A journalist's account of people who go missing in the American wilderness, often in national parks. Billman interweaves accounts of assorted missing people with an extended story about one, Jacob Gray, a young man who disappeared in Olympic National Park, leaving behind his bicycle and camping equipment - most spookily, a bow, a quiver of arrows, and four arrows stuck in the ground in a line. Billman befriended Gray's father Randy, and half the book is about Randy's search for his son, which involves getting to know psychics, Bigfoot believers, and other odd folk.

Billman has a quirky style, which is sometimes put to good use and sometimes annoying. The search for Jacob Gray was the less interesting part of the book for me; it has an aimless feeling despite its urgent purpose. It also quickly became clear to me, though not to Randy, why Jacob had vanished. He had begun to show textbook signs of schizophrenia, accompanied by depression, and by far the most likely explanation was that he had either gone off to die or had been driven by delusions or hallucinations.

The rest of the book, a rather scattershot set of accounts of other wilderness disappearances, was more interesting, though mostly as a basis for a late-night internet hunt as a number of them had either been found since the book was published, or they'd been found years before the book was was published and Billman just didn't bother to mention the outcome.

A lot of people vanish in the wilderness and are never found, and there isn't a national database tracking them. There are often jurisdictional issues for that, and some people get searched for a lot more than others. Indigenous women, women of color, people of color, homeless people, etc, often don't get searched for at all. White people, rich people, white women, and particularly rich white people may get massive search efforts.

There's a small cottage industry of woo and grifting centering around missing people, in which a key figure is the "Missing 411" guy, David Paulides, who is also a Bigfoot enthusiast. If you want to continue holding out hope for the existence of Bigfoot, don't click on this link.

Billman is skeptical of Paulides, but doesn't get into any depth as to why. This is the basic problem with Billman: no depth on the details. For instance, he says that a missing man's camera was found and the last pictures on it indicated that he was succumbing to hypothermia, but doesn't say what the pictures were!

I will give a little detail on my own skepticism about Paulides, and about woo-woo missing persons theories in general. Paulides says that the national park service is involved in a vast conspiracy to cover up disappearances (maybe partially true; there might be efforts to cover up incompetence or racism), and strongly implies that missing people were taken by UFOs, dimensional portals, and/or Bigfoot. He presents misleading statistics about missing people to make it seem like something spooooooky is going on, such as that they're often found near boulder fields (a very common feature of wilderness) or granite (the world's commonest rock) or water (can't imagine why a lost person would seek out water) or berries (ditto), and were seen by someone shortly before they vanished but then vanished the instant they were no longer within view (DUH), are often found naked or with missing clothing (paradoxical undressing), are found in an already-searched area (people are surprisingly hard to find in dense wilderness) etc.

In spooooooky missing persons cases in general, it is a very disappointing pattern that when you dig into the cases, it often turns out that the spooooookiest details are simply.... wrong.

Spooky detail: A man got on a bus which made no stops, but had DISAPPEARED FROM HIS SEAT by the time it arrived! His belongings were found on his seat! Passengers heard a loud, metallic snap right before he vanished!

Actual facts: He was last seen getting on the bus. That's it, that's the story. The rest of it didn't actually happen.

Spooky detail: A promising young producer suddenly fled a set, looking terrified for no reason whatsoever, and rushed madly down a cliff and into the woods, and was NEVER SEEN AGAIN!

Actual facts: This is true. The part that wasn't mentioned is that he was having serious mental issues preceding this. He probably had a panic attack or psychotic break, and got lost in the woods.

Spooky detail: The last known radio transmission of a vanished plane was "Danger like a dagger! I cannot escape!"

Actual facts: That didn't happen.

Spooky detail: A three-year-old child was found days after his disappearance, and said a bear took care of him. Definitely Sasquatch! Or A MAN IN A BEAR SUIT. Eeek!

Actual facts: This one is true! I think it's probably a case of the Third Man phenomena. A lost child seems likely to be comforted by the idea of a big, warm, friendly animal companion.

