A Quokka Dreeds its Weird

Have you been reading my reviews of obscure kids' books or obscure science fiction or obscure whatever and wishing you could lay your hands on them?

Via telophase: "In case you haven't seen it yet, the Open Library is now the National Emergency Library, which means you can borrow ebooks with no waitlist. They've got over a million books--I did a broad search last night for science fiction and fantasy, and they've got a ton of books, both well-known and obscure, from the mid-1990s and further back; adult, YA, middle grade, and kids. Especially when I got to the 1970s and 80s, it was like scanning the shelves at my childhood library and bookstore trips.

Formats tend to be epub, PDF, and encrypted daisy for print-disabled users."

If you need a different format, you can get them converted via this free and very easy service.

You can filter by genre and year (and other ways as well). I did a search filtering for "juvenile fiction" and "1980," and got the most astonishing transport back in time. Especially since they show the original covers!

Here are the books I recognized, most of which I don't own and haven't thought of in 40 years: No Such Thing as a Witch by Ruth Chew, Mr. Chatterbox, Bruno and Boots: Beware the Fish and Who is Bugs Potter? by Gordon Korman, Fables by Arnold Lobel, Choose Your Own Adventure: Space and Beyond, and Flutterby.

I was also disappointed to discover that The Girl Who Lived on The Ferris Wheel was not about a girl who lived on a Ferris wheel. The Ferris wheel was a metaphor for her abusive mother's moods. BOOOOO.

The whole experience was like stumbling upon the world's greatest thrift store bookshelf.

Here is my challenge to you, in a time when I think a lot of us have time on our hands and could use a distraction and community challenge:

1. Look up a year of your choice, and report back to me in comments about books you remember.

2. Download a book, read it, and report back on it in your own DW or here, as you wish.

3. Challenge me to read and report on something of your choice!

4. Post this in your DW, and let your readers challenge you.

While I was in Alaska I made some action figure accessories for Layla's collection. Check out my cacti, hideous pot, and tiny box of fake heroin here!

telophase has created a Newbery Award plot generator for all your Problem Novel needs, ready to create a needlessly depressing book suitable to teach innocent children that this world sucks and there's nothing you can do about it!

She made the generator, and I provided titles and plot elements from actual Newbery books and other awesomely depressing children's novels.

War Story

In the beginning, an alcoholic boy is diagnosed with ADHD after losing a finger in a cooking accident. Things seem to be looking up when he befriends a Holocaust survivor with cancer. But when his new friend dies in childbirth, he learns a valuable lesson about the hollow cruelty of the American Dream and that death is the end.

Please Don't Believe

In the beginning, a melancholy teenage boy is diagnosed with foot cancer after his parents enroll in clown college. Things seem to be looking up when he befriends a boy who was locked in a box by his abusive parents who gets mocked as "Box Boy". But when his new friend dies of the plague, he learns a valuable lesson about emotional labor and that sometimes people you love die in stupid accidents.

A Pie of Hot Soil

In the beginning, an alcoholic teenager is diagnosed with scleroderma after accidentally killing his best friend in a drunk driving accident. Things seem to be looking up when he befriends a man who just got out of solitary confinement. But when his new friend reveals their tragic past as a Holocaust survivor, he learns a valuable lesson about toxic waste and that people with cognitive disabilities make great friends, up until the point that they disappear and are never seen again.

If you enjoy the Newbery Generator, there are buttons on the right side of the page for telophase's KoFi and Patreon.

I have no idea how I obtained this book. This is not that uncommon for me, as I often grab books from used bookshops, garage sales, library sales and giveaway shelves, etc, and then don’t get around to reading them for years. And years.

I do remember why I obtained it, which is that I thought it was exactly what it said it was: a compendium of historical American recipes and cooking practices.

HA HA HA HA OH BOY WAS I WRONG. And wrong in the most serendipitous way. This book is so much more awesome than that, in the sense of the xkcd comic (“It’s like a sword, but awesomer.”) Had I known the wonders that awaited within its peculiarly metallic cover, I would have opened it way sooner.

While waiting for my bread to rise, I idly pulled it from the shelf, opened it at random, and read this:

Johannes Kepler was a well-known German astrologer. He was born in 1571 and died in 1630. His work on astronomy has long since been forgotten but his creating liverwurst will never be forgotten.

Um, WHAT?

