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I'm a bit busy right now. I know this didn't come very high in the poll, but since it requires the least time spent formatting, it wins.
For the few of you who are interested in creating manga and haven't read the script already, I present the script for Project Blue Rose. 6000 words.
It's written in a very informal style, because it was intended to be read only by the artist drawing it. Some details (like what the main characters look like) are not described in the script, because we already had that conversation elsewhere. This is an expansion of an earlier, much shorter comic, so I sometimes refer to "what you did before."
Project Blue Rose
Written by Rachel Manija Brown
Illustrated by Stephanie Folse
Page 1, panel 1
Close on a man’s hand scrabbling at blood-spattered concrete, tendons standing out, desperate. Throughout this sequence, use sfx to indicate gasping, panting, a pounding heart, that sort of thing.
Narration: “There’s a man dying on the ground.”
Page 1, panel 2
A splash of blood.
Narration: “No, I can’t see his face. There’s blood everywhere.”
Page 1, panel 3
Pull back enough to see the form of a man sprawled on the ground, face down. His hands are braced on the ground, like he’s trying and failing to get up. Actually, we only ever see one of his hands clearly in this scene. That’s because we’re concealing the fact that it’s Rivas, who wears a distinctive ring on one hand. We might just see the hand and arm, maybe part of the body—just enough to convey what’s going on.
Narration: “Do people always struggle like that when they’re dying?”
Page 1, panel 4
Psychic Vision Abstract Shapes.
Narration: “Huh. I wouldn’t.”
Page 2, panel 1
Small insert panel of a government building.
Caption: “The Institute.” An undisclosed location, USA.
Page 2, panel 2
Jordan’s lounging sideways in the driver’s seat of a car, with the door open and his feet on the pavement, a book held closed in his lap. The feeling is very casual, cute, a bit high school-ish. We can probably see a bit of the parking lot and other surroundings. (The car probably shouldn’t be the same one we see later—I assume they’d fly out to Texas and pick one up there.)
Caption: Agent Kyle Jordan.
Jordan’s thought bubble: A few months ago I didn’t even know the Institute existed. Now they’re sending me on my first mission.
Page 2, panel 3
Tones.
Jordan’s thought bubble: I was flattered when they recruited me.
Page 2, panel 4
Flashback: black borders.
Jordan, in a formal FBI suit and slicked-back, regulation hair, listens to an off-panel speaker. (Or you could show the speaker too—it’s Magda Landers.)
Off-panel speaker: Because we think you’re talented, Mr. Jordan. And because we have an agent who needs a partner.
Page 3, panel 1
Continue flashback.
Jordan: What’s your policy on my personal life?
Off-panel speaker: Don’t have sex while you’re wearing a wire.
Page 3, panel 2
Back to Jordan in the car.
Jordan’s thought bubble: The Institute does top secret operations— illegal ones. Black ops.
It’s not like the FBI. Everything’s a secret. I wasn’t allowed into the briefing on my own mission.
Page 3, panel 3
Jordan’s got his hand in the book.
Jordan’s thought bubble: The agents are all loners. I guess that way we have nothing to worry about but our missions. And our partners.
Page 3, panel 4
Flowers (anything but roses.)
Jordan’s thought bubble: My new partner’s the biggest secret of all, with the mirrorshades that never come off and the past that never gets discussed.
Good-looking, though… One nice thing about black ops:
Page 3, panel 5
Puppy Jordan.
Jordan’s thought bubble: No regulation haircuts.
Page 4, panel 1
Rivas makes a dramatic, trench-coat flapping entrance.
Caption: Agent Joe Rivas.
Rivas: You’re in my seat.
Page 4, panel 2
Rivas hands the now-standing Jordan a file (a thin one) open to the photo of Nick Doe.
Rivas: This is Nicholas Doe— goes by Nick.
Page 4, panel 3
Close on the interior of the file, with Nick’s sad-faced photo.
Rivas (off-panel): He escaped from a facility in east Texas. They want him back alive, but better dead than at large.
Page 4, panel 4
Rivas and Jordan.
Rivas: Officially, we’re FBI agents and he’s a computer hacker.
Jordan: Nowadays they’re called hax0rz. H-A-X-zero-R-Z.
Page 5, panel 1
Rivas giving Jordan the evil… er… sunglasses.
Rivas: Are you even old enough to drink yet?
Page 5, panel 2
On Jordan.
Jordan: (thought bubble): I better not tell him about the time I went undercover at a high school.
Jordan: Rivas, how about we skip the “I hate my new partner” schtick and go straight to the male bonding?
Page 5, panel 3
Rivas is surprised into laughing.
Page 5, panel 4
On Jordan.
Jordan’s thought bubble: He can laugh!
Jordan: So who is this Nick Doe, really?
Page 5, panel 5
Rivas, too cool for words.
Rivas: At your clearance level? He’s one of those zero guys.
Page 6, panel 1
We’re in Vision Space again. Maybe we should have the weird vision abstract shapes in the transitions between panels every time we go in and out of Vision Space.
A limp, outflung woman’s hand in a muddy puddle, or her body lying dead.
Narration: “It’s Joe’s partner. The woman.”
Page 6, panel 2
A man’s hand holds the woman’s and feels for a pulse. We know it’s Rivas’s hand because we recognize his ring.
Narration: “I think… I think she’s dead. Don’t send her—“
Page 6, panel 3
The Vision Space abstract shapes.
Narration: “But I don’t know where they were. All I could see was rain.”
Page 7, panel 1
Small panel. Exterior of Heather-Anne’s diner.
Caption: Tyler, Texas, USA. Midnight.
Page 7, panel 2
Close on a pathetic assortment of small change held in the palm of someone’s (Nick’s) hand. Pennies, nickels, a solitary quarter— it all probably adds up to less than a dollar.
Scatter rosebuds and partially opened roses between panels and/or in the backgrounds of the scenes where Nick and Heather Anne are together. (Not in the flashback panels, and no fully open roses. I’m saving those for later.)
Page 7, panel 3
Wider view. Nick, in his semi-hospital whites, is in the kitchen/storage area of the diner, furtively scarfing down a donut from a tray. He’s neatly stacked his coins beside the tray, apparently as payment.
Page 7, panel 4
Even wider view. We now see that Heather-Anne is standing in the doorway.
Heather-Anne: Don’t be scared.
Page 8, panel 1
Nick drops the donut as he spins around to stare at her.
Page 8, panel 2
Nick and Heather-Anne, facing off.
Heather-Anne: They’d have been thrown away anyway. We bake them fresh every morning.
Page 8, panel 3
Nick’s still got his back against the wall, but he’s pathetically relieved by this. Break our hearts.
Nick: You’re not mad?
Page 8, panel 4
On Heather-Anne, so motherly and sweet.
Heather Anne: Why don’t you come eat at the counter? I’ll make you something. No charge.
Heather-Anne: Hey… did you run away from home?
Page 8, panel 5
Nick goes to follow her into the diner.
Nick: You could say that.
Page 9, panel 1
Caption: Brazos, Texas, USA.
Caption (in a different style from the first): Their third day on the road.
Rivas and Jordan are driving along a stretch of country road. They’re now both wearing suits. (Ties optional— only if they look good in them.) Rivas is driving. Jordan is tuning the radio, and has a Special Car Antenna laptop in his lap.
Radio: crackle crackle country truuuuucks… drive me hooooome… crackle crackle GOD is watching you… beware SATAN… crackle crackle where I beloooong…
Inset: Rivas’s hand covers Jordan’s to turn off the radio. This could look a bit intimate. ;)
Sfx: click
Page 9, panel 2
On Jordan. (If you do the many-question background, we should still see at least the last two questions in separate bubbles.)
Jordan: OK, but now you have to entertain me.
Jordan: What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Jordan: Were you serious when you said you wanted to try the barbecue in every county in Texas?
Jordan: Do you ever take your glasses off?
Page 9, panel 3
On Rivas; Jordan is offpage but reflected in his mirrorshades.
Rivas: Never.
Page 9, panel 4
Chibi Jordan imagines Rivas in shower with sunglasses.
Chibi Jordan: N-never?
Page 10, panel 1
Jordan’s hand sneaks out to the radio dial. Rivas slaps it.
Jordan: Ow!
Rivas: Don’t you have work to do?
Page 10, panel 2
Jordan’s POV of the laptop screen, which is turned away from Rivas. It’s gone to screen saver, and is completely filled with your choice of a) a photorealistic trace of some male hottie like the ones in that thread of homasse’s, if you remember that, b) two hot guys making out. If you want to be really in-jokey, you could do Band Hakkai and Gojyo kissing.
Rivas (probably off-panel): All those blurry pictures the facial recognition program pulls out of all those fuzzy surveillance tapes…
Rivas: You must need intense… silent concentration.
Page 10, panel 3
I don’t know if you can do this, but it would be really cool to do a screen capture of a blurry face, or partial face mostly hidden behind something else, with Jordan’s face superimposed on it, reflected off the laptop screen.
Jordan (totally oblivious): Nah, I work better when I multi-task.
