rachelmanija | Cool bits, cracktastic bits

Whoo! I was going to solicit too, so I am glad you did this first!

My favorite cracktastic bits:

Sakura of DOOM, roses of DOOM, irises of DOOM (Romeo x Juliet, rock on), rose whips of DOOM, general flowers of DOOM, vegetation of DOOM.

Heads in jars, heads in boxes, two heads in jars, random heads dropping off due to a wasting disease, random body parts dropping off due to a wasting disease, decapitated heads of loved ones being cradled lovingly in grief, heads of loved ones in jars being cradled lovingly in grief, body parts in jars, named body parts in jars that get talked to lovingly (oh Yuki Kaori... you are so insane), heads in jars that exist solely so they can be sewn back onto an immortal body and reanimated for purposes of love and/or revenge.

Crosses coming out of foreheads. Loligoth kimono with black lace and crinolines in Victorian London. Tragic parakeets in cages that are actually cockatiels. Sexy guys who are swords who are the Lucifer. Cannibal zombie angels. Cannibal zombie angel embryos flying through space (!!!! I will never get over this!). Devotion shown by offering cannibal zombie angels your shoulder to chew on. Hermaphrodites in clown make-up who despise themselves and long for the love of Lucifer. Guys who are the current reincarnation of the most powerful angel in heaven who is female and rebelled against heaven. Crazy space incest. Twins who either love their other twin so much they want to fuck and kill them or hate their other twin so much they want to fuck and kill them.

Ok, I think that's my first run. Sadly (or awesome-ly), nearly all of it is culled from Yuki Kaori.

OMG! How could I have forgotten? Trios of DOOM consisting of one girl and two guys in which one guy is completely evil and the girl dies (tragically. Possibly involving decapitation).

Giant scientific laboratories of dubious purpose with snaking wires and tubes everywhere. Bonus points for a suspended body in a glass tube. Wired cyborgs or modified people emerging (with wires still attached!) from giant tubs of water/amniotic fluid/who knows.

Suicide via ingesting yellow paint! A woman crashing into a flower shop after being thrown off a moving carriage and lying there, strewn with flowers. A beauty potion that actually eats you up from the inside and ends up destroying your eyeballs.

Angels as experimented human beings who are turned into weapons of mass destruction with skeletal, bloody wings (I will forever love Immortal Rain just for this!). Immortals whose hearts have been replaced with an iron cross on the chest. Iron crosses with a date of when said immortal's mortal enemy will be reincarnated. Evil children who are the reincarnation of evil people and claw their way out of their mother's womb (I kid you not).

Random goat heads and upside-down crosses! College students being turned into quivering lumps of flesh! Police thinking that is a prank! Naked women in churches!

Men who are missing their right eye! Men who are missing their right eye because they 1) tore it out themselves in remorse, 2) had it put out by their mortal enemy cum true love, 3) tore it out themselves to prove how manly they were. (I forget some of the other popular reasons)

Random mermaids. Random mouse-men. Insane long-haired doctors with glasses and organs in jars. OMG! I forgot! *points at icon* Evil death-dealing parrots of DOOM!

OMG GIANT WALRUS! I forgot the giant walrus!

* bodies that explode in gore, and then explode in a fireball, for no discernable reason.
* Main characters that endlessly repeat the other main character's names, preferably at top volume.
* Sexy villans who pose dramatically on elevated outcroppings to give dramatic speeches and laugh at the heroes dramatically.
* Finding something bizarre, gooey, and organic on the ground, poking at it a bit, picking it up to examine it more closely, and absent-mindedly sticking it in your pocket.
* Attack hair.

I'm sure I could think of others, but I'm still waking up. *sips chai*

More:

* malevolent fungus-insects from outer space that communicate by turning their heads different colours and steal people's brains and stick them in jars with synthetic voice boxes.
* malevolent life-sucking space-traveling colours.
* giant blind albino cave penguins that shout the names of horrible gods.
* people descended from fish-people.
* colossally huge malevolent supersentient magical burrowing worm-things that cause earthquakes.
* a blind idiot god the size of a planet that mindlessly devours everything it encounters.
* everything else H.P. Lovecraft or his co-conspirators ever wrote ever.

"Foreigners, women, marine creatures, fungi, old buildings, stars, colors, Gods, and geometry scare me."

And cold. I remember that he wrote a short story titled IIRC "Cool Air", but I can't remember what it's about. I also have a vague idea (that much less than an actual memory) that he wrote a story about somebody who goes into cryogenic suspension and is woken up to find that something from beyond crawled into his brain while he was frozen and is slowly driving him insane/taking over his mind, but I have no idea if that's an HP thing, something I dreamed, something somebody else entirely wrote, or what. Yay memory like a thing with holes that is made from rotted milk!

Yeah, the dude was totally terrified of cold. Cool Air is about an Undead Master Surgeon who helps heal down-and-outs in return for enough ice to keep his body from rotting. There's the whole Mountains of Madness thing down in the Antarctic, too.

