A Quokka Dreeds its Weird

I was on several panels, including a rather intellectually elevated one on writing academic papers on anime, during which the panel of professors frequently name-dropped Foucault and Derrida, and one on writing manga, which thank God I dragged telophase to because otherwise I would have been the only person on the panel.

But the Panel That Will Live In Infamy was the one on Saiyuki, which consisted of me (presumably to discuss the manga) and American dub actors Greg Ayres (Goku) and Monica Rial (lots of minor characters.) I showed up on time. The room was packed with bright-eyed Greg Ayres fans, several of them armed with video cameras. (This whole panel might be on YouTube, for all I know.)

Greg and Monica didn't show up. And didn't show up. I finally said, "I know you're all here to see Greg Ayres; I'm sure he'll be here in a moment; let's just wait a bit."

Ten or fifteen minutes past the time the panel should have started, I said, "I'm sure Greg will get here eventually, but since this is a panel about Saiyuki, I'll start talking about it, and Greg can jump in when he arrives."

Crazed fangirls: Collective groan.

Me: "Let's have a show of fake enthusiasm!"

Crazed fangirls, who thankfully had a sense of humor: "Woo-hoo! Yay!"

I introduced myself and began to discuss the manga. Just as I was starting to get warmed up, Greg Ayres walked in. He looked about my age (32) or a bit older, a short guy with a pink face and wispy blue and green hair.

Crazed fangirls: Genuine hysteria.

Greg Ayres and I begin to discuss Saiyuki (both of us) and tell amusing anecdotes about the life of a voice actor (him.) This went fine until I attempted to agree with him that the relationship of Goku and Sanzo was not sexual in nature by referring to Saiyuki Gaiden, a prequel series which is licensed and scheduled, but not yet available in English.

Me: "Let me just tell you what Gaiden is, for those of you who haven't read it in scans--"

Greg Ayres (breathing smoke): "Hold it right there. Scans are totally wrong! How dare you mention scanlations! You should never read them! They're stealing, they're evil, they're--"

Me: "Um, let me clarify. I'm not talking about reading scans instead of buying the official release. I buy the English releases of everything I read in scans. I'm just talking about reading ahead."

Greg Ayres (shooting flames from his nostrils): "It makes no difference! It's still stealing! I never do that! You should never do that! It's totally immoral! And illegal! And unethical! It destroys the livelihoods of manga creators! It's like breaking into their houses and stealing! I know of many mangaka who cannot ever be licensed in English because their work had been scanned!"

Note: I wish I'd asked him who he was talking about. It's not that I think he was lying; I just wonder if there's more to the story, as an awful lot of manga that has been scanned gets licensed anyway.

Me: "I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this. By the way, I am a manga creator, and there's more than one side to this issue. I know of some mangaka whose work was licensed because it had an online fanbase."

Greg Ayres: (Head explodes.)

Me: "Um... do you mind if I refer to Gaiden? I do actually read Japanese, so I theoretically could have read it in Japanese. It's just that it's difficult and I'm lazy... Oh, wait, I forgot, it's in the anime too! We can just say we're talking about the anime!"

Greg Ayres (pointing to crazed fangirl): "You!"

Crazed fangirl: "Can I hug you?"

Greg Ayres: "Uh... after the panel."

Crazed fangirl: (Hand pops up again.)

Greg Ayres: "Yes?"

Crazed fangirl: "Can you say, 'I love you, Sanzo?' In your Goku voice?"

Greg Ayres: "I love you, Sanzo."

Entire room: "SQUEEEEE!"

The panel then continued in a less awkward manner, except for a slight hiccup when Greg Ayres mentioned watching a series that has not yet been released in English. "I don't own this!" he added hastily. "I saw it at a friend's house! And it was a legal version! We watched it in the original Japanese! Without subtitles!"

Later that day, I spotted Greg Ayres walking by, as I sat behind telophase's table piled high with unauthorized fanart.

"Hi, Greg!" I said.

He stared at me like he had no idea who I was. As it had not occurred to me that he was seriously angry at me-- I thought we'd just had a disagreement, as reasonable people may do-- I assumed that, like I often do, he had merely failed to recognize me.

"I'm Rachel Brown!" I explained. "From the panel this morning."

A large, blinking neon sign reading, "I HATE YOU" materialized over his forehead. Shooting me a look of utter loathing, he seemed to struggle with words for a moment. Then he spat out, "You and I have very different opinions!" And turned his back, and stomped away.