Instantly riveted, I began flipping through. I found…

Spinach Mother of Christ

The Virgin Mary, Mother of Christ was very fond of spinach. This is as well known a fact in Nazareth today as it was 19 centuries ago. Her favorite music was that of the crude bagpipes of that time, and this also is a well-known fact.

Her recipe for preparing spinach spread with Christianity throughout Europe. On the eve of Christ’s birth in the cave that was called a stable, Her only meal was spinach.

And…

The person who named the muskrat should forever be ashamed of himself. If he had given it a nice name such as water opossum, water rabbit, or something of this nature, their carcasses would be worth more than their pelts are today. The name muskrat is simply not appealing to most people from an eating standard.

And…

Pate De Foie Gras was first made for Joan of Arc by one of her army cooks, Jean Baptiste Patrie who was from the goose rearing region of France. Herter then launches into a history of Joan of Arc which begins, Never underestimate the strength and courage of a woman who is really mad at you.

At this point, still trying to figure out whether this was a very elaborate parody or a batshit work of outsider art, I turned to the beginning. Best book opening ever, y/n?

In the lumber camp days and pioneer days the cooks learned from each other and the old world cooks. Each taught the other his country's cooking secrets. Out of the mixing came fine food, prepared as nowhere else in the world. I am putting down some of these recipes that you will not find in cookbooks plus many other historical recipes. Each recipe here is a real cooking secret. I am also publishing for the first time authentic historical recipes of great importance.

For your convenience I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap and also what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attacks, keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible.

Still perplexed and also cracking up, I looked up the author. Batshit work of outsider art it is!

I also enjoyed its Goodreads reviews, such as Holy god was this an AMAZING find at the used bookstore. While a little tough due to a disregard for commas, it's an amazing book to read out loud. With the Myan prediction of the world ending in 2012, I found the sections on what to do if a nuclear winter should occur particularly helpful.

I'd be a miss not to also give the virgin mother a shout out for her spinach recipe.

Also, it's golden. Literally.

And

One of my favorite things about Herter's books is that so many of them feature pictures of toddlers holding shotguns posing by dead animals.

I’ve flipped through this rather than reading cover to cover, but did spot praise for various Confederate figures, who in addition to being very fine men also invented chicken. There’s also a rant about the evil of women’s magazine editors who destroy the natural urge of women to bake by providing them with fake recipes that don’t work. So, general offensive opinions warning as I’m sure there’s plenty more like that, though I have to say that the plot to destroy womanhood via fake recipes for souffles that don’t rise provided me with more hilarity than offense.

In conclusion, the word "madrilene" used in cooking is strictly a phony.

Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices

We now have a hurt-comfort plot generator!

Under-Negotiated Kink
...leads to...
Comforter Is Purposefully Bad At Being Comforting

LA is right now enjoying an epic rainstorm - completely unexpectedly, at least for me. I just woke up and it was there. While I was making coffee there was a white flash so brilliant I thought it was a shorted wire, not lightning, and only realized what it was when thunder literally shook the apartment. The cats are edgy but not terrified, thankfully.

Please tell me about the weather right now where you are. I'm especially hoping to hear from everyone in the polar vortex.

I am enjoying the influx of new people and sudden activity of old. If you're looking for people to read and add, here are some fun and representative posts you might have missed:

The Beast of Gévaudan, aka that time France had werewolves.

Baffling lines in fiction, like "Cops go through girlfriends like veal cutlets."

A recipe for rainbow fudge. Can personally vouch for the beauty and deliciousness of this, in which each layer is individually flavored with raspberry, blueberry, orange pandan, and ginger.

Cozy mysteries about a lesbian chicken farmer in rural Yorkshire? Sign me up, please!

My favorite werewolf book and also some links to free online werewolf stories.

Tiny whirlpools. A morning glory, a hole in water, a speck of sun like a brilliant bee.

Poppies, umbrellas, history.

Femslash Exchange 2017 is open! The original fiction stories look especially tempting; also, there's Jane Eyre/Helen Burns. Off to read my gift story (resistance fighter/glamorous '40s singer) now!

Also, have two cats hugging:

My fandom stocking is up!

If anyone would like to take a look, it's from a fandom holiday gift fest. I wrote about what sort of stuff I'd like to get as gifts, and you can comment with fic, links, or other nice things. Comments will be screened and invisible until the reveal. It's sort of like Yuletide minus the matching, with no minimum length for stories and also non-story stuff allowed.