The brain worm thing isn't Lovecraft, though. Don't know what that is. Sounds cool though!

The brain worm thing isn't Lovecraft, though. Don't know what that is. Sounds cool though!

Hmph... I should write it. And then have somebody tell me "Oh, you rewrote that one story by this guy!" and I'll go "D'oh!" Heh. ;)

And Now For Something Completely Different-Style Deus Ex Machina that is so in-your-face, deliberate, fanservicey, foreshadowed-feeling-whether-you-can-tell-it-is-or-not, and twisted back on itself that it turns into a koan-like OF COURSE.

Surprise, your best friend is secretly a demon who is secretly a sword with a soul who is secretly Satan who is secretly in love with you before you were dead and all of him got pseudo-amnesia? OF COURSE HE IS.
Surprise, hugging people turns them into animals? OF COURSE IT DOES.
[Fruits Basket spoilers up to where

rachelmanija has read] Surprise, Akito is a woman?[/spoiler] OF COURSE HE IS.
[Fruits Basket spoilers significantly PAST where rachelmanija has read] Surprise, the cliffhanger from the late chaper ends with the cliff from the first chaper breaking?[/spoiler] OF COURSE IT DOES.
Surprise, "the writer grew frustrated and called a duck into the story"? OF COURSE THE WRITER DID.

Not that you really need the titles, but in case you want to track down the origins of particular bits of crack.

Smokin' hot homicidal maniacs (1001 Nights, Threads of Time)
Dimensional travel through a toilet (Kyou Kara Maoh - it's through any sort of water, actually, but the protagonist first travels when he's getting a swirlie.)
A stoic bishounen who knits to relax (KKM also - it's a veritable cornucopia of crack)
The bitchiest uke ever (KKM)
Rampaging headless demons (InuYasha)
Psychopathic blond clones (Advent Children)
Traveling upwards by jumping off of falling rocks, masonry, etc. (every shounen anime evar)
A battle sitar (Kingdom Hearts II - hey, video games have JUST AS MUCH CRACK)
Smokin' hot genocidal maniacs (Sephiroth!!)
Child ninjas.
Swords larger than the person wielding them. (every video game evar)
Characters and spells named after 80s hair bands (JoJo's Bizarre Adventures, Bastard!!)

I'm not sure how to distill the crack in Death Note into sound bites. :/

Cats or cat-demons trying to marry women. (Princess Tutu, Ranma 1/2)
Gratuitous floating feathers (every shoujo evar)
Yakuza with hearts of gold (Gokusen)

AH!!

Psycho villain who, after the protagonist cuts his hand off, sharpens his arm bones because he plans to stab the protagonist with them!

Villain who sews women's heads to his shoulders!

Villain who paints his victim's body before he kills her!

Painter who finds that human blood gives him the perfect red! Who is not a villain!

I read a book once where a (bad guy) potter found the perfect red glaze by putting his victims into the kiln! And this was a cozy mystery! Featuring cats!

The Cat Who Saw Red back before the series sucked eeee!

YES EXACTLY that book was so much win!

Assassins whose cover identities are florists. (-X-Kai. Not just in Weiss Kreuz!)

Two women who form a secret Vatican hit squad. One woman is a nun with a split personality - one personality is a peace-loving sweet girl and the other is a bloodthirsty assassin - and it's the other woman's job to call the assassin personality out. ("Cross Fire", a short story by the guy who does Hellsing)

Secret Vatican hit squads in general (Hellsing, and probably Trinity Blood, seeing as how the Catholic Church is a major political power and seems to be the enemy in it)

A group of Buddhists with strange powers (one divines by a pendulum, one can talk to the dead, one always has a hand puppet that he claims is possessed by an alien, one is a hacker, and one is an embalmer) who do errands for the dead in order that they can rest in peace. (Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service, a totally awesome manga you whould read,

rachelmanija!)

And so it shows up here and not just in email: mercenary who eats metal and can produce the items eaten from his hand.

Rampaging headless demons (InuYasha)

That is awesome. The only thing better would be if the rampaging headless demons teamed up with the heads in jars to CONQUER THE WORLD!

That episode had an eeevil demon child trying to make it to the barrier between life and death. Since demons take longer to die than humans, he was finding strong demons and decapitating them, to psychically connect with the head and see what it saw beyond life. The bodies rampaging around was a byproduct of that.

An otter-demon child was running around with his dad's head in a bag, trying to find the body because he thought he might get his dad to come back to life if he got there in time. And once they got the head an body reunited, it was almost too late ... and the only person who could bring back the otter demon dad was Sesshoumaru, who wields a sword that can save a hundred lives with one swing, but which only works if the wielder cares. Sasshoumaru being a tall, impassive youkai who would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS ADMIT HE CARED ABOUT ANYTHING THE ONLY REASON I FAIL TO KILL MY BROTHER IS THAT HE'S TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT, NOT BECAUSE I FIND EXCUSES NOT TO KILL HIM WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCE.

