Cool bits, cracktastic bits

[rachelmanija]

telophase has created a Cool Bits story generator.

The narrative is about triumph beating the odds. Romance blossoms between a scholar and a woman with a gun, while difficulties they encounter include sex against a wall and nothing being as it seems.

oyceter said that someone should make a Cracktastic Bit generator. I here solicit suggestions of cracktastic bits. They can be from any genre or media, though I do think that manga and anime gives great cracktastic.

By "cracktastic," I mean giant talking soldier ducks, giant robot chickens, heads in jars, heads in jars because the villain cut them off and put them there and hopes to clone the body and revive it so he can kill the person again, random incest, exploding heads, cannibal zombie angels, giant floating eyeballs, diseases that make your head spontaneously fall off, attacking floating fetuses, boys dressed in girls' sailor suit uniforms, "I cross-dress because it's so relaxing!" transformations into pandas, adorable chibi side illustrations of eyeballs on a platter, characters wearing kimono in Victorian London, little boys with bags over their heads and an axe in their hand, librarian chickens in tennis shoes and bonnets, possessed cockatiels, conjoined twin villains, combat butlers, butlers named Rifael Rafael, prosthetic limbs that double as any kind of weapon but especially guns or rocket-launchers, tentacle rape, characters with missing eyes (it's a thing), "Whatever you brought home, make sure you share it with your brothers! Oh... it's a wife?"

You know. Stuff like that.

What are your favorite cracktastic bits?

Comments

[oyceter]

OMG! How could I have forgotten? Trios of DOOM consisting of one girl and two guys in which one guy is completely evil and the girl dies (tragically. Possibly involving decapitation).

Giant scientific laboratories of dubious purpose with snaking wires and tubes everywhere. Bonus points for a suspended body in a glass tube. Wired cyborgs or modified people emerging (with wires still attached!) from giant tubs of water/amniotic fluid/who knows.

Suicide via ingesting yellow paint! A woman crashing into a flower shop after being thrown off a moving carriage and lying there, strewn with flowers. A beauty potion that actually eats you up from the inside and ends up destroying your eyeballs.

Angels as experimented human beings who are turned into weapons of mass destruction with skeletal, bloody wings (I will forever love Immortal Rain just for this!). Immortals whose hearts have been replaced with an iron cross on the chest. Iron crosses with a date of when said immortal's mortal enemy will be reincarnated. Evil children who are the reincarnation of evil people and claw their way out of their mother's womb (I kid you not).

Random goat heads and upside-down crosses! College students being turned into quivering lumps of flesh! Police thinking that is a prank! Naked women in churches!

Men who are missing their right eye! Men who are missing their right eye because they 1) tore it out themselves in remorse, 2) had it put out by their mortal enemy cum true love, 3) tore it out themselves to prove how manly they were. (I forget some of the other popular reasons)

Random mermaids. Random mouse-men. Insane long-haired doctors with glasses and organs in jars. OMG! I forgot! *points at icon* Evil death-dealing parrots of DOOM!

OMG GIANT WALRUS! I forgot the giant walrus!