Page 10, panel 4
On Rivas.
Caption pointing to Rivas: Would rather be in a torture-resistance workshop.
Page 10, panel 5
On Jordan.
Jordan: I know there’s things you can’t tell me.
Page 11, panel 1
Rivas continues driving, impassive, as Jordan talks offpanel.
Jordan: But you’ve got to give me more to work with.
Jordan: No social security number, no friends and associates— no name— you can’t tell me the Institute has nothing on this guy but a bad photo and an alias.
Page 11, panel 2
On both of them.
Rivas: If I had his social security number, I’d give it to you.
Jordan: But you know more than you’re saying, right?
Page 11, panel 3
Rivas looks back out at the scenery.
Rivas: I always know more than I say.
Page 11, panel 4
Another blurry video still on Jordan’s laptop, labeled “Dillard’s, Tyler, Texas,” and a timestamp. There, mostly hidden behind others but with a bit of his distinctive hair visible, is someone who just might be Nick Doe.
Jordan: So, Rivas. You ever had barbecue in Tyler?
Page 12, panel 1
Small panel. Exterior Heather-Anne’s diner. Late night.
Page 12, panel 2
Diner interior. Heather-Anne is behind the counter, leaning over it, talking to Nick. He’s at the counter, eating a slice of pie and drinking coffee. No one else is there.
Heather-Anne: And this crazy guy who’s always ranting about the CIA being after him and aliens monitoring his thoughts— he tips thirty percent, every time. Forty if I say I hate the government, too.
Heather-Anne: ‘Course, he only ever orders three slices of pie.
Page 12, panel 3
On Nick, listening dreamily as Heather-Anne blathers on off-page.
Heather-Anne: Plus I’m a night owl, so I like the evening shift.
Heather-Anne: You must be one too, huh? You’re so pale.
Page 12, panel 4
Heather-Anne refills Nick’s mug.
Heather-Anne: Or maybe you’re a vampire. Do vampires drink… coffee?
Page 12, panel 5
Nick looks at his reflection in the coffee in his mug.
Page 13, panel 1
Nick meets Heather-Anne’s eyes.
Nick: The truth is… I promise you I’m not dangerous, but…
Nick: I escaped from an institution.
Page 13, panel 2
Nick’s narration here and throughout the following flashback sequence is not in normal speech bubbles, but in the same boxes you use for the psychic visions. If the readers are sharp, they’ll pick up that a) he’s not actually telling this story to Heather-Anne, and b) Nick’s the psychic vision guy. (If they’re not sharp, they’ll learn all that at the end of the sequence instead of at the beginning.)
This panel is just Nick’s narration over blooming roses.
Nick: They called it Project Blue Rose. Roses don’t have a gene for blue. If you want one that color, you have to create it in a lab.
Nick: They told me this part of Texas is famous for rose fields, but I never saw them till now. They’re beautiful.
Page 13, panel 3
Black borders. This is a flashback.
A bunch of little kids— ages eight to ten, say, and about eight to ten of them— are sitting around a cafeteria table. If it’s possible to show at least one of them totally from the back, we could see a little boy with a black braid or ponytail; but since we don’t want to tip off the reader yet that Rivas was one of the Project Blue Rose kids, only do it if we can make sure we don’t see his face, and he’s not highlighted any more than the rest of them. (Because of the giveaway sunglasses or cat eyes.) Since this will now be seen in much more detail, the kids should be multiracial (so I’ll have lots of possibilities to work with later, when we see some more of them grown up) and none of them should look obviously mutated (though we don’t see them all clearly.)
A little girl is levitating a glass of milk over Little Nick’s head. It’s tipping like she’s about to pour it over his head. Nick’s cowering in mock fear, the other kids are laughing, the little girl is concentrating hard. They look happy.
The little girl is Hispanic (well, just don’t make her blonde) and named Chely—we’ll see her later, so give her a distinctive hairdo or otherwise make her visually memorable.
Nick: They wanted to create super soldiers, super assassins, psychic spies.
Page 14, panel 1
Continue flashback. It’s now several years later. Chely, now about thirteen, sits on a bed with Amber, same age. They’re giving each other manicures.
Nick: Chely could move things if they were lightweight and not too far away, and Amber could walk through walls.
Page 14, panel 2
Chely picks up Amber’s hand and spreads her fingers.
Nick: I saw it happen… thirty seconds after it was all over.
Nick: I can see the future too. But I can’t change it.
Page 14, panel 3
Chely buffs Amber’s nails.
Nick: It was an accident. Before we hit puberty we hadn’t been able to enhance each other’s powers.
Page 14, panel 4
Chely is still holding Amber’s hand. Chely gestures with her other hand, levitating the nail polish bottle toward her. There’s a flash of light where the girls’ hands meet.
Nick: When Chely used her power, it went out of control. The entire room exploded.
Nick: Chely was in rehab for two years, and they never even found Amber’s body.
Nick: It could have happened to any of us.
Page 14, panel 5
Tones.
Nick: So they separated us all.
Page 15, panel 1
Thirteen-year-old Nick in a cozy apartment, all by himself. Do the next four down the side of the page vertically as part of the surveillance cam film strip: the same scene with variations.
Nick: We promised not to use our powers when we were around each other.
Page 15, panel 2
Film strip.
Nick: But I can’t control when my visions come.
Page 15, panel 3
Film strip.
Nick: They were afraid.
Page 15, panel 4
Film strip.
Nick: And so was I.
Page 15, panel 5
Roses, covering the rest of the page.
Nick: I see the others all the time, but only in my mind.
All my visions are of the Project Blue Rose kids. They used me to keep tabs on the others— the other blue roses.
Page 16, panel 1
End flashback. The exact same panel as 13/1, except with a different speech bubble.
Heather-Anne (off-panel): …Nick? What sort of institution? Why were you there?
Page 16, panel 2
On Nick, silent, wondering what to say.
Page 16, panel 3
On Nick, deciding not to say anything stupid that might, oh, get her killed.
Nick: A mental hospital. I was depressed.
Page 16, panel 4
Small set-up panel: the car on the road. Evening. Leave a break between the last panel and this one, so we know time has passed.
Caption: Tyler, Texas, USA
Page 16, panel 5
Jordan’s fiddling with the radio again. The lyrics continue from panel to panel until the radio gets turned off— you don’t have to include all of it.
Radio: Oops! I crashed it again/My daddy’s new car/Into the reservoir
Page 17, panel 1
Rivas has reached the end of human endurance.
Rivas: Jordan?
Jordan: Yeah?
Radio: Ooh baby baby/Oops! You took it away
Page 17, panel 2
Rivas: If you turn off the radio, I’ll talk to you.
Jordan: OK!
Radio: My driver’s licence/Till I’m old and gray
Inset:
Jordan turns off the radio.
Radio: Ooh baby ba—
Sfx: click
Page 17, panel 3
Jordan is so thrilled at the thought of Rivas talking to him that he turns into a puppy.
Jordan: Which did you like better, Dr. Bogly Dogly’s Homestyle Texas Barbeque, or Mo Better Meaty Meat-Eaters—
Page 17, panel 4
Rivas pulls into a parking lot.
Rivas: Oops! We’re here.
If we see Jordan, he’s glaring as hard as he is capable of.
Page 17, panel 5
Wider view as the men get out of the car. They’ve pulled into the parking lot of Heather-Anne’s diner.
Page 18, panel 1
Wide view of the diner as absolutely everyone inside turns to stare at the trench-coated Feds as they make their dramatic entrance. Heather-Anne, who’s serving a paranoid old whacko the foreshadowed three slices of pie, is especially perturbed. So is the whacko.
Page 18, panel 2
Jordan and Rivas have approached the register lady, whose eyes are about ready to pop out of her head. They flash badges.
Rivas: Hello, ma’am. I’m Joe Rivas, and this is Kyle Jordan.
Page 18, panel 3
The whacko starts to slink from his table, looking incredibly furtive.
Rivas (off-panel): We’d like to ask if you or any of your employees have seen this man.
Page 18, panel 4
Jordan notices the whacko taking off.
Jordan: Excuse me—
Page 19, panel 1
The whacko yanks a great big gun out of his pants.
Page 19, panel 2
As Heather-Anne starts to dash out of the way, the whacko grabs her by one arm and takes her hostage.
Heather-Anne: AIIIIIIIEEEEE!
Whacko: Everybody freeze!
Page 19, panel 3
The whacko, ranting psychotically.
Whacko: I always knew you’d come after me with your black trench coats and black helicopters, doing secret government experiments on innocent civilians—
Whacko: And those big-eyed little alien babies you keep in jars—
Page 19, panel 4
Jordan and Rivas look at each other.
Jordan and Rivas’s shared thought bubble: Uh-oh.
Rivas (teeny letters; quiet): You negotiate.
Jordan: Sir, the waitress is an innocent civilian--
Page 19, panel 5
The whacko hits a new level of psychosis. Grabbing Heather-Anne’s hair ornament—
Whacko: Then what’s this transmitter doing in her hair?!