If I could get that into a cracktastic sound bite, it would be so in there. XD

Trying SO HARD not to burst into insane giggling hysterics at work.

This is why I watch Inu-Yasha. It's your standard Rumiko Takahashi show that goes on and on and on and on and on and never fucking ends, but when it hits, it hits.

My favorite character is Sesshoumaru (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/telophase14/sesshoumaru3.jpg), who hits all sorts of Cool Bits buttons for me - tall, silver-haired, is sort of nominally evil BUT NOT REALLY, pretends not to care but deep down the wall around his heart is cracking a bit. Inu-Yasha is his half-brother - Inu's mom was a human and Sess's mom was a youkai - and their unnamed dad, referred to as Inupapa by the fandom, was a mighty taiyoukai who left his two swords to his sons - the Tetsaiga, which can slay a hundred warriors with a single blow (but ONLY IF you're protecting someone, which they don't know), to Inu-Yasha, and the Tensaiga, which can save a hundred lives with one blow, (but ONLY IF you care, which they don't know) to Sesshoumaru. Sess is kinda hacked off about getting what is, to him, the useless sword, and spends most of his time showing up and administering smackdowns to his annoying baby brother. Inu cut Sess's left arm off during one of these battles, which is probably why Sess no longer transforms into his huge demon-dog form, because I bet he thinks he'd look stupid as a three-legged dog.

Sesshoumaru eventually figures out how his sword works when he brings Rin, a small human girl who was savaged by wolves that attacked her village, back to life. Even before the attack, she was an orphaned outcast in the village, so she tags after Sesshoumaru, who makes a few token attempts to command her to go away but eventually gives up and she, he, and the small comedy sidekick demon Jakken who also tags after Sesshoumaru (because he fought under Sess in a huge war and swore to follow him always - woo, command presence!), plus a two-headed lizard-beast-horse-thing form an unlikely pack.

Because Sess tends to leave Jakken, Rin, and the lizardy thing behind when he goes on the Inu!Rampage, it took a long time for the main characters to realize that the human-hating Sesshoumaru has basically adopted this small human child. The Big Baddie Naraku steals Rin at one point to try to manipulate Sesshoumaru, which means that Sess considers Naraku his mortal enemy now. Entirely because of the insult to his august personage, of course, and not because he cares one way or the other about Rin, oh, no. When he's notified that Naraku has Rin, it's great: as

octopedingenue puts it, his reaction is basically. "Why should I care? It has nothing to do with me. I'm just going for a walk. In this direction. This is a good direction."

And all of that is only ONE TINY PART of the enormous sprawling saga that its Inu-Yasha.

Oh, okay - I'd seen Rin in a couple of episodes, and wondered WTF.

Also, "INU-YAAAASHAAAAA!!" "KAAAGOOOMEEEEE!!" "INU-YAAASHAAAA!!" "KAAAGOOOMEEEEE!!" I swear those two characters can only find each other by echolocation or something. Or they both keep forgetting each other's names, and have to compensate by saying them over and over really loudly: "Um, hey, dog-boy, wossname... um... Fred? no... I-something... sounds like 'ninny' kinda... oh right IIINU-YAAAASHAAAAAA!!!"

I swear those two characters can only find each other by echolocation

That makes so much sense. I do find the Inu-Yasha promo that features them screaming that at each other over and over really funny because of that. XD

Someday I will work up the nerve to play Marco Polo, Inuyasha-style, at a con with someone, and IT WILL ROCK.

Oh that will i>totally rock!

I was just having that thought. :D It would involve cosplay, though, which is Not My Thing - but I'd really enjoy watching it. :D

P.S. RINSOCUTE. And her songsocute!

I have to go re-read her introduction volume now.

Wow. I have never picked it up, but you are convincing me to! I'm guessing you like the anime more?

Honestly, the reason I like the anime more is that it would cost so much money to catch up on the manga. :D My TiVo catches it and I have it on in the background while I do art or I watch it while I bike - it's perfect for that.

I think they're broadcasting the final season of the anime now. The manga is still ongoing in Japan, and I'll eventually have to figure out where they split and start getting the manga. But I bet

octopedingenue will be happy to help me there. :)

If you were going to start it, you really need to watch the first season more-or-less in order because they introduce all the major characters there - I accidentally got the DVDs out of order and missed the one where the lecherous monk Miroku and the demon-slayer Sango were introduced, so it was confusing until I figured out who they were and why they were traveling with Inu-Yasha and Kagome. After that, until near the end it goes into a repetitive formula of searching for the baddie of the week to regain the shard of the Shikon Jewel that said baddie has, all the while searching for, almost catching, and then losing the main villain Naraku. It's near the end that you start getting things that permanently affect the characters.

Adult Swim made it all the way through the final season of Inuyasha a while ago, so they're recycling through it now. The schedule's a little random--you can try to find an episode list somewhere and match it up to their schedule to see where they are.