If any of you ever meet Greg Ayres, I've got some good links to illegal download sites you can pass on with my compliments.

First read telophase's AnimeFest con report, which answers the quiz she posed in an earlier entry. You people who thought I could draw something that anyone would want to buy are on crack.

Armed with a handful of tiny, individually wrapped chocolates which I had earlier picked up at my Japanese market, I stationed myself behind telophase's booth, where she was selling individual art commissions, prints of her work in various sizes, and our manga, Project Blue Rose.

The back cover of the latter reads, "If Mulder and Scully were both gay men... and if Alias were set in East Texas... You'd almost be prepared for Project Blue Rose.

Contents contain hostage situations, rose petals, black helicopters, tragic pretty boys, East Texas anti-government wackos, psychic kids, bad radio, and genuine Tyler, Texas barbecue.

And, of course, hot men kissing each other."

Since these are rated R and individually wrapped, my goal was to get people to read the back cover, at which point they either laugh and buy it, laugh and put it down, or (if male) run and hide. And also to come over and look at telophase's lovely art.

So I stood up, held up a copy, and started yelling like a crazed carnival barker, "Free Japanese chocolate with every copy of our beautiful boys' love doujinshi! Free Japanese chocolate with every purchase!" And whenever anyone came up, I stuck a copy in their hands and said, "Here, read the back cover, see if it's your kind of thing." When I ran out of chocolate, I put out a bowl of rice crackers and yelled, "Free rice crackers while you look at the art!"

Results: We sold 39 copies, plus telophase made more money in two days than she had in three days at the last AnimeFest.

A series of nice young ladies came over to request commissions. One, who wanted Ichigo and Renji from Bleach making out, kept returning to add more details. Her original request was "Ichigo wearing his bankai top, pinning Renji to a bed." Later, she returned to add, "Renji's clothes are shredded." The next day, she added, "They should be kissing." Finally she arrived with little figurines of them to make sure we got Renji's tattoos right.

Later, a shy young lady arrived to request a picture of two characters from a video game. "Doing what?" asked telophase.

"Oh... um... just the two of them... together."

I felt that if she was getting a fantasy picture, she might as well get her ultimate fantasy. I told her of the Ichigo/Renji commission, and said, "So, would you like something like that?"

"Pinned would be good! um. if that's OK."

"Pinned up against a wall...? To a bed...?" I inquired.

"Bent over a desk!" she declared. "In an office! And [So-and-so] should have his shirt off! Yes! That's what I want!"

The young woman's eyes lit up as she claimed her fantasy. I felt all proud and motherly.

I know, I know, what you all really want to know is about how I mortally offended Saiyuki voice actor Greg Ayres. However, I have to run now. Later!

I'm back. I had an excellent time. I am not going to write too much about it just yet, because telophase will eventually post a quiz regarding our activities, which I don't want to spoil.

The hotel was hosting AnimeFest, a Baptist gathering, and an Indian wedding. The Indian women had the best outfits.

There were lots of cosplayers, of which my favorites were a male Pyramid Head whose head looked just like metal, but couldn't have been because he held it in one hand when he got tired of wearing it; a slew of BabyNinja, who scampered about adorably; a Roy Mustang who actually looked like Roy Mustang (he shared our room one night-- no, not like that, he was one of our roommates); a small female Neji who looked like a small female Neji without the white eyes; a Kakashi with the sharingan eye; a Kisame-and-Itachi team; a lovely Lust with very long fingernails; several small, cute L-and-Light-and-Misa teams; and a curse-mark Sasuke who was very in-character when we took his photo, that is, he gave us a look of utter scorn. telophase will post photos.

The first night telophase took me to an authentically Texas-kitsch restaurant for baby back ribs, smoked chicken, smoked corn, Shiner Bock (that is a beer), and warm oatmeal cookies topped with whipped cream and vanilla ice cream. The smoked stuff was OK; the rest was excellent. She had the peach cobbler, which was very good. Later and elsewhere, I had very nice fried eggs and rosemary potatoes, plus pizza with proscuitto, sweet onions, and portobello mushrooms (not all at once.) And some awful hotel food, which I am not going to memorialize in print.

But the best outing was to Half-Price Books, which was having an additional 20% off. I bought so many books that telophase is going to have to mail many of them back to me. My favorite discovery was a bunch of out of print Noel Streatfeilds I've never even read, including The Circus is Coming, Apple Bough, Gemma, When Sirens Wailed, and Thursday's Child.

More later-- after I see a post from telophase, who really ought to be back home by now...