat.

That was when I discovered that Captain Marvel was no longer in the IMAX theatre I'd gone all the way to Hollywood and braved the skeevy madness of the Walk of Fame for, but was in 3D. I can't visually process 3D and it makes all scenes using it visually incomprehensible to me. So I had to go all the way back, through the oblivious tourists and the hucksters and the super lightweight cross-bearers, and then to another theatre. On the way a huckster dressed as Pennywise startled a group of tourists, one of whom collided with me and nearly knocked me down.

This was all additionally complicated by the fact that hederahelix was driving us in her car (in retrospect she should have just driven mine as I realized this exact second, oh well) which had two broken door locks so both driver and passenger doors cannot be opened from the inside.

(The movie was no Black Panther, but it was very fun. Loved the Carol & Fury & Goose show.)

Then I got home and found that my homemade bread had gone moldy. I consoled myself by getting the cats high and getting hederahelix to photograph my foot so I could cadge some sympathy.

This morning I went to the farmers market, but was so exhausted by the time I got there (and also concerned about shoulder/wrist overuse injuries) that I bought some berries, carrots, and oranges and called it a day. Then I realized that I had to walk all the way back, but now with a weight. I was debating asking some random shopper for a ride to my car when a helpful homeless guy who I'd earlier given some money spotted me and carried my backpack to my car for me.

I got there and back by taking off my boot, driving with my left foot, then putting the boot back on. Unfortunately, when I tried to get over a curb, I tripped, went sprawling, and landed directly on my broken foot. So I may have some additional degrees of dislocation now. ARRRRGH!

Also some of the berries got squashed. I decided I had better eat those immediately, before they went bad, and polish off most of the raspberries as well in case they had hidden crush injuries. However, I bought three boxes, so I have plenty left.

Cats are very put out that I am no longer walking around the house cradling them in my arms like a baby (Erin) or letting them leap on to my shoulders from a standing position (Alex). They are consoling themselves by taking up permanent residence in my lap.

But here's the most interesting thing I've learned. Having a very visible and presumed-temporary disability, at least for me and so far, makes people be extra-nice. Strangers are helpful or offer stories about their own broken bones. If I decline help with thanks, they don't have a problem with that. Not a single one of the MANY people to whom I have now told the story of how I broke my foot has blamed me, even though insofar as there is any blame to be placed, this was 100% my fault.

Having an invisible disability, again at least for me, mostly made people be absolute assholes, openly disbelieve me, and tell me to my face that it's all my fault. If I declined help with thanks, they often got angry with me and then blamed me some more.

Having a visible disability of the sort I currently have is no picnic (fucking curbs, I hate them), and I'm sure the fact that mine signals "temporary" makes a big difference. All the same, all else being equal, if I had to pick a permanent one, I'd take visible over invisible every time.

Comments

[landofnowhere]

Walking with armpit crutches is exhausting. Though on the plus side, my worry that my overall level of fitness would go to hell due to lack of exercises was hilariously wrongheaded - if anything, I am liable to get much stronger by the time this is done (and/or some added overuse injuries.)

Word. I generally have pretty poor upper body strength, but the only time I've ever developed visible bicep muscles was after breaking my legs and being on crutches for a couple months as a teenager.

Sympathy both for your current discomfort and for the past abuse you've received.

[swan_tower]

Owwwwwwwww landing on broken foot nononono ouch. I'm so sorry.

I was going to respond to you in the other thread by saying that yeah, crutches are a workout all on their own. Once you get used to them they're really not that bad; my mother and I went on a road trip toward the end of my own stint, and I went happily crutching a quarter mile across the desert to a lookout point and back again without any misgivings whatsoever. Though admittedly I was also nine at the time and weighed about twenty pounds soaking wet. But it does take some time to build up that strength.

[sheron]

*all my sympathies*

You are incredibly mobile for someone with a broken foot! I gotta say, the time I twisted my ankle, I did a few trips from my room to the kitchen and then pretty much tried to move as little as possible because it was just so much easier than hopping around with a crutch.

[rachelmanija]

Possibly I have more ambition than sense, which is also how I acquired the injury.

I have now discovered that I can scoot my office chair everywhere but my bedroom, which is carpeted, BUT I can scoot it to my bedroom, then hop to my bed. My bed is big enough that I can mostly get around the bedroom without requiring crutches. I may mostly dispense with the crutches in the house as the chair works so much better and leaves my hands free.

[sheron]

Rolling chairs are amazing for this sort of thing!

[kore]

Yeah, when I sprained my ankle I spent most of my time in bed, and then furniture-hung my way to either the sofa or the rolling chair. I gave up on the crutches pronto because (I now know) they were really wrongly sized and the RSI in my hands, elbows and shoulder made them impossible.