I've been renting individual disks in order to watch it in Japanese, in order. Advantages to watching in Japanese: honorifics (which just add a lot to character interactions, and are very hard to translate); Jaken's voice actor is much less annoying; and you get to actually hear the opening songs, which Adult Swim doesn't play for some reason of their own.

I'd watch it in Japanese with the subs, because I'm usually a subsnob, but I'm desperately working on a comic right now, and I don't hate the dub, so it works perfectly to be on in the background while I'm working on the computer. ~~except that I ahve to stop and watch the TV when Sesshoumaru is on because I am a sad, sad fangirl~~

it's okay I do it too. also with Koga, although I hate his dub voice hate hate haaaaate

also if Sesshomaru is onscreen it usually means there might be actual PLOT DEVELOPMENT HAPPENING

The anime ends with episode(s) 166-167, which roughly corresponds with chapters 345-356/volumes 36-37. Some actual "wait wait WHAT OMG" plot development occurs in the manga after the anime ends, which kills me. At least the first 3 of the 4 movies are loosely in canon with the anime but not the manga. The manga is currently up to chapter 503/volume 51 in Japan, making Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi's longest-running series (not incidentally, she is one of Japan's richest women). Someday my corpse will be found buried Scieszka-style beneath my collapsed shelves of Inuyasha manga. Bookmooch.com and Half.com have helped a lot.

Ear-Tweak is an excellent information resource for the series, including the lovely cracked-out soundclips collection.

Cool, thanks. :D I think I'll be treating Inuyasha like Rurouni Kenshin and starting to buy after the anime continuity ends, and work back on getting a full collection. :D

Bookmooch has a good cache of the early volumes, especially people dumping their older Viz editions--which is dumb, since they're bigger and prettier and all the manga's flipped anyway. (I keep meaning to check if Kikyou's kimono is originally folded "flipped," i.e. lie a corpse's.)

Also, one of the videogames is an RP in which you play a Mary Sue and you fight with the gang and are rescued by Sesshomaru and Inuyasha falls in love with you sort of. I WANT.

WANT

As

telophase says, it's a great show to watch for free on Adult Swim.

Another thing I like about it is that she's based the characters very loosely on the Journey to the West. And that cracks me the hell up.

I recently saw the one with the descendents of Cho Hakkai, Sha Gojyo, and Son Goku. XD

Sanzo and Sesshomaru would get on suprisingly well despite mutual sneering.

Everyone else would get their fluffy ears shot off. Miroku gets fanthwacked and THEN shot.

Sanzo and Sesshoumaru together in a crossover fic...? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, WOMAN?

[blissed-out smile]*

* Which inevitably brings to mind the scene I saw recently where Jaken is riding on Sesshoumaru's big fluffy thing** and is bitching like usual, and then all of a sudden pauses, says something like "Ooooh, soft!" and starts rubbing his face in the fluff with that blissed-out expression that my cat gets when she's sitting on her heating pad. I couldn't believe my eyes and had to rewind and rewatch that part. XD

**

rachelmanija, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

It would be a fic of total hotness and surprising asexuality all at once!**

*I LOVE THAT SCENE SO MUCH.

I have a Jaken-plushie (the same size as my Sesshy-plushie, bwah) who comes with that little flower he plucked petals from to forecast whether or not Sesshomaru still loved him anymore.

Oh Jaken, someday Sesshomaru-sama will take you to prom.

**

rachelmanija, SESSHOMARU LIKE SANZO CHANNELS HIS SEX DRIVE INTO VIOLENCE AND HAIRCARE, RANDOM ONE-OFF MARY SUE LOVE INTEREST OR NO RANDOM ONE-OFF MARY SUE LOVE INTEREST.

Kagura would totally work it by drugging him or something, I don't know. Threaten not to blowdry his fluffy anymore unless he puts out.

IT WOULD BURN WITH FIERCELY SUPPRESSED PASSION AND UTTER DENIAL OF ANY EMOTION BUT SUPERIORITY ALL AT ONCE!!

Eeee, the flower! XDD

I think any love scene between Kagura and Sesshoumaru would be 90% them standing around sneering and pretending to be completely unaffected by the other.

Poor Jaken, if only he'd been born a six-year-old girl.

See? HOTNESS!

And then each would listen inon a third line while a ~~friend~~ low-grade enemy called the other and asked how they felt about the secret eavesdropper.

P.S. later in the manga will make you happy sad fangirl ;P

Kagome would totally do that for them, once she figured out waht was going on. THE FIC, IT WRITES ITSELF

I think I know what you're alluding to. :D

Because Kagome playing matchmaker = always goes well!

I am alluding to MULTIPLE THINGS, even, which makes it more awesome!

Also the Sesshy-plushy is so grumpy and has a TINY EMPTY SLEEVE HEEEEE.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! XDD

I need a good caption now!

BLISSU
FluffAir, the only way to travel!

That one won pretty hard.

