Today my Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits exploded

[rachelmanija]

While I was sitting peacefully in my kitchen, I heard a loud bang, immediately followed by a clatter. I turned around and saw a sight which I am now sorry I did not photograph. It consisted of the trash bag into which I had chucked a large unopened can of Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits upon cleaning out my refrigerator and discovering that they had expired months ago, the open and empty can standing upright all the way across the kitchen from the trash bag, and three uncooked buttermilk biscuits scattered across the kitchen, like pale cow pattys.

This is not the first time I've had something explode in my kitchen, but it was possibly the most spectacular.

Comments

[yhlee]

Your life is very exciting...!

[rachelmanija]

It would have been more exciting if they'd burst into flames.

[yhlee]

Are you trying to jinx yourself???

:p

[rachelmanija]

Actually, I found TWO cans of expired biscuits. The other one is still in the trash bag, as yet unexploded. I guess I should take out the trash now, huh? Should I label it UXB?

[yhlee]

Possibly...

*edges away nervously from your apartment*

[nenya_kanadka]

My wife says, "She should puncture the second can so it doesn't go off too!" I do not know if this would work or if said second can of biscuits has already been disposed of.

But hee. :D

[rachelmanija]

I forgot to take out the trash, and the second can also exploded. Oops.

[mme_hardy]

Your tag is just full of amazing Nicoll Events.

[rachelmanija]

Thankfully, generally with less profuse bleeding than actual Nicoll Events.

[torachan]

This fucking heat. D:

[rachelmanija]

I KNOW. I actually had to go hide at a friend's house for a couple days.

[loligo]

Isn't it convenient that you have a tag for events just such as this? *g*

[movingfinger]

The Biscuit Cannon, slowest-firing mortar known to humanity. It's the uncertainty that'll kill you.

(Better in the bag than in the fridge!)

[musesfool]

I'm always a little afraid when I pop one of those cans open that it'll be a lot more spectacular than I'm expecting. it's not quite the fear I have of opening champagne and putting someone's eye out, but it's close.

[sholio]

That's definitely more excitement than one expects to have in the kitchen.

[princessofgeeks]

wow. glad you were not in the line of fire at the time.

[rachelmanija]

I will now never know what it would feel like to be struck by a high-velocity uncooked biscuit.

[loligo]

Surely in a city as cosmopolitan as LA, you can pay someone to throw biscuits at you, if you *really* want to know -- or maybe if you go to the right bar, you can find a whole biscuit-slinging subculture!

[hederahelix]

that's pretty impressive distance for one can of biscuits. yay for it not happening whole you eere asleep?

[rachelmanija]

I think it would have been 50-50 between me sleeping through it and awakening the next morning to a perplexing sight, and me rocketing out of bed with likely ensuing damage to self and property.

[the_rck]

We had a roll of those biscuits explode in the car on the way home from the grocery store once. It was not the kind of sound that is reassuring in a car.

[rachelmanija]

I hadn't realized this was such a common occurrence.

[the_rck]

Once the package is somewhere warm, it's generally just a matter of time. It shouldn't happen in the fifteen minutes between the store and our house, but it did that time. Usually, it seems to take longer.

[movingfinger]

Oh my God. You'd think you'd blown a tire, wouldn't you.

[lilacsigil]

We don't have biscuits in a can here and now I'm rather glad!

[rachelmanija]

Apparently they are more exciting than I ever imagined.

[lorata.livejournal.com]

All you needed was for the dough to hit you in the back of the head and you'd be an urban legend!

[eos-joy.livejournal.com]

That...is amazing. *LOL*

Probably scary, but definitely funny, and OMG did you think "DISASTER - uh, no, wait. It's just pastry." or what? XD

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

My actual response, each beat of which lasted approximately one-third of a second:

- What was that???

- Didn't sound like a gunshot.

- It did sound like it was coming from inside the kitchen.

- Nothing in my kitchen should bang like that.

- Cat must have knocked something big down.

[Turn around]

- How did the biscuits fall off the TOP of the refrigerator…?

[Moment of enlightenment.]

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

"This is a 30-second biscuit can.... 29... 28..."

UXO

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Every now and then European schoolchildren find WW2-era live biscuit cans in fields or on the shores of rivers. You normally have to call a bomb squad to dispose of them.

[sovay]

This is not the first time I've had something explode in my kitchen, but it was possibly the most spectacular.

What were the other times?

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

I had a sealed container of yogurt dip explode inside my fridge with a loud bang.

[sovay]

I had a sealed container of yogurt dip explode inside my fridge with a loud bang.

Yeah. Outside the fridge is more dramatic.

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

This has happened to me, too! It completely scared the crap out of me (and my dog). I was standing in the kitchen when the can burst open behind me. Of course, my immedidate thought was, "I wonder how many people are injured by Pillsbury biscuit cans?" That would either be a totally embarrasing or completlely hilarious story for the Emergency Room, depending on circumstances (and story-telling capabilities).

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Of course they did.

[dancinghorse.livejournal.com]

Classic.

It's like that scene in Holiday Inn with the peach preserves.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

WOW!