[princessofgeeks]

I'm so sorry about your foot but I'm glad you eventually got to see the movie.

[alias_sqbr]

Having experienced invisible disability and the visibly-not-temporary sort, I feel like it's six of one and haf a dozen of the other. Either way it's a lot of assholes, being disbelieved and told it's your fault, that you should be grateful for actively harmful "help" etc(*). With the invisible sort there's more disbelief that you really have these limitations and needs, but with the visible sort you're treated less like a person and more like some sort of inconvenient pity object. If I can, I like to meet new (able bodied) people without my wheelchair so that they form an impression of me as an actual human being.

(*)I used to think this was an invisible disability thing (even in my wheelchair I don't "look sick") but have since heard all sorts of horror stories from people with like...blindness or missing limbs or whatever. I think having an invisible disability makes this aspect worse in many ways, but the significant factor is definitely being disabled at all, rather than being seen as a Normal person dealing with a temporary setback.

Also it depends on social attitude to the specific disability. My partner has fibromyalgia, ptsd, and cancer, all of which are invisible and cause major problems, but the levels of sympathy vary dramatically. And they still get told the (genetic!) cancer would be cured by a good attitude.

[rachelmanija]

People can be so awful.

I will be very curious to see if people's attitudes change when I get forearm crutches, which in the US are pretty much exclusively used by people with permanent disabilities. Though it may not really work as a sort of experimental control as I will no doubt still have my foot encased in something, which signals "temporary."

[alias_sqbr]

Now I'm wondering if I'd get treated better if I got a fake leg brace haha. Sadly people would ask for details and I am not much of a liar.

[rachelmanija]

Do it FOR SCIENCE! Lots of good stories in comments here. ;)

[alias_sqbr]

heh, true. I could choose one at random every time.

[davidgillon]

I definitely advocate forearm crutches as easier to use all round. My experience during the decade I was using them daily is that I didn't get much in the way of openly negative behaviour (about one incident a year of heckling from strangers on the street, and one deliberate attempt to knock me over - don't hit the guy with the four foot club who saw you coming), but did have more problems with people who insisted on opening doors and standing in the ways, including ones who would not listen, even when told repeatedly. Attitudes to the chronic pain, the reason I was using the crutches, were less common, but significantly more negative.

Since I've been using the chair, I find the intrusive helpers who don't ask are both more intrusive a problem, and more likely to resort to abuse. Two friends have had expensive chairs destroyed by people not asking how to help, or whether help is even needed.

[naomikritzer]

My sister was in a halo brace for three months after a very bad car accident in which she broke her neck in two places. (She did not damage the nerves, so she's not paralyzed, but her neck had to be completely immobilized while the bones healed.)

The thing that annoyed her the most in terms of human interactions were the Jesus-peddlers who figured that this was a good time to try to sell her on Jesus. And the most-annoying variant of THOSE were the people like the guy who wanted to tell her about his own car accident, which happened while he was blackout drunk (Abi was stone cold sober) and who walked away with barely a scratch (Abi broke her neck in two places and also badly broke her her arm and also broke her wrist) "because JESUS was WITH ME in that truck!"

The thing she LIKED were the people who wanted to tell her about their personal experiences with being in a halo brace, years earlier. The absolute best one of those was the woman who was an actual circus trapeze artist who had broken her neck at work, who Abi randomly wound up sitting next to at a play.

[nenya_kanadka]

No words but a lot of GRRRrrrr for Blackout Drunk Jesus Guy, omg.

Trapeze artist sounds amazing. <3

[davidgillon]

My answer to the Jesus-peddler who stopped me with the chair halfway down a kerb - seriously!? - was "God made us in his own image, yes? Well here I am". He really didn't know how to process someone pointing out disability is normal, not something that needs to be fixed.

[rachelmanija]

What a great response.

[davidgillon]

Admittedly it was pre-planned, but I like to think I made him realise disability isn't a prop for his beliefs.

[cadenzamuse]

Standing ovation.

[sylvaine]

I think it also depends on what your visible disability looks like. Wheelchairs make people think you can just be shoved around; the most common comment I get on my cane is "omg where did you get that maybe I can finally convince $elderly_relative to start using a cane if I gift them a pretty one".

[alias_sqbr]

Agreed in principle, though I have a powerchair so anyone who tries to move it without my agreement is in for a surprise :D

[mrissa]

I'm so glad for you! I've discovered that the aggressively institutional canes get me put in "pity object" category, but the pretty ones definitely get me the "you're totally faking that, you asshole" treatment.

Wheeeee.

[rachelmanija]

ARRRGH!