A lot of spoooooky stuff involves people not understanding how wilderness and getting lost in it operate. They find it suspicious that children are found alive more often than adults. How can a young child possibly survive??? Must be Bigfoot! This is pretty straightforward, IMO: children will get a huge search effort launched very quickly, as there's no chance of them having just gone to Vegas/a crack house/on a long trip, and their disappearance will be noticed almost immediately. Also, children have less ego involved and are much more likely to stay put once they realize they're lost.

The wilderness is huge and dense and easy to get lost in. Things that disappear in it can be very hard to find. People who are found alive often report that they saw helicopters or planes searching for them and failed to get their attention before one did spot them.

Read more... )

I don't particularly recommend this book but I would love to read something on the same topic but better. Ideally something that takes a skeptical position on Bigfoot, dimensional portals, and other woo. My absolute ideal would be a book or website or article (etc) that analyzes cases where the initial disappearance seemed very mysterious, then explains what actually happened and the reasons for the mysterious elements.
I recently googled to try to figure out if I was allergic to my new socks. (Yes, even after several washes.)

Causes of itching on the soles of the feet, according to Dr. Google:

1. Diabetes

2. Cancer.

3. Kidney Disease.

4. Biliary Cirrhosis.

5. Cancer.

6. Athlete's Foot.

7. Cancer.

42. Sock Allergy.

I drank nothing but celery juice for a week stopped wearing those socks and my diabetes, cancer, kidney disease, biliary cirrhosis, cancer, athlete's foot, and cancer was CURED!

I think I'll write a book.

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 104


Which title is most likely to make me rich?

View Answers

Calvin Klein Socks: The Hidden Cause of Cancer Doctors Don't Want You To Know!
1 (1.0%)

Are Your Socks Killing You?
34 (32.7%)

THE RIGHT SOCKS: The Most Powerful Medicine of Our Time Healing Millions Worldwide
11 (10.6%)

The Sock Cure: WEAR COTTON SOCKS!
1 (1.0%)

Socks: A Holistic Guide
2 (1.9%)

The Sock Plan: 4 Weeks to Boost Energy, Lose Weight, and Begin to Restore Health
23 (22.1%)

Socks: the Cure for Cancer, Diabetes, Cirrhosis, Alzheimer's, Kidney Disease, Diabetes, Heart Disease, Depression, and Obesity
4 (3.8%)

The Sock Cleanse: Sock Detox Plans to Revitalize Heath and Energy
26 (25.0%)

God Speaks on Socks
2 (1.9%)

A gift from [personal profile] nenya_kanadka via my request for weird books. I believe she got it for a quarter at a nun shop. Thanks! I think.

As you can tell from the cover, the disclaimer stating that This book is a Fantasy Sci-Fi, and the author’s alphabet soup credentials, this book was self-published; in this case, in print before ebook self-pub became a thing. You’ve seen books like this. They have dolphins and hot pink double helixes on the cover.



And now, I have read – well, skimmed - one so you don’t have to!

It begins, as they often do, with an explanation of how it all was dictated to the author in a series of dreams by Angelica, a being from the Pleiades, how lots of famous (not really) people agree that this is the truth, and how scientific discoveries/history/the pyramids prove it!!!!

This introduction is notable for the author explaining that he ate six mini-bananas while writing down the first dream; he will return to this later. Rather endearingly, each chapter is punctuated with his reactions to the dreams with comments like “Wow! This is so exciting! I can’t wait to find out more!”

The story (such as it is) begins with David, a prodigy who is telekinetic, telepathic, graduates from Harvard with three PhDs at the age of 16, and invents a universal translator and antigravity, and solves the energy crisis by age 18. This does not play into the plot (such as it is) as much as one might imagine.

The story is interrupted by a pair of full-page black and white diagrams of the Pleiades which prove that this is all totally real.

Special Agent Stafford said to Dr. Reinhardt, a psychiatrist, “I’m with NSA. Mr David Chartrand is a National Security risk. It will be necessary to sedate him heavily and strap him down before you do your doctor thing.

However, the psychiatrist is unable to do his doctor thing because Angelica teleports David to the top of the huge sports dome in Vancouver, Canada with five beautiful female Spiritual Beings from the Star system they call Pleiades!

(Why is it always the Pleiades in these books and manifestos?)