Many other people also have browsable stockings, so spread the love!

I am attempting a meme.

wordsofastory gave me...

rachelmanija and food.

Food is my passion. My first meeting with oyceter consisted of an hour-long discussion of tropical fruit. (Best tropical fruit: fresh lychees and Alphonso mangos. I have still, sadly, never had a mangosteen. Worst tropical fruit: custard apples. They taste fine. I just can't deal with the grainy AND slimy texture.)

One of the very best things about Los Angeles is the food. Even LA-haters cannot deny that this is a great city for food. We have great high-end fancy dining. We have excellent medium-priced restaurants. We have AMAZING low-end cheap food - taco kitchens at the back of corner stores, food trucks, guys with rainbow umbrellas selling fresh fruit - mangoes, soft young coconut, pineapple, oranges, cucumbers- that they slice up while you watch and douse in chili, seasoned salt, and lime.

People in LA love food. They are passionate about food. They photograph their meals and post them on the internet. They follow food trucks on twitter. They make earrings of teeny cupcakes and wear them to pastry shops. If you read the Chowhound board for Los Angeles, every single restaurant thread will have at least three posters claiming that it used to be good, but now it's gone downhill. This includes restaurants that opened last week. The sushi is always fresher on the other side of the freeway.

My grandmother used to say, "Food is love." I would say, "food is feeling." Food is memory. Food is culture. Food is passion. A bad relationship with food, or an illness that affects eating, or only bad food available will make you miserable in a way that goes way beyond the actual moments where you confront the problem food. Being able to enjoy food again is a shocking joy.

As I type, I am drinking a cup of coffee with powdered creamer because my milk ran out, and eating wafer cookies with black sesame cream.

rachelmanija and werewolves.

The biggest influence on how I think of shapeshifters is Ursula Le Guin's A Wizard of Earthsea. If you transform yourself into an animal, you think as an animal thinks. Will you remember how to become a human again? Will you still want to, when you can soar as a hawk?

To me, the most interesting thing about being a person who can become an animal is what it would feel like to be an animal. I can't know what that would be like, but when I think of the moments when I've thought the least and felt the most, when I've reacted most purely on instinct... they're all moments that felt, if not good exactly, very pure. Very clear. Stripped down to the basics. Usually, in fact, that does feel good. If it doesn't, it's because of context - like, you're fighting for your life. But that can feel good, too.

When I imagine being an animal, I think of a combination of being enraptured in the present moment, caught by the beauty of a sunrise or the taste of a peach, and of an adrenaline rush. Halfway between combat and meditation.

I'd like being a wolf, I think. It would be very tempting to stay one.

rachelmanija and fashion.

I had no interest in fashion until oyceter convinced me to watch Project Runway, and in between designers squabbling and having meltdowns, I started getting a sense of how different silhouettes and colors create different feelings, and the history of fashion, and why people get very passionate about matchy-matchy. Watching the designers dissect the designs and listening to them explain why they liked one dress and disliked another, I started seeing what they saw. And then I started having opinions.

I now own quite a few dresses. And shoes. And blouses. And skirts. I periodically poke through ebay and etsy, and I wear shoes to work that I bought in Paris. I have Betsey Johnson dresses and Prabal Gurung for Target shirts and a dress. I wear my matchy-matchy belt and shoes and smile to myself.

For myself, I like very girly dresses with fitted tops and skirts that swing. I like bright colors and jewel tones and patterns, and also slinky black and corsets. I like black leather jackets and Battenberg lace, and slashed tops and high boots and trench coats. I don't wear stiletto heels.

The main thing I learned from Project Runway is that fashion is supposed to be fun, and it's about wearing things that you like and that make you look good.

I used to think of it as this horrible game of one-upmanship and that it was all about desperately keeping up with the correct thing, or else everyone laughs at you. But now that I'm out of high school, I think of it as a buffet you pick and choose from, and a set of elements that, if you understand them, you can use to create a look that will say what you want to convey. It's like writing, if you think of it. You select the tropes, or you select the silhouettes and colors and shoes. If you do it right, you have said, and you feel, "Playful!" or "Sexy!" or "Badass!" or "Classic Elegance!"

You are embodying a feeling, not just a look. Sometimes you're embodying a story. See how these dressesconvey the sense of an atmosphere and a story? And these convey a different story.