Optionally, Heather-Anne screams.
Inset
The whacko’s finger tightening on the trigger.
Page 20-21
Splash page. Basically, just recreate what you did the last time with the new circumstance: things falling in slow motion, Rivas leaping like Batman, someone (probably Jordan) thinking, “So fast!” Rivas taking down the whacko. Maybe we see the gun going off harmlessly into the ceiling.
If it’s possible to show this, this is what Jordan’s doing (maybe this can take the place of the coffee cup or door falling in slow motion, or go along with it): He pulls out his gun… and fires… and the bullet hits the wall behind the empty space where the whacko’s head was an instant ago, before Rivas took him down.
Sfx: (as appropriate) BANG! Crash! Clatter! Slam! Etc!
Page 22, panel 1
Establishing shot of the interior of the diner. The whacko has been removed and there’s regular cops talking to the patrons. Jordan is in the background talking to two cops. In the foreground, Rivas is talking to a nervous Heather Anne. He also has Nick’s picture out. Make it clear that Jordan and Rivas are on opposite ends of the room and can’t hear each other. Or just do it the way you did last time.
Caption: Forty-five minutes later.
Page 22, panel 2
Focused on Jordan and the two cops.
Cop # 1: Why are the witnesses all telling me your partner’s Superman?
Jordan: They were scared. He saved the day.
Page 22, panel 3
Jordan turns to the other cop.
Jordan: He’s fast. But he’s not some mutant nanotech cyborg super-speed guy.
Cop # 2: Heh-heh.
Page 22, panel 4
Heather Anne is holding Nick’s picture now, looking indecisive. Try to imply in this panel and the last that she and Rivas have been talking for a while.
Heather Anne: I told you, I don’t know… I mean…
Rivas: We don’t want to arrest him.
Rivas: If he’ll stop writing viruses, we’ll give him a job with us.
Page 22, panel 5
Rivas holds out his card to her. He’s written something on the back of it.
Rivas: Please give him this note. Tell him it’s from Joe Rivas. We’ve spoken before.
Page 22, panel 6
Jordan and Rivas are heading out the door.
Jordan: The cops haven’t got any leads. What about the girl?
Rivas: I gave her my card. She said she’d ask her friends.
Page 23, panel 1
Psychic vision shapes.
Nick’s narration: Chely’s an assassin now. She can move a piece of glass into your throat, or break a blood vessel inside your brain.
Page 23, panel 2
Night. A woman stands outside a door. This is the grown-up Chely, now Rivas’ age. She’s got braces on both legs, and is leaning on a cane with one hand while she rings the doorbell with the other. Maybe some scars on her face, and/or an eyepatch, but in the traditional manga way of portraying such things, so she looks dashing rather than hideously deformed.
Nick’s narration: I miss her.
Page 23, panel 3
Rivas opens the door. He seems to have been getting ready for bed, and is wearing sweat pants and no shirt.
Rivas: Chely. You OK?
Chely: Just tired. It was a hard one this time.
Page 23, panel 4
Chely leans against the doorframe, exhausted.
Chely: I know it’s Saturday night, but—
Rivas: I’m not doing anything. You can have the bed.
Page 23, panel 5
Psychic vision shapes.
Nick’s narration: We’re not supposed to talk to each other.
Nick’s narration: I could tell on them. Why should they have their freedom and even get to see each other, when I have nothing?
Page 24, panel 1
Chely, alone in Rivas’ bed and apparently wearing Rivas’ pajama top, puts a little stand-up framed photo of thirteen-year-old Amber on the nightstand.
Chely: Goodnight, honey. Still miss you.
Page 24, panel 2
Wide shot of Rivas’ living room, which is spare, barren, impersonal. He’s sitting on the sofa, doing nothing, apparently staring at the blank wall across from him. Or if you think of some similar thing that would better convey an Edward Hopper-esque vibe of horrible loneliness and angst, do that instead.
Nick’s narration: But then I see more. And I keep their secrets.
Page 24, panel 3
Blank space before this panel; some time has passed since the diner episode. The car’s once more driving down the country roads. Later that night.
Page 24, panel 4
Jordan is asleep in the passenger seat with bags of take-out barbecue in his lap. His seat’s still fully upright, so he’s drooping forward, only held up by his shoulder belt, and looks really uncomfortable.
Page 24, panel 5
Rivas glances at him with something that, if you squint, might resemble tenderness.
Page 24, panel 6
Rivas reaches over and tilts Jordan’s seat back.
Page 25, panel 1
Exterior skanky motel. Still yet later that night.
Page 25, panel 2
Interior skanky motel. Jordan and Rivas are eating takeout barbecue in Jordan’s room.
Jordan: So… Obviously you’re some kind of mutant nanotech cyborg super-speed—
Page 25, panel 3
Rivas holds up a hand to shut him up.
Rivas: The Institute made some modifications to me. That’s all.
Page 25, panel 4
Jordan practically leaps up and down with excitement
Jordan’s thought bubble: COOL!
Jordan: Who do I talk to about getting modified?
Rivas: Wait for version 2.0. Mine hasn’t got the bugs out.
Page 25, panel 5
Jordan: So what went wrong with your eyes?
Jordan: Is it just light sensitivity, or is it something worse?
Jordan: Would they be damaged if you took off your shades?
Page 25, panel 6
Rivas gets up to clear his plate. Major avoidance here.
Page 26, panel 1
Jordan gets serious, maybe steps in front of him.
Jordan: I’m your partner, Rivas. I need to know.
Jordan: You didn’t tell me about the super-speed thing. You didn’t warn me you were going to jump the guy.
Jordan: I could’ve shot you.
Page 26, panel 2
Rivas turns around.
Rivas: That was a perfect head-shot, by the way.
Page 26, panel 3
Rivas sits down on the bed, with his feet on the floor.
Rivas: I can see things that are moving really fast. And I can see in the dark.
Rivas: But I can’t see well without the shades, and not at all in bright light.
Page 26, panel 4
Jordan sits on the bed too, but with his feet on it and shoes kicked off.
Jordan: But it’s worth it, right?
Page 26, panel 5
Flashback. Black borders. A surveillance camera film strip shot, but this time it’s of teenage Rivas, hair in a braid or ponytail, like Nick, alone in a room.
Jordan (off-page, continued): You can do things no one else can do.
Page 27, panel 1
Another flashback. Older teenage Rivas in a laboratory, hooked up to unpleasant-looking machines testing something or other.
Jordan (off-page; continued): I’m always struggling, you know? I’ve logged thousands of hours at the firing range.
Page 27, panel 2
Another flashback. Rivas carrying his dead partner, the blonde woman, through the rain.
Jordan (off-page; continued): And I’d still give anything to be better than I am.
Page 27, panel 3
Back in the motel room.
Jordan (continued): I’m nothing special. I just try hard.
Jordan: It must be nice to not have to try so hard.
Page 27, panel 4
Rivas taps him on the shoulder.
Rivas: Jordan?
Jordan: Yeah?
Rivas: Stop trying so hard.
Page 27, panel 5
Rivas stands up.
Rivas: We should get some sleep.
Page 27, panel 6
Jordan has caught Rivas by the sleeve. With his other hand, he traces letters across Rivas’s palm. S-T-A-Y-?
Page 28, panel 1
Rivas is closing the door. That is, he’s opened and closed it, but is still inside.
Sfx: slam
Page 28, panel 2
Rivas has his shirt off and is taking off and deactivating the wire he was wearing underneath.
Sfx: click
Page 28, panel 3
Posed oh-so-casually against the door.
Rivas: So, what did you want to tell me?
Page 28, panel 4
Jordan’s nonplussed, his shirt off and his wire dangling from his hand. Sweatdrop. He’s got a couple of scars, nothing too serious-looking— he shouldn’t look like Vash the Stampede— but enough to suggest that he’s been around the block a time or two. Rivas does not appear to have any.
Jordan: T-tell…?
Page 29, panel 1
Rivas: And people say I can’t take a joke. Come here.
Page 29, panel 2
The men are kissing. Rivas might have his back against the wall.
Page 30, panel 1
Still kissing. Jordan runs his fingers through Rivas’ hair.
Page 30, panel 2
Jordan reaches for Rivas’s mirrorshades to take them off.
Jordan: Take off your shades? I can turn off the lights.
Page 30, panel 3
Rivas catches Jordan’s hand to stop him.
Rivas: No.
Page 31, panel 1
Rivas traces a little scar on Jordan’s collarbone.
Rivas: Didn’t dodge fast enough, I see. Careless boy.
Page 31, panel 2
Jordan is having a hard time focusing on what Rivas is saying.
Jordan: Th- that is not what that’s from.
Page 31, panel 3
Rivas finds another scar, this one near Jordan’s nipple. With his mouth close to it:
Rivas: Didn’t obey the speed limit.
Jordan: That was a hostage situation!
Page 32, panel 1
Close-up on Jordan— Rivas is apparently doing something to him off-panel.
Jordan: Ah!
Page 32, panel 2
Jordan realizes something and pulls away a bit.