A long stretch of exposition ensues. The Pleiades built Stonehenge and the pyramids, David has the Quantum Love Gene which can turn bad guys into good guys, the Illuminati are after him, etc. Most of the book consists of reiterating and elaborating on this sort of thing.

At the end of this chapter, the author notes, I’m out of bananas this morning. Oh well, at least I have coffee.

We are introduced to Energy King Lucifer from the Planet Diable. There is a big and incoherent battle, which David and the other good guys win. The world has been saved! Everything is perfect! But the book is not quite over:



Angelica turned around to spring this incredible surprise on David. She had a twinkle in her eyes as she said to David, “You see, now that everything is said and done regarding the meeting, David, I have a surprise for you.”

David replied, “Good! I like surprises!”

With this, Angelica uttered the word, “Energize!”

The room began to glow with a bright white light. They heard the song of We are Spirit Light Beings.

We are Spirit Light Beings.
Having a wonderful human experience.

We are Spirit Light Beings.
Here for a moment in time and space.

We are Spirit Light Beings.
Learning to love again.

We are Spirit Light Beings.
Walking each other home.
We are Spirit Light Beings.



In case you were thinking, “But what about the dolphins? The cover promised dolphins!” a pool with two dolphins in it materializes in David’s living room.

As the Rev. Raymond J Pilon, BGS, ret. CSL writes,

THE END
I have no idea how I obtained this book. This is not that uncommon for me, as I often grab books from used bookshops, garage sales, library sales and giveaway shelves, etc, and then don’t get around to reading them for years. And years.

I do remember why I obtained it, which is that I thought it was exactly what it said it was: a compendium of historical American recipes and cooking practices.

HA HA HA HA OH BOY WAS I WRONG. And wrong in the most serendipitous way. This book is so much more awesome than that, in the sense of the xkcd comic (“It’s like a sword, but awesomer.”) Had I known the wonders that awaited within its peculiarly metallic cover, I would have opened it way sooner.

While waiting for my bread to rise, I idly pulled it from the shelf, opened it at random, and read this:

Johannes Kepler was a well-known German astrologer. He was born in 1571 and died in 1630. His work on astronomy has long since been forgotten but his creating liverwurst will never be forgotten.

Um, WHAT?

Instantly riveted, I began flipping through. I found…

Spinach Mother of Christ

The Virgin Mary, Mother of Christ was very fond of spinach. This is as well known a fact in Nazareth today as it was 19 centuries ago. Her favorite music was that of the crude bagpipes of that time, and this also is a well-known fact.

Her recipe for preparing spinach spread with Christianity throughout Europe. On the eve of Christ’s birth in the cave that was called a stable, Her only meal was spinach.


And…

The person who named the muskrat should forever be ashamed of himself. If he had given it a nice name such as water opossum, water rabbit, or something of this nature, their carcasses would be worth more than their pelts are today. The name muskrat is simply not appealing to most people from an eating standard.

And…

Pate De Foie Gras was first made for Joan of Arc by one of her army cooks, Jean Baptiste Patrie who was from the goose rearing region of France. Herter then launches into a history of Joan of Arc which begins, Never underestimate the strength and courage of a woman who is really mad at you.

At this point, still trying to figure out whether this was a very elaborate parody or a batshit work of outsider art, I turned to the beginning. Best book opening ever, y/n?

In the lumber camp days and pioneer days the cooks learned from each other and the old world cooks. Each taught the other his country's cooking secrets. Out of the mixing came fine food, prepared as nowhere else in the world. I am putting down some of these recipes that you will not find in cookbooks plus many other historical recipes. Each recipe here is a real cooking secret. I am also publishing for the first time authentic historical recipes of great importance.

For your convenience I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap and also what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attacks, keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible.


Still perplexed and also cracking up, I looked up the author. Batshit work of outsider art it is!

I also enjoyed its Goodreads reviews, such as Holy god was this an AMAZING find at the used bookstore. While a little tough due to a disregard for commas, it's an amazing book to read out loud. With the Myan prediction of the world ending in 2012, I found the sections on what to do if a nuclear winter should occur particularly helpful.

I'd be a miss not to also give the virgin mother a shout out for her spinach recipe.

Also, it's golden. Literally.