I have nice-quality bootlegs* of the first few seasons if you'd like me to loan them (I still owe you YKK) or make you a copy. I discovered Inuyasha through the dub on Adult Swim (my first anime, AWWW), so I love both sub and dub, but overall the Japanese version is better acted / less cheesy.

*I've spent so much money on licensed Inuyasha material from back when I was young and foolish and it was 3 episodes per $20 DVD, my pirate guilt has shrunk very small.

Ooooo. I may take you up on that; I strangely feel like I have no anime to watch, despite having Emma and Mushishi on my hard drive. But I don't want to mainline them!

Yes, Sesshomaru is so eeeevil in his fluffy shoujo watercolors. It is a good thing he is a true noble youkai above such worldly things as brotherly squabbles and servant loyalty or someone might get the wrong idea!

P.S. Koga the wolf-demon leader responsible for the wolves who ATE POOR SWEET RIN becomes one of the good guys! Sort of! But this is totally okay because he is hot and wears a fur kilt and swirly-fights and anyway is completely over the baby-eating since he discovered potato chips!

Oh, endless Inuyasha crack, I love you so.

That whole baby-eating Koga thing wigs me out. I did appreciate the ep I saw recently where his hapless henchmen met Sesshoumaru and Rin and Rin was frightened. XD

That was "Koga and Sesshomaru's Dangerous Encounter" AKA "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern In Feudal Japan" AKA My Favoritest Episode Ever. Koga and Inuyasha's death-battle over junk food! The fearsome power of Sesshomaru's Utterly Blank Stare! The battle climax that wasn't!

I'm really going to have to find a DVD and re-watch that ep. It's great. XD

Rampaging headless demons (InuYasha)

You left out the eeeevil dried foodstuffs which when boiled are reconstituted as rampaging demonic mushrooms, seaweed, and cod!

The demonic cod mostly just flopped around.

You're right! How could I forget the rampaging demonic mushrooms! And poor Kagome trying to carry the play along so that nobody realizes what's happening!

~~Kagome~~ "Princess Escargot": HEY EVERYBODY, THE EXPLOSIONS ARE TOTALLY PART OF THE SCRIPT
Inuyasha: *eyebrows of doesnotcompute*
Kagome's Hapless Co-Star "Prince": Right-O, "Princess," the show will go on with my dramatic sword flourish!
Inuyasha: All of you people are dangerous crazies but at least hey I know from dramatic sword flourishes!

(wandering in after a bizarre series of links)

Death Note crack. Let's see.

A megalomaniac high school student who wants to be God.
Writing someone's real name in a notebook while visualizing their face kills them.
Mostly-invisible demons. Who love apples as a recreational drug.
A super-gorgeous model who kills people.
Mortal enemies are handcuffed together.
A reclusive famous detective (no one knows his face or real name).
Your father threatening to commit murder/suicide to prove your innocence.
Shell games with important pieces of evidence.
Selective amnesia triggered by possession or lack of possession of a notebook.
Demons that can be killed by them saving someone's life.
Demons stealing people's lifespan by killing them early.
Catfights over an expensive dinner.
Sugar junkie detective.

Being shipwrecked in the Falkland Islands, penguins of any variety, having amnesia and thinking you're a criminal...

oh, you meant examples that aren't REAL?

"Of course I'm still living in the house full of active booby-traps set up by my evil father who hated me! Here, have a penguin."

"Welcome to my tower full of orphan kiddies I'm training to be ninja assassins. They call me Il Corvo, or sometimes Lucifer. Why yes, I always wear robes embroidered with Kabalistic symbols."

"They call me 'Man-Shark.'"

"They call me 'Man-Shark.'"

Wanna see my...ninja sword?

*dies laughing*

*hides Kinsale paperbacks*

No, no, no.
..living in a house full of active booby-traps because my family's theiving pastime is not sticking hard enough. Also, winterscapes. Sometimes they take me into Neverlands where it's always winter and never feathers.
[DNAngel, first handful of volumes]

I thought I had nothing to add to this conversation, but I have read a few manga...

Somebody said attack hair. Attack EYEBROWS. And NOSE HAIRS.

I first thought "attack nose hair" but decided that the general genre of "attack hair" is in itself cracktastic enough. "Attack nose hair" just makes it that much more cracktical.

Disturbingly, "attack nose hair" is not merely an element but the premise of the manga Bo-bo-bobobo-bo-bo-bo (or some other combination of bos.)

Yah, they showed it on Nickelodeon a while ago; for all I know, nobody has been able to stop it, so it may still be on.

Cracktical! It's new crackcabulary!

"crackcabulary" = WIN

There's always The Tick's mustache! Best attack hair ever!

- "Now face my TRUE FORM" (true form is always nasty btw)
- Pindot eyes (indication that all sanity is gone)
- The Beam of Cleansing (TM)
- Bendy laser beams
- Casual use of megasuperpsycho powers
- Prefix madness (giga-hyper-mega-super-etc.)
- Combining robots
- The silent badass with a sword
- The really strong rowdy guy
- "Oops, we broke reality"
- Collateral damage from "powering up"
- The Traumatic flashback
- The shy crush
- Supernatural casual agility (balancing on light poles, diving into water without ripples, etc.)
- The jerky/jitter movement of insanity/undeath
- The Necro cuddle (cradling the decapitated head)
- The "bend TOO far back" laugh
- The old guy who no one fucks with
- The badass girl character who whips your ass.