Jordan: Hey… don’t you have any scars?
Page 32, panel 3
Wider view of both men, shirts off, hair mussed, so hot the page is about to spontaneously combust…
Rivas: Look harder.
Page 33, panel 1
Jordan presses his lips against Rivas’ chest, sliding down.
Page 33, panel 2
Jordan’s nuzzling Rivas’ treasure trail (I don’t know if that’s a California-ism—it’s the line of hair that runs straight down the belly).
Page 33, panel 3
Rivas strokes Jordan’s hair.
Page 33, panel 4
On Rivas, still standing, his head thrown back.
Inset: Rivas’s ring-hand clutching Jordan’s shoulder.
Page 34, panel 1
The motel room. Perhaps the moon can be seen through a window. Rivas, fully dressed, stands looking down at the sleeping Jordan.
Inset: A note on the table by the bed. We don’t have to be able to read the words, but we should see that Rivas has drawn a map.
Alternate: use the two panels you already have, showing Jordan asleep at 3:00 am, then waking up to find the map.
Page 34, panel 2
Vision space.
Nick’s narration: If I was spying any other way, I could close my eyes.
Page 34, panel 3
Rivas with J. Anonymous Hustler. We probably just see this from the chest up, but they’re fucking against the graffitied wall of some nasty alley. The hustler’s cheek is pressed into the wall, and Rivas has his wrists pinned against the wall too, up over his head. It doesn’t get any more sordid than this. A total contrast to how he was with Jordan.
Nick’s narration: I’m tired of other people’s secrets.
Page 34, panel 4
Rivas hands the hustler some cash.
Nick’s narration: I can never tell any more if I’m jealous or sad.
Page 35, panel 1
Some sort of geographical marker in or in front of a rose field. (Because Rivas presumably gave Nick a specific location to meet him at.) A water tower would be good, if they have those in Texas rose fields. Maybe they’re on the road in front of a field, at a street sign or crossroad.
Nick and Rivas face each other. This is the wide, aerial view.
Page 35, panel 2
Rivas holds his shirt open: no wire.
Rivas: It’s OK: I’m not wired.
Rivas: Why’d you run?
Page 35, panel 3
Close on Nick; falling rose petals.
Nick: I had a vision of myself. I was drinking coffee with a pretty girl. It seemed worth it.
Nick: It was.
Page 35, panel 4
They face each other across the rose bushes.
Rivas: I wish I could let you go. But they’d just send someone else.
Nick: Just give me a chance.
Page 35, panel 5
Rivas comes a bit closer.
Rivas: Forget it, Nick. It’s time to go.
Page 35, panel 6
Nick pulls out a gun.
Nick: Back off!
Page 36, panel 1
Rivas is totally not intimidated.
Rivas: Where’d you get that?
Page 36, panel 2
A little tremor in Nick’s hands, if you can indicate that. He’s obviously never held a gun before.
Nick: Stole it out of some guy’s truck with anti-government bumper stickers all over it.
Page 36, panel 3
Rivas holds out his hand for it.
Rivas: Take your finger off the trigger. Your hands are shaking.
Page 36, panel 4
Vision shapes start to blend into a close-up of Nick’s face.
Nick’s thought bubble: Not now! I can’t have a vision now!
Page 37, panel 1
Rivas’s point of view: Nick, looking spaced-out, lets his gun-hand lower a bit, though it’s still aimed forward at Rivas.
Rivas: Nick? I can have it, then?
Page 37, panel 2
Rivas takes Nick’s hand in one of his, to take the gun away with the other.
Page 37, panel 3
Close-up on their hands as Rivas’ touches Nick’s. A flash of light, as when Chely and Amber’s hands touched.
Rivas’ thought bubble: So bright!
Page 37, panel 4
Blinding light.
Sfx: BANG
Page 38, panel 1
Back in the rose field. Rivas is on the ground, bleeding. Nick bends over him.
Nick: Did I do that?
Nick: Joe? Joe, I didn’t mean—
Page 38, panel 2
Jordan comes tearing into the field.
Page 38, panel 3
Close on Nick, hearing his footsteps.
Page 38, panel 4
Jordan pulls his gun.
Page 38, panel 5
Jordan’s point of view: Rivas on the ground and Nick running like hell.
Page 38, panel 6
Jordan is kneeling by Rivas, talking on his cell phone. I think he should have one hand over Rivas’ chest, suggesting that he’s done some kind of first aid or is at least trying to stop the bleeding.
Jordan: …Yes. The southwest corner of the rose field off of FM 158.
Page 38, panel 7
Dramatic close-up on Jordan.
Page 39, panel 1
Rose petals fall all through this page.
Jordan’s searching the rose field, gun in hand. We may or may not be able to see the black helicopter taking off in the distance or already in the sky.
Jordan: Nick! Nick! I don’t want to hurt you!
Nick (offpage): Let’s talk.
Page 39, panel 2
Nick and Jordan face each other across the roses, in a standoff.
Jordan: Give me the gun, Nick.
Nick: I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
Page 39, panel 3
Jordan: I know that.
Page 39, panel 4
Flashback: black border. About five minutes earlier. Jordan’s bending over Rivas, who’s regained consciousness.
Rivas: …Accident.
Rivas: Hold your fire.
Page 39, panel 5
Nick: I always liked Joe, back when we were kids together.
Nick: You never know how blue roses will grow. He and I are the same age. I might live forever… forever in a cage.
Page 39, panel 6
Nothing but the dialogue box, and maybe roses.
Nick: I hope I didn’t kill him.
Nick: Tell me: have you seen Joe’s eyes yet?
Page 40, panel 1
Nick and Jordan, rose bushes in between them.
Jordan: No.
Nick: He’ll live, then. That’s good.
Page 40, panel 2
Close on Nick.
Nick: I’m modified too. I have visions.
Page 40, panel 3
Just text.
Nick: He touched me when I was having one. It boosted my power.
Nick: I saw my entire future. Locked up underground, watching terrible things happen that I can’t change.
Nick: It’s pretty here.
Page 40, panel 4
Nick turns the gun to point up under his chin.
Nick: Tell him I’m sorry.
Page 40, panel 5
Jordan lunges for him.
Jordan: NO!
Page 40, panel 6
A flash of light—not the same one you use for the Project Blue Rose power-combining effect.
Sfx: BANG
Page 41, panel 1
Jordan’s got Nick down on his back on the ground and is lying on top of him, pinning his hands. Their faces are very close. Rip this off from the Saiyuki panel of volume 5 where Gojyo’s leaning into Hakkai’s face with his hair dangling down, while Hakkai stares back up, startled. A really intense vibe here.
The gunshot grazed Jordan’s temple, so a little blood drips from his face on to Nick’s.
Jordan: I’m changing your future.
Page 41, panel 2
Jordan yanks Nick to his feet.
Jordan: Now get the hell out of here.
Page 41, panel 3
Close up on Nick, shocked speechless.
Jordan (off-panel): Go!
Page 41, panel 4
Nick starts running.
Page 42, panel 1
Splash page. Some time later. Jordan’s holding Rivas in his arms. In the background, a black helicopter is coming in for a landing. Rose petals falling down (we’re such a pair of soppy romantics.)
Rivas: Sorry…
Rivas: Couldn’t lose… another partner….
Jordan: Me neither.
Page 43, panel 1
A hospital room with a security camera, probably disguised as a light fixture or heating vent. Rivas is in a hospital bed, unconscious, his chest bandaged, hooked up to an IV drip and maybe a heart monitor. He’s not wearing his glasses. Don’t do the usual manga thing where characters who’ve been wounded are still glamorous but with bandages—really make him look like he’s been through hell. You might try subtly making his bones a little more prominent, like he’s lost weight.
Jordan is sitting in a chair by his bedside, reading a book. He’s halfway through it and has presumably been there for hours. He’s got a little butterfly-closure type bandage at his temple.
Caption: An Institute hospital. An undisclosed location, USA.
Inset: The view from the security camera.
Page 43, panel 2
Close on Rivas. His eyes open. The pupils are slitted like a cat’s.
Page 43, panel 3
Jordan looks at him, but does not seem shocked. He holds up Rivas’s mirrorshades.
Jordan: The doctors took them off, but I figured you’d want them back.
Inset: Rivas’s hand reaches up, trembling.
Page 43, panel 4
Jordan puts the shades on for him.
Page 44, panel 1
Jordan still has his hands at Rivas’ face.
Rivas: They don’t bother you?
Jordan: Nah. But if you ever sneak off on me again, I’ll shoot you myself.
Page 44, panel 2
Rivas grins, teasing.
Rivas: Sorry if I made you feel cheap.
Page 44, panel 3
Jordan shifts his weight, carefully, casually, maybe glancing over his shoulder.
Inset: The view from the security camera. Jordan’s back is now partially blocking the view of the bed.
Page 44, panel 4
Hidden from prying eyes, Jordan takes Rivas’s hand. In the background, roses bloom.
The end
For the few of you who are interested in creating manga and haven't read the script already, I present the script for Project Blue Rose. 6000 words.