At the moment I think I'd prefer pity object to "you're faking it," but that's very possibly because I've experienced the latter but not the former.

[sylvaine]

UGH, of course! >_< I wonder if that's a question of general cultural mores, too - I've had people assume it's a fashion statement, but not aggressively so.

[minoanmiss]

Adventures in living. Meep.

*sends you strength*

[thawrecka]

All the crowds you had to push through on the way to see a movie sound like something out of a comedy film! It sounds very annoying.

[wpadmirer]

I completely get why you would do that. But it's a shame that you feel that way. People are idiots.

[yhlee]

You have my sympathies, Rachel; I was on armpit crutches for a while a couple years back when I sprained an ankle very badly, and hahahahaha I got so much exercise just trying to walk to the library from the car.

[vicki_rae]

All the sympathies, hopefully getting around will get easier and you'll feel better.

When I broke my foot the crutches lasted about five minutes, could not manage them at all, serious fall risk.

I used either a cane or a knee walker (fantastic and totally would recommend) but I was in a cast so maybe that would make a difference?

[viridian5]

I'm so glad you're being treated well, because my experience on crutches in Pittsburgh, PA in the mid '90s was very different. Strangers didn't even want to look at me. People smoking outdoors while I was struggling to open a door were quite content to leave me to it; delivery people were the only ones willing to help me out there. Employees at my school or at stores were about the only source of any kindness and help who weren't already my friends.

[rachelmanija]

Oh, man, that sucks. I was actually expecting something like that because my previous disability experiences were godawful, but at least for me, "visible and presumed-temporary" makes a huge difference. I still can't get over how it's both the first time nobody's told me it was my fault when it's also the first time it really was my fault!

[scioscribe]

Crutches sound like a huge hassle and you have all my sympathies! I'm very glad it at least has some relative upsides compared to more awful things--and glad you were still able to get to the movie. (Alex and Erin could totally break into show business and play future Flerkens.)

[telophase]

I remember being in a hard shoe for a broken toe when I went to Worldcon in Chicago, and hobbling slowly through the revolving door of the hotel when some oblivious asshole who didn't care for how slow I was going pushed the door much faster, causing me to hurt my foot. And I didn't have the wherewithal to say anything to him, so I've just stewed about it for 20 years.

Toby and I are also considering getting a cane for me to travel with to signal I HAVE FOOT PROBLEMS so we can us elevators and escalators without getting tutted at for not using stairs in various countries, because nobody can see the arthritis I have in my feet and knees that make stairs not fun. We ended up using the exceptionally-tall stairs at the Colosseum because the elevators had big signs saying they were only for those with disabilities and I didn't really want to argue with the attendant that no, I really do have a need for the elevator.

[monanotlisa]

Aw, I like that there are upsides at this point!

I will say that Making Your Physical Issue Visible is an enormously important item in my everyday decision-making. I have a crutch, but it's just that -- a crutch, to tell people I have A Problem, so they can stop being dickwads about something they cannot see -- physical chronic pain, in my case.

When I told parts of my Marketing team, lightly, about, in addition to having a bum knee, I also crushed my spine, were in hospital forever, had to do rehab, chronic pain therapy, the slightly!spectrum one said, "But you look very good for that!"

She doesn't mean my facial features; she means that I look societally acceptable because that's my genetic base setup, and she means I look athletic, because I devote about one hour a day to my health -- physical therapy exercises, ongoing and for new issue as they pop up; cardio to get my brain to stop whirring in excess; muscle-building and muscle-mobilizing to bring the pain down to a bearable level.

My life would obviously not be better if I did not look good "for that", but I still resent the mindset of all the people out there who don't get that not all of us with impairments sit in wheelchairs or are on crutches (I have, obviously, been in and on both, but it's not as if the pain or the problem stops once you make your steps in a way that looks normal from the outside).

[cadenzamuse]

I think for whatever reason people have a lot more sympathy for temporary disability than permanent? (Because cancer is invisible, but tends to get sympathy rather than diatribes--unless it's lung cancer and then I hear that everyone is judgy about smoking regardless of whether you were a smoker.) My theory is temporary disabilities don't remind people that able-bodiedness is not a permanent privilege, even amongst young people.

[rydra_wong]

Cats are very put out that I am no longer walking around the house cradling them in my arms like a baby (Erin) or letting them leap on to my shoulders from a standing position (Alex).

You should probably consider yourself lucky; a friend-of-a-friend broke her leg and her two cats were like We See You Are Incapacitated And Cannot Hunt, It Is Now On Us To Provide For The Family.

Apparently dealing with half-killed birds in one's flat is even less fun with one leg in a cast.