Oh my gosh, BENDY LASER BEAMS. I watched Wolf's Rain and just about had a FIT.

Funny, I just started watching Wolf's Rain again two days ago. How innocent I was when I first saw it- I did not see how it's really just one big yaoi fest.

Wait till the unexpected giant walrus the size of a barn!

RACHEL DID NOT TELL ME THIS.

She only mentioned the Engrish on the HK dubs. I really need to dig them out again and continue watching, but not until after A-Kon. I WOULD NEVER HAVE STOPPED WATCHING IF I KNEW ABOUT THE WALRUS.

It's a giant flying talking walrus!

I promise I will finish watching as soon as A-Kon is over!!

KEEP AN EYE ON THE VAN.

It's because she forgot! She forgot about the giant flying walrus!

The best part is, that was a totally random episode she dug up in order to try and find "we must protect....amusement park!"

We never did find that. But the walrus was so totally worth it.

- Anything from Greek tragedy. D: 'lol i married my mom'
- Biblical themes thrown in at random points. WHY IS A SHIP SHAPED LIKE A CROSS RAISING OUT OF THE OCEAN
- Phallic-shaped demons. Megaten and Shadow Hearts, I'M LOOKING AT YOU. D:
- Freudism and Jungism throw in like sprinkles on a nine year old's ice cream cone.
- Fake memories.
- Fake pasts.
- Fake relatives. "OMG YOUR NOT MY MOM BUT AN EXPERIMENTAL ANDROID!?!?"
- Humans bleeding any other color other than red.
- Finding your own blood to be another color than red.
- Evil twins.
- VAGINA DENTATA

Here from fandom_lounge, couldn't resist jumping in,not an anime fan, so I bring you crack from the world of American/British films and TV:

-Fighting one's own evil body parts
-Tree rape
-Motherfucking chainsaw arms! (groovy).
-Being covered with insects/small reptiles, whether hallucinated or not.
-Anything big enough to swallow you without chewing, especially underwater...surviving and getting out.
-Horrible human/whatever hybrids
-Sexy evil robots
-Any Charleton Heston sci-fi reveal ("It was Earth all along!" "Soylent Green is people!")
-Leapfrogging back in time to thwart your opponent (i.e. Curse of Fatal Death)
-Continuing to fight as body parts get hacked off
-Aliens whose mission for whatever reason (bonus points if it's sinister) is to have sex with as many humans as possible.
-Things every part of which is sentient and will attack you (i.e. the blood in "The Thing")

Oooh, good Evil Dead crack-moments. Count the different blood colors in Evil Dead 2 for bonus points! (five, IIRC) and hundreds of gallons of (black?) blood spewing from the walls and then retracting and then the furniture laughs at you. Rocky gets it!

... god I love that movie.

(Hi! also found re fandom_lounge link!)

Warrior ducks with chicken feet wearing football helmets, people riding giant insects, a military leadership made up entirely up of eternally young clones, robots made of barrels, forgetful girls who can teleport...
...and that's all in one video game. (Suikoden III.)

an oracle powered by feeding people to a vampiric tree; live insects being used as hair decoration (random David Drake novels)

And then I finally see your icon cycle and realize you already know allll about S3 crack. oops.

I think she actually only knows about the duck - it came from a review that I think

coffeeandink did of S3. :)

ICON ADORATION - COMPLETE AND TOTAL ICON ADORATION

I got it off an icon post at

yotsubato--check my icon credits. :)

This came from another batch of someone else's Yotsuba icons.

That's almost as good. But not quite.

---L.

Meeting a penguin in the street, and it follows you home, and lets you feed it and everything -- and you CAN'T KEEP IT.

A green-haired five-year-old who has never met a swing. Nor an air conditioner. Nor a doorbell. Nor knows what school is. Who thinks cicadas are fairies.

Detatchable pigtails. That let you fly.

Aliens crash land on your body and reconstruct you with the wrong sex. (And then move into your closet, and eventually officiate at your underage lesbian wedding at the top of a phantom staircase that's over the snowfalling rainbow.)

Santa is a chick on a hovercycle. Who brings you a little sister in a sack.

Death is a cutie in a kimono riding a flying oar.

Rosa Chinensis en bouton petite sœur.

Now that you have a terminal illness, here's a comfort clone, tailored to be your perfect companion, and oh by the way she'll die around the same time you will.

And finally: "Eventually he lost patience and called a duck into the story."

---L.

Speaking of penguins, penguins that live in the freezer of an apartment in post-apocalyptic Tokyo.

Is that different from the hot-water penguin that lives in the bathtub in an apartment in post-apocalyptic Tokyo?