It's written in a very informal style, because it was intended to be read only by the artist drawing it. Some details (like what the main characters look like) are not described in the script, because we already had that conversation elsewhere. This is an expansion of an earlier, much shorter comic, so I sometimes refer to "what you did before."
Project Blue Rose
Written by Rachel Manija Brown
Illustrated by Stephanie Folse
Page 1, panel 1
Close on a man’s hand scrabbling at blood-spattered concrete, tendons standing out, desperate. Throughout this sequence, use sfx to indicate gasping, panting, a pounding heart, that sort of thing.
Narration: “There’s a man dying on the ground.”
Page 1, panel 2
A splash of blood.
Narration: “No, I can’t see his face. There’s blood everywhere.”
Page 1, panel 3
Pull back enough to see the form of a man sprawled on the ground, face down. His hands are braced on the ground, like he’s trying and failing to get up. Actually, we only ever see one of his hands clearly in this scene. That’s because we’re concealing the fact that it’s Rivas, who wears a distinctive ring on one hand. We might just see the hand and arm, maybe part of the body—just enough to convey what’s going on.
Narration: “Do people always struggle like that when they’re dying?”
Page 1, panel 4
Psychic Vision Abstract Shapes.
Narration: “Huh. I wouldn’t.”
Page 2, panel 1
Small insert panel of a government building.
Caption: “The Institute.” An undisclosed location, USA.
Page 2, panel 2
Jordan’s lounging sideways in the driver’s seat of a car, with the door open and his feet on the pavement, a book held closed in his lap. The feeling is very casual, cute, a bit high school-ish. We can probably see a bit of the parking lot and other surroundings. (The car probably shouldn’t be the same one we see later—I assume they’d fly out to Texas and pick one up there.)
Caption: Agent Kyle Jordan.
Jordan’s thought bubble: A few months ago I didn’t even know the Institute existed. Now they’re sending me on my first mission.
Page 2, panel 3
Tones.
Jordan’s thought bubble: I was flattered when they recruited me.
Page 2, panel 4
Flashback: black borders.
Jordan, in a formal FBI suit and slicked-back, regulation hair, listens to an off-panel speaker. (Or you could show the speaker too—it’s Magda Landers.)
Off-panel speaker: Because we think you’re talented, Mr. Jordan. And because we have an agent who needs a partner.
Page 3, panel 1
Continue flashback.
Jordan: What’s your policy on my personal life?
Off-panel speaker: Don’t have sex while you’re wearing a wire.
Page 3, panel 2
Back to Jordan in the car.
Jordan’s thought bubble: The Institute does top secret operations— illegal ones. Black ops.
It’s not like the FBI. Everything’s a secret. I wasn’t allowed into the briefing on my own mission.
Page 3, panel 3
Jordan’s got his hand in the book.
Jordan’s thought bubble: The agents are all loners. I guess that way we have nothing to worry about but our missions. And our partners.
Page 3, panel 4
Flowers (anything but roses.)
Jordan’s thought bubble: My new partner’s the biggest secret of all, with the mirrorshades that never come off and the past that never gets discussed.
Good-looking, though… One nice thing about black ops:
Page 3, panel 5
Puppy Jordan.
Jordan’s thought bubble: No regulation haircuts.
Page 4, panel 1
Rivas makes a dramatic, trench-coat flapping entrance.
Caption: Agent Joe Rivas.
Rivas: You’re in my seat.
Page 4, panel 2
Rivas hands the now-standing Jordan a file (a thin one) open to the photo of Nick Doe.
Rivas: This is Nicholas Doe— goes by Nick.
Page 4, panel 3
Close on the interior of the file, with Nick’s sad-faced photo.
Rivas (off-panel): He escaped from a facility in east Texas. They want him back alive, but better dead than at large.
Page 4, panel 4
Rivas and Jordan.
Rivas: Officially, we’re FBI agents and he’s a computer hacker.
Jordan: Nowadays they’re called hax0rz. H-A-X-zero-R-Z.
Page 5, panel 1
Rivas giving Jordan the evil… er… sunglasses.
Rivas: Are you even old enough to drink yet?
Page 5, panel 2
On Jordan.
Jordan: (thought bubble): I better not tell him about the time I went undercover at a high school.
Jordan: Rivas, how about we skip the “I hate my new partner” schtick and go straight to the male bonding?
Page 5, panel 3
Rivas is surprised into laughing.
Page 5, panel 4
On Jordan.
Jordan’s thought bubble: He can laugh!
Jordan: So who is this Nick Doe, really?
Page 5, panel 5
Rivas, too cool for words.
Rivas: At your clearance level? He’s one of those zero guys.
Page 6, panel 1
We’re in Vision Space again. Maybe we should have the weird vision abstract shapes in the transitions between panels every time we go in and out of Vision Space.
A limp, outflung woman’s hand in a muddy puddle, or her body lying dead.
Narration: “It’s Joe’s partner. The woman.”
Page 6, panel 2
A man’s hand holds the woman’s and feels for a pulse. We know it’s Rivas’s hand because we recognize his ring.
Narration: “I think… I think she’s dead. Don’t send her—“
Page 6, panel 3
The Vision Space abstract shapes.
Narration: “But I don’t know where they were. All I could see was rain.”
Page 7, panel 1
Small panel. Exterior of Heather-Anne’s diner.
Caption: Tyler, Texas, USA. Midnight.
Page 7, panel 2
Close on a pathetic assortment of small change held in the palm of someone’s (Nick’s) hand. Pennies, nickels, a solitary quarter— it all probably adds up to less than a dollar.
Scatter rosebuds and partially opened roses between panels and/or in the backgrounds of the scenes where Nick and Heather Anne are together. (Not in the flashback panels, and no fully open roses. I’m saving those for later.)
Page 7, panel 3
Wider view. Nick, in his semi-hospital whites, is in the kitchen/storage area of the diner, furtively scarfing down a donut from a tray. He’s neatly stacked his coins beside the tray, apparently as payment.
Page 7, panel 4
Even wider view. We now see that Heather-Anne is standing in the doorway.
Heather-Anne: Don’t be scared.
Page 8, panel 1
Nick drops the donut as he spins around to stare at her.
Page 8, panel 2
Nick and Heather-Anne, facing off.
Heather-Anne: They’d have been thrown away anyway. We bake them fresh every morning.
Page 8, panel 3
Nick’s still got his back against the wall, but he’s pathetically relieved by this. Break our hearts.
Nick: You’re not mad?
Page 8, panel 4
On Heather-Anne, so motherly and sweet.
Heather Anne: Why don’t you come eat at the counter? I’ll make you something. No charge.
Heather-Anne: Hey… did you run away from home?
Page 8, panel 5
Nick goes to follow her into the diner.
Nick: You could say that.
Page 9, panel 1
Caption: Brazos, Texas, USA.
Caption (in a different style from the first): Their third day on the road.
Rivas and Jordan are driving along a stretch of country road. They’re now both wearing suits. (Ties optional— only if they look good in them.) Rivas is driving. Jordan is tuning the radio, and has a Special Car Antenna laptop in his lap.
Radio: crackle crackle country truuuuucks… drive me hooooome… crackle crackle GOD is watching you… beware SATAN… crackle crackle where I beloooong…
Inset: Rivas’s hand covers Jordan’s to turn off the radio. This could look a bit intimate. ;)
Sfx: click
Page 9, panel 2
On Jordan. (If you do the many-question background, we should still see at least the last two questions in separate bubbles.)
Jordan: OK, but now you have to entertain me.
Jordan: What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Jordan: Were you serious when you said you wanted to try the barbecue in every county in Texas?
Jordan: Do you ever take your glasses off?
Page 9, panel 3
On Rivas; Jordan is offpage but reflected in his mirrorshades.
Rivas: Never.
Page 9, panel 4
Chibi Jordan imagines Rivas in shower with sunglasses.
Chibi Jordan: N-never?
Page 10, panel 1
Jordan’s hand sneaks out to the radio dial. Rivas slaps it.
Jordan: Ow!
Rivas: Don’t you have work to do?
Page 10, panel 2
Jordan’s POV of the laptop screen, which is turned away from Rivas. It’s gone to screen saver, and is completely filled with your choice of a) a photorealistic trace of some male hottie like the ones in that thread of homasse’s, if you remember that, b) two hot guys making out. If you want to be really in-jokey, you could do Band Hakkai and Gojyo kissing.
Rivas (probably off-panel): All those blurry pictures the facial recognition program pulls out of all those fuzzy surveillance tapes…
Rivas: You must need intense… silent concentration.
Page 10, panel 3
I don’t know if you can do this, but it would be really cool to do a screen capture of a blurry face, or partial face mostly hidden behind something else, with Jordan’s face superimposed on it, reflected off the laptop screen.
Jordan (totally oblivious): Nah, I work better when I multi-task.
Page 10, panel 4
On Rivas.
Caption pointing to Rivas: Would rather be in a torture-resistance workshop.
Page 10, panel 5
On Jordan.
