The movie of our life

[rachelmanija]

My Dad believes that after we die, we watch a sort of movie of our life in which we see it with total objectivity-- not just what really happened, but without our emotions coloring what we see-- and not only what we did, but how it affected the people around us. Like It's a Wonderful Life, we see what our lives really meant.

I generally think I'm a reasonably good person. I'm flawed, and I have plenty of flaws that I could correct but I don't because I'm selfish or greedy or scared or lazy, but overall I think I have a pretty solid set of values that I do a reasonably good job of living up to. I'm not out saving lives or doing good on a grand scale, but partly that's because I tried being a professional do-gooder, and I found that I was only average at it and I also had a nervous breakdown. So I figured it was probably better for everyone if I devoted myself to becoming an excellent writer, which would be beneficial or at least entertaining for others, rather than by being a so-so doctor or lawyer or disaster relief worker.

I'm not knocking the power of art. I think art is valuable in itself, and can save people's sanity and sustain them in horrible times. And I'm not knocking being nice to the people in one's immediate surroundings.

I don't think that anyone decided to kill the poor people in New Orleans or Mississippi. I think there was a lot of incompetence, and a lot of bad luck. But decisions were made-- to gut FEMA's funding and hire a man with no disaster experience as its head, to plan for a hurricane but make no attempt whatsoever to plan to evacuate people without cars or the sick or the old, to refuse to let rescue workers and people bringing food and water in to help people who were drowning and starving-- that the decision makers knew would result in needless deaths. In legal terms, I believe that's negligent homicide-- you didn't intend to kill someone, but you knew that your action could result in somebody's death and you did it anyway.

I was trying to think of what could possibly be worse than the grand-scale negligent homicide of the last week or so, and since the only thing I could think of was concentration camps, you'll forgive me if I resort to bringing in Nazi analogies. Actually, I think what's going on in America is much more equivalent to some Third World dictatorship or nominal democracy, but since I'm Jewish, when I see horrible things going on, I think of Nazis.

So I don't see the difference between myself and some kindhearted German before WWII, when, let's say, the Jews were locked in their ghettoes but before the organized killing began. She's nice to her friends and she writes her uplifting books and maybe an article or two for an underground newspaper. And some of her friends think what's happening is wrong, and some of them think it's the Jews' own fault because they could have read the writing on the walls and fled, and some of them think bad things are happening but bad things always happen and it's really not such a big deal. And the only people she can convince are the ones who are already convinced. And even though in God's eyes or in mine, she's not at all a bad person, all her niceness and compassion and art and generosity and protest and kindness to others will go up in smoke.

Comments

[j-bluestocking.livejournal.com]

I've often thought that -- about the movie of your life. (Though I always called it the video of your life, I suppose because "movie" suggests to me a scenario and structure, while "video" suggests seeing the flat, awful truth about yourself in all its unedited rawness.)

Sometimes I think, "Damn that person for what they did that hurt me! They'll be sorry when they watch the video of their life!" Occasionally I manage to think, "I wonder what terrible things I'll see in the video of my life that I missed when I did them to others."

[sapphsmum.livejournal.com]

I saw a movie once where someone was looking into a pond at the beginning of the movie. At the end you see that they were watching their life through the reflection in the pond. I don't know he name of the movie, I wish I did because I have felt for a long time hat I was already dead and am looking through that pond as my life plays out before me.

Morbid, I guess.

Don't knock yourself for what you can't do, be grateful for the gifts (your writing) you do have to share with others. They are just as important!

Hugs Rachel, Christina

[si1verr.livejournal.com]

And without knowing you at all - and having had some of the same feelings - I'll say this: no, you and your German can't fix it all, can save them all, but neither is that a reason to give up entirely. Do we need to be perfect in order to do good? Do we need to save the world entire before we save a single life?

[willshetterly.livejournal.com]

You know the story about the person throwing starfish back into the sea? I've heard it in several versions, but I like 'em all. You've flung some starfish. You'll fling some more. Each starfish saved is one that wouldn't have been. And someone's likely to notice you flinging and do the same.

Okay, that's not as consoling as I'd like it to be. But you do have to remember that none of us get to save the world. At best, we only get to save a piece of it.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

It's hard to feel like you've done enough in a situation like this. It makes me think of that story about Tolstoy, I think it was, who just went around and gave away *all* of his money, because he couldn't keep any of it when there was such poverty and suffering around him.

Sometimes it helps me to know that what's important is to be aware and to try. I try to follow the precepts of Buddhism, in my tradition called the Mindfulness Trainings, but I'm also aware that there's no way to practice them perfectly--we can only try, can only approximate, can only do our best, which sometimes isn't going to feel like nearly enough, while also caring for *ourselves*, because we're important, too.

Which, I don't know--sometimes that helps, yes, and sometimes it doesn't.

[canandagirl.livejournal.com]

I've wondered how I've affected the people around me. I suppose when one thinks of good people, one thinks of Mother Theresa or someone similiar. I guess it's important to realize that one doesn't have to be a great and influential person to touch people. Think of all the people you've encountered in your life -- parents, friends, colleagues, classmates... some of those people you only had contact for a short time, but you may have made a big difference in their lives with an act of kindness you may not have thought about, and you need a movie of your life (or video) to see it. I know some people who aren't great, but have been kind and helpful. I won't forget them. I think you just have to try to be the best person you can, help others and be kind. You may help more people than you think.