And

One of my favorite things about Herter's books is that so many of them feature pictures of toddlers holding shotguns posing by dead animals.

I’ve flipped through this rather than reading cover to cover, but did spot praise for various Confederate figures, who in addition to being very fine men also invented chicken. There’s also a rant about the evil of women’s magazine editors who destroy the natural urge of women to bake by providing them with fake recipes that don’t work. So, general offensive opinions warning as I’m sure there’s plenty more like that, though I have to say that the plot to destroy womanhood via fake recipes for souffles that don’t rise provided me with more hilarity than offense.

In conclusion, the word "madrilene" used in cooking is strictly a phony.

Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices

Last post provided some interesting, and I use that word advisedly, information in comments, which in turn provided more fodder for internet diet rabbit hole exploration. It was dark and humid down there. There was also some actually-cool info that was not about horrifying diets; I definitely recommend reading the comments if you missed them. Includes a discussion of cooking with cricket flour. I would try it. Seriously.

Here are a few highlights, by which I mean lowlights:

I was introduced to the monomeal. I propose it as the villain for the next Godzilla movie. Monomeal Stomps Tokyo!

Some diet freaks think fruit is bad. Others claim that fruit is the One True Way and each One True Fruit should not be contaminated by eating it with anything else, including other fruits.

Meet Freelee the Banana Girl, a vlogger who is scarily thin despite devouring 50 bananas every day and who once dated another vlog personality by the you-can't-make-this-shit-up name of DurianRider. You will be unsurprised to hear that she thinks chemotherapy rather than, you know, cancer kills people with cancer. And also that periods are a sign that you have toxins in your body, so if your period stops when you go on an all-banana diet, that proves that it's good for you.

My conclusion is that any time anyone says cavemen did anything and follows that with diet advice, their knowledge of cavemen consists of The Flintstones.

And also that anyone can get rich or at least Instagram-famous quick by coming up with an idiotic diet with a catchy name and a scientifically illiterate caveman justification.

I propose Monkey Meals (TM). You can eat anything you like as long as you eat five bananas first. Guaranteed weight loss! (Because bananas don't have many calories, but if you eat five of them before you eat anything else, you'll be too full and/or nauseated to eat much else. Seriously, I think this would work. For as long as you can stand it.) Like the monkeys they evolved from, cavemen ate lots of bananas. So as long as you eat enough bananas, you will be as healthy and skinny as a caveman!
For reasons that really don't bear rehashing, I spent the last two years getting told to go on diets. Every kind of diet. No "nightshades." No acid. No gluten. No dairy. Low-FODMAP (bans dairy, gluten, soy, legumes, and half of all fruits and vegetables.) Low-fat. "Eat nothing but bone broth that you made yourself, and if you don't simmer it for six hours, it's no good." "Microwaving food destroys its nutrients." At one point I had successive doctors tell me to go on a low-fiber diet and a high-fiber diet.

Every single diet-pusher, whether doctor or rando, said or implied (usually explicitly said), "If you don't do this, you'll never get better. Don't you want to get better?"

This was especially infuriating given that I was so underweight that I had symptoms of malnutrition. And also that in two years of dieting, there had never once been any indication whatsoever that my illness was caused by diet or that changing my diet was helpful. I eventually came to the conclusion that Americans are fucking insane about food and that a primary manifestation of sexism is controlling women by controlling what they eat.

Anyway, I am not dieting now. But now that I am slightly less likely to hit NEON RAGE APOCALYPSE at the word "diet," I clicked on a link and fell into an internet rabbit hole of diet advice. Like the evolved forager that I am, I bring you my findings for amusement, analysis, and mockery:

- A comparison of wild fruits and vegetables with cultivated ones, concluding that eating fruits and vegetables is unhealthy because they are unnatural and not what the cavemen ate.

By that reasoning there is literally nothing we can eat unless we get air-dropped into some untouched stretch of rainforest to forage for wild bananas.

- Eating fruit makes you fat.

- Humans did not evolve to eat fruit.

We're PRIMATES. Monkeys love bananas.

- Corn causes Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

- Corn causes ADHD.

- Corn causes autism.

- Corn causes cancer.

- Broccoli causes cancer.