Jordan: I know there’s things you can’t tell me.
Page 11, panel 1
Rivas continues driving, impassive, as Jordan talks offpanel.
Jordan: But you’ve got to give me more to work with.
Jordan: No social security number, no friends and associates— no name— you can’t tell me the Institute has nothing on this guy but a bad photo and an alias.
Page 11, panel 2
On both of them.
Rivas: If I had his social security number, I’d give it to you.
Jordan: But you know more than you’re saying, right?
Page 11, panel 3
Rivas looks back out at the scenery.
Rivas: I always know more than I say.
Page 11, panel 4
Another blurry video still on Jordan’s laptop, labeled “Dillard’s, Tyler, Texas,” and a timestamp. There, mostly hidden behind others but with a bit of his distinctive hair visible, is someone who just might be Nick Doe.
Jordan: So, Rivas. You ever had barbecue in Tyler?
Page 12, panel 1
Small panel. Exterior Heather-Anne’s diner. Late night.
Page 12, panel 2
Diner interior. Heather-Anne is behind the counter, leaning over it, talking to Nick. He’s at the counter, eating a slice of pie and drinking coffee. No one else is there.
Heather-Anne: And this crazy guy who’s always ranting about the CIA being after him and aliens monitoring his thoughts— he tips thirty percent, every time. Forty if I say I hate the government, too.
Heather-Anne: ‘Course, he only ever orders three slices of pie.
Page 12, panel 3
On Nick, listening dreamily as Heather-Anne blathers on off-page.
Heather-Anne: Plus I’m a night owl, so I like the evening shift.
Heather-Anne: You must be one too, huh? You’re so pale.
Page 12, panel 4
Heather-Anne refills Nick’s mug.
Heather-Anne: Or maybe you’re a vampire. Do vampires drink… coffee?
Page 12, panel 5
Nick looks at his reflection in the coffee in his mug.
Page 13, panel 1
Nick meets Heather-Anne’s eyes.
Nick: The truth is… I promise you I’m not dangerous, but…
Nick: I escaped from an institution.
Page 13, panel 2
Nick’s narration here and throughout the following flashback sequence is not in normal speech bubbles, but in the same boxes you use for the psychic visions. If the readers are sharp, they’ll pick up that a) he’s not actually telling this story to Heather-Anne, and b) Nick’s the psychic vision guy. (If they’re not sharp, they’ll learn all that at the end of the sequence instead of at the beginning.)
This panel is just Nick’s narration over blooming roses.
Nick: They called it Project Blue Rose. Roses don’t have a gene for blue. If you want one that color, you have to create it in a lab.
Nick: They told me this part of Texas is famous for rose fields, but I never saw them till now. They’re beautiful.
Page 13, panel 3
Black borders. This is a flashback.
A bunch of little kids— ages eight to ten, say, and about eight to ten of them— are sitting around a cafeteria table. If it’s possible to show at least one of them totally from the back, we could see a little boy with a black braid or ponytail; but since we don’t want to tip off the reader yet that Rivas was one of the Project Blue Rose kids, only do it if we can make sure we don’t see his face, and he’s not highlighted any more than the rest of them. (Because of the giveaway sunglasses or cat eyes.) Since this will now be seen in much more detail, the kids should be multiracial (so I’ll have lots of possibilities to work with later, when we see some more of them grown up) and none of them should look obviously mutated (though we don’t see them all clearly.)
A little girl is levitating a glass of milk over Little Nick’s head. It’s tipping like she’s about to pour it over his head. Nick’s cowering in mock fear, the other kids are laughing, the little girl is concentrating hard. They look happy.
The little girl is Hispanic (well, just don’t make her blonde) and named Chely—we’ll see her later, so give her a distinctive hairdo or otherwise make her visually memorable.
Nick: They wanted to create super soldiers, super assassins, psychic spies.
Page 14, panel 1
Continue flashback. It’s now several years later. Chely, now about thirteen, sits on a bed with Amber, same age. They’re giving each other manicures.
Nick: Chely could move things if they were lightweight and not too far away, and Amber could walk through walls.
Page 14, panel 2
Chely picks up Amber’s hand and spreads her fingers.
Nick: I saw it happen… thirty seconds after it was all over.
Nick: I can see the future too. But I can’t change it.
Page 14, panel 3
Chely buffs Amber’s nails.
Nick: It was an accident. Before we hit puberty we hadn’t been able to enhance each other’s powers.
Page 14, panel 4
Chely is still holding Amber’s hand. Chely gestures with her other hand, levitating the nail polish bottle toward her. There’s a flash of light where the girls’ hands meet.
Nick: When Chely used her power, it went out of control. The entire room exploded.
Nick: Chely was in rehab for two years, and they never even found Amber’s body.
Nick: It could have happened to any of us.
Page 14, panel 5
Tones.
Nick: So they separated us all.
Page 15, panel 1
Thirteen-year-old Nick in a cozy apartment, all by himself. Do the next four down the side of the page vertically as part of the surveillance cam film strip: the same scene with variations.
Nick: We promised not to use our powers when we were around each other.
Page 15, panel 2
Film strip.
Nick: But I can’t control when my visions come.
Page 15, panel 3
Film strip.
Nick: They were afraid.
Page 15, panel 4
Film strip.
Nick: And so was I.
Page 15, panel 5
Roses, covering the rest of the page.
Nick: I see the others all the time, but only in my mind.
All my visions are of the Project Blue Rose kids. They used me to keep tabs on the others— the other blue roses.
Page 16, panel 1
End flashback. The exact same panel as 13/1, except with a different speech bubble.
Heather-Anne (off-panel): …Nick? What sort of institution? Why were you there?
Page 16, panel 2
On Nick, silent, wondering what to say.
Page 16, panel 3
On Nick, deciding not to say anything stupid that might, oh, get her killed.
Nick: A mental hospital. I was depressed.
Page 16, panel 4
Small set-up panel: the car on the road. Evening. Leave a break between the last panel and this one, so we know time has passed.
Caption: Tyler, Texas, USA
Page 16, panel 5
Jordan’s fiddling with the radio again. The lyrics continue from panel to panel until the radio gets turned off— you don’t have to include all of it.
Radio: Oops! I crashed it again/My daddy’s new car/Into the reservoir
Page 17, panel 1
Rivas has reached the end of human endurance.
Rivas: Jordan?
Jordan: Yeah?
Radio: Ooh baby baby/Oops! You took it away
Page 17, panel 2
Rivas: If you turn off the radio, I’ll talk to you.
Jordan: OK!
Radio: My driver’s licence/Till I’m old and gray
Inset:
Jordan turns off the radio.
Radio: Ooh baby ba—
Sfx: click
Page 17, panel 3
Jordan is so thrilled at the thought of Rivas talking to him that he turns into a puppy.
Jordan: Which did you like better, Dr. Bogly Dogly’s Homestyle Texas Barbeque, or Mo Better Meaty Meat-Eaters—
Page 17, panel 4
Rivas pulls into a parking lot.
Rivas: Oops! We’re here.
If we see Jordan, he’s glaring as hard as he is capable of.
Page 17, panel 5
Wider view as the men get out of the car. They’ve pulled into the parking lot of Heather-Anne’s diner.
Page 18, panel 1
Wide view of the diner as absolutely everyone inside turns to stare at the trench-coated Feds as they make their dramatic entrance. Heather-Anne, who’s serving a paranoid old whacko the foreshadowed three slices of pie, is especially perturbed. So is the whacko.
Page 18, panel 2
Jordan and Rivas have approached the register lady, whose eyes are about ready to pop out of her head. They flash badges.
Rivas: Hello, ma’am. I’m Joe Rivas, and this is Kyle Jordan.
Page 18, panel 3
The whacko starts to slink from his table, looking incredibly furtive.
Rivas (off-panel): We’d like to ask if you or any of your employees have seen this man.
Page 18, panel 4
Jordan notices the whacko taking off.
Jordan: Excuse me—
Page 19, panel 1
The whacko yanks a great big gun out of his pants.
Page 19, panel 2
As Heather-Anne starts to dash out of the way, the whacko grabs her by one arm and takes her hostage.
Heather-Anne: AIIIIIIIEEEEE!
Whacko: Everybody freeze!
Page 19, panel 3
The whacko, ranting psychotically.
Whacko: I always knew you’d come after me with your black trench coats and black helicopters, doing secret government experiments on innocent civilians—
Whacko: And those big-eyed little alien babies you keep in jars—
Page 19, panel 4
Jordan and Rivas look at each other.
Jordan and Rivas’s shared thought bubble: Uh-oh.
Rivas (teeny letters; quiet): You negotiate.
Jordan: Sir, the waitress is an innocent civilian--
Page 19, panel 5
The whacko hits a new level of psychosis. Grabbing Heather-Anne’s hair ornament—
Whacko: Then what’s this transmitter doing in her hair?!
Optionally, Heather-Anne screams.
Inset
The whacko’s finger tightening on the trigger.