'K, where's THAT from?

---L.

Neon Genesis Evangelion. The show as a whole is not that crack-heavy, until the last two episodes, which make up for the relative lack of insanity earlier by being the single weirdest thing I've ever seen in any anime ever.

I've been meaning to watch that for a while. Maybe it's time to add it to the queue.

---L.

Wait, are those the same penguin? It's Pen-Pen, right?

He lives in the bathtub AND the freezer! Rock.

Yep, Pen-Pen. I only remember the bathtub, and Misato's explanation that he was a hot-water penguin. (Misato rocked! If the whole show had been about her, it would have been so much less angsty and insane. Probably.)

flaming pom-poms, random object catching on fire like flower pots, octopus poo, vampire cows, vampires not being able to go out into the sun being able to because of sunglasses, Andy Bell, animals dressed as other animals, roosters in bonnets, jet-propelled steam trains, sitting on clouds because of a pure heart, penguins, beavers, tsuchinokos, Greek gods incarnated in Japan, toaster ovens of extreme holiness, southern preachers, ♪Banana Phone♫, Patrick Steward, "Why baloney is round?", Scroll Lock, being able to be invincible but only on Thursdays, leaky ceilings, forced marriage, forced marriage of two guys, cyborg loli-girls recruited to be sex slaves for teenage boys, skateboarding beavers, EXTREME CHECKERS, flame retardant nightgowns, stripped panties, nuclear powered thong-underwear, characters with random dots on their faces, mummies, teenage girl super hero teams, teenage girl super hero teams made of cross-dressers, Power Rangers, Bibendum, Godzilla with a light saber, helicopter pigtails, AB Lincoln, bowling, ect.

All this from one sci-fi show:

A love slave who is part brain-eating lizard and will start trying to eat people from the neck up when stressed.

An angry, verbally abusive robot head without a body.

A parasitic plant that takes the form of a beautiful and seductive woman.

An angsty, good-looking assassin who just happens to be undead and dependent on strange dark goo flowing through his veins.

...there was more but I've forgotten it.

just had to say: <3's for Lexx

I still kinda miss that show.

The girl who simultaneously managed to pass as her dead brother *and* as a beautiful gypsy girl in Contra Viento y Marea was pretty cracktastic, especially when she managed to be the hero's bit on the side *and* his bestest buddy and the idiot never noticed they were the same person.

Also the switched-baby plot. Also the "Let's kidnap the heroine's baby and pretend to rescue it so she'll fall in love with me" bit. Also the other switched baby plot. Also the bed trick (twice). Also the villainess carving her initials in her boyfriend's chest while he was taking a bubble bath, then having an affair with her son (who wasn't actually her son, but she didn't know that) and...

...actually the whole damn show is pretty deranged.

- Satan is God's alternate personality, and they need to integrate to solve their personal problems.

- Satan is regular old person's alternate personality. This will surely cause him some problems!

- Satan's deranged bride from a past life is regular old female person's alternate personality, so he's going to be lounging shirtless around her high school casually killing people from now on, if that's cool, and everything.

- Regular old male person's dead angry sister is his alternate personality, so now he must cross-dress for vengeance.

- Girl tries to sell soul to Satan, he shows up at her high school and sexually harasses her boyfriend.

- Joan of Arc is reincarnated as a Japanese school girl master thief who steals for God.

- Nun-in-training with mysterious underworld connections who somehow is allowed to take confession and uses the information acquired so to fight crime.

- Everyone's head turns into a dog's.

The belief that a nun (or a novice) is essentialy a miko produces some very odd results.

---L.

Chow Yun Fat and the actress in The Killer, crawling past each other and reaching out and JUST MISSING while both blind and bleeding out the eyeballs while the church is on fire behind them.

Also, all slow motion flying glass and paper and doves at the same time scenes from all other John Woo movies.

A subspace highway running through someone's head.

Having to defeat your girl's seven evil ex-boyfriends.

Bands named after video games.

Vegan super powers.

since i read way too much yaoi these days, all this crack is yaoi tropes, and i don't know whether they're possibly not, uh, "clean" enough for your generator, but you can decide that for yourself. some of them sound like sad throwbacks to the dark ages for western women, so they're totally cracktastically unfunny, but you just asked for crack, not for funny. *wry grin*.