- Hot water causes cancer.

The last one, from a study saying that drinking hot beverages can cause cancer, had the best response: David Spiegelhalter, a professor of the Public Understanding of Risk at Britain's University of Cambridge, said: "In the case of very hot drinks, the IARC concludes they are probably hazardous, but can't say how big the risk might be," according to the Australian Financial Review. "This may be interesting science, but makes it difficult to construct a sensible response."

- A Breatharian – as defined in the book A Year Without Food – is a person who chooses to live mostly, or completely, from Pranic nourishment. Israeli author Ray Maor claims that once Breatharians have trained their body to absorb this energy from the air and sunlight, they are no longer dependent on food. Many of them continue to taste food for enjoyment, but do not need it for survival, he says.

Umm.

- Brian J. Ford has suggested that ketosis, possibly caused by alcoholism or low-carb dieting, produces acetone, which is highly flammable and could therefore lead to apparently spontaneous combustion.

The Atkins diet will make you burst into flame!

- Our ancestors NEVER ate a carb. They ate meat and fat and that was it. On that diet, they grew, improved their lot, invented the wheel, survived in caves and hinted in groups.

Bad history aside (even in the Arctic, people ate seaweed and lichen), anyone who's ever lived in a small town or attended school knows that a major human activity is indeed hinting in groups.
I’ve been meaning to write this up for a while, ever since I pulled it off a dusty Little Tokyo shelf and bought it for a quarter, but it’s hard to do it justice.

The cover features an embossed black-clad ninja against a black background, with only his (rather Caucasian-looking, and light brown) eyes and katana visible. The title is in red. Above the title, in white underlined caps, it says The incredible true story! Below the title, also in white caps: In the quiet of a whisper, come the deadly soldiers of the dark.

Here’s the back cover: The amazing true story! From the ancient world of the Shogun to the modern terrors of Shibumi, here are the ninja and their arts of sudden death!

The overleaf claims that modern ninja are even better fighters than the old ones, because they have access to a wider range of techniques.

The book begins at a modern seminar on ninjutsu, taught by modern ninjutsu master Stephen K. Hayes. Hayes asks everyone what would make them willing to kill someone. Most give idealistic reasons; one says he’d do it for profit.

What we had seen impressed us. What we had heard in those last moments from those who attended from all parts of the country (we have no idea how many of them were truly ninja) was an introduction to the diversity of ninja thought—a microcosm of ninja philosophy.

Weiss and Philbin backtrack to do a decent, albeit totally lacking in citations, history of the ninja. Having cunningly laid down their four-page groundwork of history mixed with historical speculation, they promptly begin erecting an edifice of crazy (albeit rather touchingly enthusiastic) fantasy.

During World War II, for example, the Japanese high command had ninja-trained troops deployed to assassinate General Douglas MacArthur if and when the opportunity arose.

I confess, I would love to see a movie or manga about that.

But the ninja did not fail very often. Information on their specific World War II activities is scant, but according to Ron Duncan, a ninja practitioner living in New York, there were many strange incidents which had a ninjaesque quality…

But do not think that the ninja are a thing of the past!

In 1948, some ninja switched sides, or at least became employed by the CIA, says Duncan. … “As far as I know, there are still ninja in the CIA.”

He recounts the assault on the Iranian embassy by the SAS to rescue hostages: …the core members are in black, only their eyes showing through the hoods covering their heads. In short, they were in the uniform of the ninja.

“They were ninja,” says Duncan. “Absolutely.”


But wait! There is even more compelling evidence for the existence of modern ninja!

Someone told us that he was in Kyushu two summers ago and went into a room where there were five or six businessmen standing around talking. “It was only later,” he says, “That I learned they were all ninja.”

The rest of the book recounts ninja folklore, stories about ninja, and ninja techniques, interspersed with photos of black-clad guys sneaking around and climbing trees. The jaw-dropping chapter “I Am Ninja!” is about a boy ninja who gets revenge on an enemy by having sex with an insane prostitute and so infecting himself with a fatal venereal disease, and then presenting himself to his enemy as a catamite. But he rejoices at the success of his plan, even though it gets him tortured to death.

After all… he is ninja!
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