Page 20-21
Splash page. Basically, just recreate what you did the last time with the new circumstance: things falling in slow motion, Rivas leaping like Batman, someone (probably Jordan) thinking, “So fast!” Rivas taking down the whacko. Maybe we see the gun going off harmlessly into the ceiling.
If it’s possible to show this, this is what Jordan’s doing (maybe this can take the place of the coffee cup or door falling in slow motion, or go along with it): He pulls out his gun… and fires… and the bullet hits the wall behind the empty space where the whacko’s head was an instant ago, before Rivas took him down.
Sfx: (as appropriate) BANG! Crash! Clatter! Slam! Etc!
Page 22, panel 1
Establishing shot of the interior of the diner. The whacko has been removed and there’s regular cops talking to the patrons. Jordan is in the background talking to two cops. In the foreground, Rivas is talking to a nervous Heather Anne. He also has Nick’s picture out. Make it clear that Jordan and Rivas are on opposite ends of the room and can’t hear each other. Or just do it the way you did last time.
Caption: Forty-five minutes later.
Page 22, panel 2
Focused on Jordan and the two cops.
Cop # 1: Why are the witnesses all telling me your partner’s Superman?
Jordan: They were scared. He saved the day.
Page 22, panel 3
Jordan turns to the other cop.
Jordan: He’s fast. But he’s not some mutant nanotech cyborg super-speed guy.
Cop # 2: Heh-heh.
Page 22, panel 4
Heather Anne is holding Nick’s picture now, looking indecisive. Try to imply in this panel and the last that she and Rivas have been talking for a while.
Heather Anne: I told you, I don’t know… I mean…
Rivas: We don’t want to arrest him.
Rivas: If he’ll stop writing viruses, we’ll give him a job with us.
Page 22, panel 5
Rivas holds out his card to her. He’s written something on the back of it.
Rivas: Please give him this note. Tell him it’s from Joe Rivas. We’ve spoken before.
Page 22, panel 6
Jordan and Rivas are heading out the door.
Jordan: The cops haven’t got any leads. What about the girl?
Rivas: I gave her my card. She said she’d ask her friends.
Page 23, panel 1
Psychic vision shapes.
Nick’s narration: Chely’s an assassin now. She can move a piece of glass into your throat, or break a blood vessel inside your brain.
Page 23, panel 2
Night. A woman stands outside a door. This is the grown-up Chely, now Rivas’ age. She’s got braces on both legs, and is leaning on a cane with one hand while she rings the doorbell with the other. Maybe some scars on her face, and/or an eyepatch, but in the traditional manga way of portraying such things, so she looks dashing rather than hideously deformed.
Nick’s narration: I miss her.
Page 23, panel 3
Rivas opens the door. He seems to have been getting ready for bed, and is wearing sweat pants and no shirt.
Rivas: Chely. You OK?
Chely: Just tired. It was a hard one this time.
Page 23, panel 4
Chely leans against the doorframe, exhausted.
Chely: I know it’s Saturday night, but—
Rivas: I’m not doing anything. You can have the bed.
Page 23, panel 5
Psychic vision shapes.
Nick’s narration: We’re not supposed to talk to each other.
Nick’s narration: I could tell on them. Why should they have their freedom and even get to see each other, when I have nothing?
Page 24, panel 1
Chely, alone in Rivas’ bed and apparently wearing Rivas’ pajama top, puts a little stand-up framed photo of thirteen-year-old Amber on the nightstand.
Chely: Goodnight, honey. Still miss you.
Page 24, panel 2
Wide shot of Rivas’ living room, which is spare, barren, impersonal. He’s sitting on the sofa, doing nothing, apparently staring at the blank wall across from him. Or if you think of some similar thing that would better convey an Edward Hopper-esque vibe of horrible loneliness and angst, do that instead.
Nick’s narration: But then I see more. And I keep their secrets.
Page 24, panel 3
Blank space before this panel; some time has passed since the diner episode. The car’s once more driving down the country roads. Later that night.
Page 24, panel 4
Jordan is asleep in the passenger seat with bags of take-out barbecue in his lap. His seat’s still fully upright, so he’s drooping forward, only held up by his shoulder belt, and looks really uncomfortable.
Page 24, panel 5
Rivas glances at him with something that, if you squint, might resemble tenderness.
Page 24, panel 6
Rivas reaches over and tilts Jordan’s seat back.
Page 25, panel 1
Exterior skanky motel. Still yet later that night.
Page 25, panel 2
Interior skanky motel. Jordan and Rivas are eating takeout barbecue in Jordan’s room.
Jordan: So… Obviously you’re some kind of mutant nanotech cyborg super-speed—
Page 25, panel 3
Rivas holds up a hand to shut him up.
Rivas: The Institute made some modifications to me. That’s all.
Page 25, panel 4
Jordan practically leaps up and down with excitement
Jordan’s thought bubble: COOL!
Jordan: Who do I talk to about getting modified?
Rivas: Wait for version 2.0. Mine hasn’t got the bugs out.
Page 25, panel 5
Jordan: So what went wrong with your eyes?
Jordan: Is it just light sensitivity, or is it something worse?
Jordan: Would they be damaged if you took off your shades?
Page 25, panel 6
Rivas gets up to clear his plate. Major avoidance here.
Page 26, panel 1
Jordan gets serious, maybe steps in front of him.
Jordan: I’m your partner, Rivas. I need to know.
Jordan: You didn’t tell me about the super-speed thing. You didn’t warn me you were going to jump the guy.
Jordan: I could’ve shot you.
Page 26, panel 2
Rivas turns around.
Rivas: That was a perfect head-shot, by the way.
Page 26, panel 3
Rivas sits down on the bed, with his feet on the floor.
Rivas: I can see things that are moving really fast. And I can see in the dark.
Rivas: But I can’t see well without the shades, and not at all in bright light.
Page 26, panel 4
Jordan sits on the bed too, but with his feet on it and shoes kicked off.
Jordan: But it’s worth it, right?
Page 26, panel 5
Flashback. Black borders. A surveillance camera film strip shot, but this time it’s of teenage Rivas, hair in a braid or ponytail, like Nick, alone in a room.
Jordan (off-page, continued): You can do things no one else can do.
Page 27, panel 1
Another flashback. Older teenage Rivas in a laboratory, hooked up to unpleasant-looking machines testing something or other.
Jordan (off-page; continued): I’m always struggling, you know? I’ve logged thousands of hours at the firing range.
Page 27, panel 2
Another flashback. Rivas carrying his dead partner, the blonde woman, through the rain.
Jordan (off-page; continued): And I’d still give anything to be better than I am.
Page 27, panel 3
Back in the motel room.
Jordan (continued): I’m nothing special. I just try hard.
Jordan: It must be nice to not have to try so hard.
Page 27, panel 4
Rivas taps him on the shoulder.
Rivas: Jordan?
Jordan: Yeah?
Rivas: Stop trying so hard.
Page 27, panel 5
Rivas stands up.
Rivas: We should get some sleep.
Page 27, panel 6
Jordan has caught Rivas by the sleeve. With his other hand, he traces letters across Rivas’s palm. S-T-A-Y-?
Page 28, panel 1
Rivas is closing the door. That is, he’s opened and closed it, but is still inside.
Sfx: slam
Page 28, panel 2
Rivas has his shirt off and is taking off and deactivating the wire he was wearing underneath.
Sfx: click
Page 28, panel 3
Posed oh-so-casually against the door.
Rivas: So, what did you want to tell me?
Page 28, panel 4
Jordan’s nonplussed, his shirt off and his wire dangling from his hand. Sweatdrop. He’s got a couple of scars, nothing too serious-looking— he shouldn’t look like Vash the Stampede— but enough to suggest that he’s been around the block a time or two. Rivas does not appear to have any.
Jordan: T-tell…?
Page 29, panel 1
Rivas: And people say I can’t take a joke. Come here.
Page 29, panel 2
The men are kissing. Rivas might have his back against the wall.
Page 30, panel 1
Still kissing. Jordan runs his fingers through Rivas’ hair.
Page 30, panel 2
Jordan reaches for Rivas’s mirrorshades to take them off.
Jordan: Take off your shades? I can turn off the lights.
Page 30, panel 3
Rivas catches Jordan’s hand to stop him.
Rivas: No.
Page 31, panel 1
Rivas traces a little scar on Jordan’s collarbone.
Rivas: Didn’t dodge fast enough, I see. Careless boy.
Page 31, panel 2
Jordan is having a hard time focusing on what Rivas is saying.
Jordan: Th- that is not what that’s from.
Page 31, panel 3
Rivas finds another scar, this one near Jordan’s nipple. With his mouth close to it:
Rivas: Didn’t obey the speed limit.
Jordan: That was a hostage situation!
Page 32, panel 1
Close-up on Jordan— Rivas is apparently doing something to him off-panel.
Jordan: Ah!
Page 32, panel 2
Jordan realizes something and pulls away a bit.
Jordan: Hey… don’t you have any scars?
Page 32, panel 3
Wider view of both men, shirts off, hair mussed, so hot the page is about to spontaneously combust…
Rivas: Look harder.