- self-lubricating butts (this is not rare, it's the norm)
- talking penes (fortunately this isn't the norm, this is just yamato nase crack)
--- they're not just talking, they are swapped due to a somewhat supernatural accident. and of course they are swapped between two boys who don't like each other.
--- one of the penes wears glasses and gets really upset when they get lost during a bout of mutual masturbation.
- "i like you! i've always liked you!" immediately followed by buttsex. dinner and a movie? we have no time to waste!
- soap makes great lube (in case your uke is one of the few without a self-lubricating anus)
- sex heals all -- whether you have a fever, open wounds, broken bones, or even a lopped-off arm, there is nothing preventing a passionate session in the infirmary. or on the battlefield. anywhere, really.
- you will fall in love with your rapist. maybe even right during the raping. (*gah*. my feminist credentials will be taken away for reading this.)
- if you are a cute li'l uke, random would-be violators are everywhere; life is just not safe without a strong, manly, and vigilant seme to rescue you. of course you won't _listen_ to him when he warns you.
- if somebody who's not yet your designated seme has saved you from a random would-be violator, he will likely demand sex from you in exchange.
- if you're in denial, forced sex will make you want to admit your feelings.
- if you have a twin, or a brother who's adopted, or from whom you've been separated for years, or who's your new step-brother, you will have sex in no time at all.
- swallowing demon semen will result in super-human strength for a human.
- if he is an asshole, he just doesn't know how to express his deep feelings of love for you.
- there are no straight men, only gay men who've not found the right man yet.
- even while protesting vigorously that you are not gay, you are madly in love with one man.
- if he says he's not gay, dressing (him or yourself) up in a maid uniform or some other female cosplay gear will naturally make him want to have sex with you.
- if you masturbate while fantasizing about your secret crush, he will secretly observe you and fall in love with you.
- naked but for frilly apron sex (*shudder*).
- mpreg (male pregnancy) (*triple shudder*).

- people suspended in tanks of goo opening their eyes and staring malevolently, or even just staring
- catholic priests who are possesed by a demon that makes them grow a really big giant arm
- dramatic scars on any part of the body
- any house or building (poss castle) that has a portal to hell in the floor
- people with hidden wings
- any type of spontaneously glowing eye/s
- superheroes who live in volcanoes and dress as cats
- magical pets of doom, which will ruin your life and teach you a lesson
- crossdressing petshop owners
- crossdressing male brothel owners
- dead gay angel detectives
- faking your own death for years in order to more effectively fight crime

Wolf head snapping enemy princess's arm off in post-death revenge, empowered by a normally benevolent death/life god, which is searching for its head via purpose-driven goo
(is this too highly specific? Naw...)

Self and inner demon love the opposite twins, come to switch, still fight bitterly over kissing whichever it happens to be

Switch to inner demon/alternate identity when aroused, monitored closely with "Rabu-Rabu" thermometer when undesirable, and sprinkled with heart cutouts...

I am plant/guardian angel/living gun!
(then again, I only watched 10 episodes, it might not be so cracktastic as I've understood it to be. Not likely)

Trends to emulate:

Carrying a bag of two-inch vials in dress results in disguise as pregnant woman: Perfect!

Goggles and a few years alone on a deserted planet with internet access for a kid will provide the universe with its youngest hacker-genius and star-whisperer.

A Chinese-opera-masked, armless kung-fu fighter with a meter-long braid made of iron. (GOD I LOVE CHINESE COMICS.)

Things that sound charming in myth but get taken a bit too far, such as a snow princess who has an eye melting off the side of her head. (Pugyuru is the most cracktastic anime I've ever seen.)

Pretty much anything involving dolls and automatons.

Crazy-ass feats ala the Princess Bride ("I'm not left-handed either," and the whole poison thing).

Metaphors made real and nonstandard transformations: a girl who is a door, a cat-rabbit who is a spaceship, a Welsh corgi who is a supercomputer (or something). Also, nonstandard magic items, like such as L. Frank Baum's wish-granting diamond-studded gold dishpan and soothsaying mechanical pink teddy bear (the Oz books get much more cracktastic after the first one).

Unexplained randomness: a watermelon in a lab, that same Welsh corgi...

I dunno, I love everything that makes me say "Wait, WHAT?" "..." *hysterical laughter* "That's AWESOME!"

Just one that's on the surface of my mind, so far - (Vampire Masquerade, Bloodlines)

A doctor who sells prosthetics who cuts his arm off because he wanted to know what it felt like and then jumps on people carving them up and then attacks "you" with arms and legs.

:)

Giant Locusts!

*villains who are made of poison, and whose words are poison, and cause people to rot from the inside out
*villains with extra arms who can detach and implant them to control people, or form a new (self-aware) character from one of them
*prehensile hair (which strangles people)
*hair which suddenly grows 8-10 feet when a character is weakened (and then drains others' life force)
*characters who sprout plants from the wound when they are cut
*lonely cockroaches looking for friendship, mysteriously transformed into young men with long, very matted hair
*nonsentient objects (i.e. combs) holding grievances which cause them to become ghosts and demons
*inappropriate or enthusiastically overused religious symbolism (i.e., a Catholic priest from Texas imprisoning souls in a Star of David)
*youkai markings
*babies growing on trees after the hopeful parents tie a ribbon around the branch

As the guy behind Seventh Sanctum (http://www.seventhsanctum.com/) I MUST know when this is done!

Cool bits, cracktastic bits

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Shorter H. P. Lovecraft

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Re: Shorter H. P. Lovecraft

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Hi, Laura Kinsale!

Re: Hi, Laura Kinsale!

Re: Hi, Laura Kinsale!

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