A Quokka Dreeds its Weird

A practical, easy-reading guide to some common issues and obstacles faced by a beginning therapist. This makes a good companion to Yalom’s The Gift of Therapy, which could be described the same way but which has little overlap in content.

What I liked best about Cozolino’s book is his emphasis on the idea that no one is perfect when they start out, everyone feels like an imposter, and that mistakes are inevitable but not the end of the world. While Yalom discusses his own mistakes, they tend not to be embarrassing or stupid ones. Cozolino, to my relief, recounts some truly ridiculous errors of his own. My favorite was how when he was just beginning private practice, an earthquake hit in the middle of a session. Cozolino was so locked into his role as the “unflappable analyst” that he didn’t react at all.

Finally, his client said, “Um… Isn’t that an earthquake?”

Cozolino replied, “How does that make you feel?”

In retrospect, of course, he realized that he had acted like a robot, and also that he might have made his client feel that his own completely normal reaction was wrong.

The book has a nice balance between emphasizing being yourself and not getting so anxious that you become a robot, and pointing out ways to avoid making common errors. A few suggestions:

- Keep what you say as concise as possible. Clients tune out long monologues. Try to get to the heart of what you’re trying to say.

- Put emergency numbers on speed dial. Schedule any potentially dangerous (to self or others) clients for when your supervisor or other backup is present. Discuss emergency procedures with your supervisors before there’s an emergency.

- Stay calm. You don’t have to feel your client’s emotions. Provide hope, and provide structure. It can be helpful to boil down multiple problems into some central core issue, to make them feel less overwhelming and hopeless.

- Don’t try to reason people out of delusions. Cozolino has a great story here in which he tries to prove to a psychotic client that she is not pregnant with a kitten. When he attempts to enlist the other members of her group in this effort, he instead inspires her to persuade them of the truth of her delusion. They end up planning a kitten shower, to which Cozolino is browbeaten into contributing a litter box.

- Always get specifics, especially in the areas of child discipline, sexual behavior, alcohol and drug use, past diagnoses, and cultural and religious beliefs. “One drink” may mean “one glass of wine.” It may also mean “one liter of vodka.” “Spanking” may mean one swat across the butt. It may also mean “a blow to the head with a piece of wood.”

- If something tragic or traumatic happens to you, it’s better to cancel than to come in distracted and upset.

- Don’t voice an interpretation the first time it occurs to you. Sit with it and see if more supporting evidence turns up. Also, don’t get too attached to interpretations. It’s OK if clients reject them.

- Be aware that much of your fees in private practice will be eaten by office rent.

Incidentally, there’s a meme going around: “Pick up the nearest book to you. Turn to page 45. The first sentence describes your sex life in 2012.”

Using this book, I got: "In addition to a growing sense of confidence, it also helps to have crisis-situation action plans prepared in advance." Actually, this describes my sex life to date.

The Making of a Therapist: A Practical Guide for the Inner Journey

Attempting to get a jump on and also organize my required reading. Long.

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