Page 33, panel 1
Jordan presses his lips against Rivas’ chest, sliding down.
Page 33, panel 2
Jordan’s nuzzling Rivas’ treasure trail (I don’t know if that’s a California-ism—it’s the line of hair that runs straight down the belly).
Page 33, panel 3
Rivas strokes Jordan’s hair.
Page 33, panel 4
On Rivas, still standing, his head thrown back.
Inset: Rivas’s ring-hand clutching Jordan’s shoulder.
Page 34, panel 1
The motel room. Perhaps the moon can be seen through a window. Rivas, fully dressed, stands looking down at the sleeping Jordan.
Inset: A note on the table by the bed. We don’t have to be able to read the words, but we should see that Rivas has drawn a map.
Alternate: use the two panels you already have, showing Jordan asleep at 3:00 am, then waking up to find the map.
Page 34, panel 2
Vision space.
Nick’s narration: If I was spying any other way, I could close my eyes.
Page 34, panel 3
Rivas with J. Anonymous Hustler. We probably just see this from the chest up, but they’re fucking against the graffitied wall of some nasty alley. The hustler’s cheek is pressed into the wall, and Rivas has his wrists pinned against the wall too, up over his head. It doesn’t get any more sordid than this. A total contrast to how he was with Jordan.
Nick’s narration: I’m tired of other people’s secrets.
Page 34, panel 4
Rivas hands the hustler some cash.
Nick’s narration: I can never tell any more if I’m jealous or sad.
Page 35, panel 1
Some sort of geographical marker in or in front of a rose field. (Because Rivas presumably gave Nick a specific location to meet him at.) A water tower would be good, if they have those in Texas rose fields. Maybe they’re on the road in front of a field, at a street sign or crossroad.
Nick and Rivas face each other. This is the wide, aerial view.
Page 35, panel 2
Rivas holds his shirt open: no wire.
Rivas: It’s OK: I’m not wired.
Rivas: Why’d you run?
Page 35, panel 3
Close on Nick; falling rose petals.
Nick: I had a vision of myself. I was drinking coffee with a pretty girl. It seemed worth it.
Nick: It was.
Page 35, panel 4
They face each other across the rose bushes.
Rivas: I wish I could let you go. But they’d just send someone else.
Nick: Just give me a chance.
Page 35, panel 5
Rivas comes a bit closer.
Rivas: Forget it, Nick. It’s time to go.
Page 35, panel 6
Nick pulls out a gun.
Nick: Back off!
Page 36, panel 1
Rivas is totally not intimidated.
Rivas: Where’d you get that?
Page 36, panel 2
A little tremor in Nick’s hands, if you can indicate that. He’s obviously never held a gun before.
Nick: Stole it out of some guy’s truck with anti-government bumper stickers all over it.
Page 36, panel 3
Rivas holds out his hand for it.
Rivas: Take your finger off the trigger. Your hands are shaking.
Page 36, panel 4
Vision shapes start to blend into a close-up of Nick’s face.
Nick’s thought bubble: Not now! I can’t have a vision now!
Page 37, panel 1
Rivas’s point of view: Nick, looking spaced-out, lets his gun-hand lower a bit, though it’s still aimed forward at Rivas.
Rivas: Nick? I can have it, then?
Page 37, panel 2
Rivas takes Nick’s hand in one of his, to take the gun away with the other.
Page 37, panel 3
Close-up on their hands as Rivas’ touches Nick’s. A flash of light, as when Chely and Amber’s hands touched.
Rivas’ thought bubble: So bright!
Page 37, panel 4
Blinding light.
Sfx: BANG
Page 38, panel 1
Back in the rose field. Rivas is on the ground, bleeding. Nick bends over him.
Nick: Did I do that?
Nick: Joe? Joe, I didn’t mean—
Page 38, panel 2
Jordan comes tearing into the field.
Page 38, panel 3
Close on Nick, hearing his footsteps.
Page 38, panel 4
Jordan pulls his gun.
Page 38, panel 5
Jordan’s point of view: Rivas on the ground and Nick running like hell.
Page 38, panel 6
Jordan is kneeling by Rivas, talking on his cell phone. I think he should have one hand over Rivas’ chest, suggesting that he’s done some kind of first aid or is at least trying to stop the bleeding.
Jordan: …Yes. The southwest corner of the rose field off of FM 158.
Page 38, panel 7
Dramatic close-up on Jordan.
Page 39, panel 1
Rose petals fall all through this page.
Jordan’s searching the rose field, gun in hand. We may or may not be able to see the black helicopter taking off in the distance or already in the sky.
Jordan: Nick! Nick! I don’t want to hurt you!
Nick (offpage): Let’s talk.
Page 39, panel 2
Nick and Jordan face each other across the roses, in a standoff.
Jordan: Give me the gun, Nick.
Nick: I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
Page 39, panel 3
Jordan: I know that.
Page 39, panel 4
Flashback: black border. About five minutes earlier. Jordan’s bending over Rivas, who’s regained consciousness.
Rivas: …Accident.
Rivas: Hold your fire.
Page 39, panel 5
Nick: I always liked Joe, back when we were kids together.
Nick: You never know how blue roses will grow. He and I are the same age. I might live forever… forever in a cage.
Page 39, panel 6
Nothing but the dialogue box, and maybe roses.
Nick: I hope I didn’t kill him.
Nick: Tell me: have you seen Joe’s eyes yet?
Page 40, panel 1
Nick and Jordan, rose bushes in between them.
Jordan: No.
Nick: He’ll live, then. That’s good.
Page 40, panel 2
Close on Nick.
Nick: I’m modified too. I have visions.
Page 40, panel 3
Just text.
Nick: He touched me when I was having one. It boosted my power.
Nick: I saw my entire future. Locked up underground, watching terrible things happen that I can’t change.
Nick: It’s pretty here.
Page 40, panel 4
Nick turns the gun to point up under his chin.
Nick: Tell him I’m sorry.
Page 40, panel 5
Jordan lunges for him.
Jordan: NO!
Page 40, panel 6
A flash of light—not the same one you use for the Project Blue Rose power-combining effect.
Sfx: BANG
Page 41, panel 1
Jordan’s got Nick down on his back on the ground and is lying on top of him, pinning his hands. Their faces are very close. Rip this off from the Saiyuki panel of volume 5 where Gojyo’s leaning into Hakkai’s face with his hair dangling down, while Hakkai stares back up, startled. A really intense vibe here.
The gunshot grazed Jordan’s temple, so a little blood drips from his face on to Nick’s.
Jordan: I’m changing your future.
Page 41, panel 2
Jordan yanks Nick to his feet.
Jordan: Now get the hell out of here.
Page 41, panel 3
Close up on Nick, shocked speechless.
Jordan (off-panel): Go!
Page 41, panel 4
Nick starts running.
Page 42, panel 1
Splash page. Some time later. Jordan’s holding Rivas in his arms. In the background, a black helicopter is coming in for a landing. Rose petals falling down (we’re such a pair of soppy romantics.)
Rivas: Sorry…
Rivas: Couldn’t lose… another partner….
Jordan: Me neither.
Page 43, panel 1
A hospital room with a security camera, probably disguised as a light fixture or heating vent. Rivas is in a hospital bed, unconscious, his chest bandaged, hooked up to an IV drip and maybe a heart monitor. He’s not wearing his glasses. Don’t do the usual manga thing where characters who’ve been wounded are still glamorous but with bandages—really make him look like he’s been through hell. You might try subtly making his bones a little more prominent, like he’s lost weight.
Jordan is sitting in a chair by his bedside, reading a book. He’s halfway through it and has presumably been there for hours. He’s got a little butterfly-closure type bandage at his temple.
Caption: An Institute hospital. An undisclosed location, USA.
Inset: The view from the security camera.
Page 43, panel 2
Close on Rivas. His eyes open. The pupils are slitted like a cat’s.
Page 43, panel 3
Jordan looks at him, but does not seem shocked. He holds up Rivas’s mirrorshades.
Jordan: The doctors took them off, but I figured you’d want them back.
Inset: Rivas’s hand reaches up, trembling.
Page 43, panel 4
Jordan puts the shades on for him.
Page 44, panel 1
Jordan still has his hands at Rivas’ face.
Rivas: They don’t bother you?
Jordan: Nah. But if you ever sneak off on me again, I’ll shoot you myself.
Page 44, panel 2
Rivas grins, teasing.
Rivas: Sorry if I made you feel cheap.
Page 44, panel 3
Jordan shifts his weight, carefully, casually, maybe glancing over his shoulder.
Inset: The view from the security camera. Jordan’s back is now partially blocking the view of the bed.
Page 44, panel 4
Hidden from prying eyes, Jordan takes Rivas’s hand. In the background, roses bloom.
The end
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Actually I enjoyed reading this a lot. The only other time I've had a chance to look at something like this was the script Neil Gaiman published for "Calliope" in Dream Country. Thank you for publishing yours here.
I went cheerfully over to buy a copy of the finished version, but your site still says "sold out" - I will send some e-mail ... .
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