Absolute Terror Field Full Metal Panic Apocalypse

[rachelmanija]

I remember that for at least a year after I learned to drive, I was always at least a little bit scared when I got on a freeway. But after a couple years of driving, I would merge and zip along with no more worries than I felt lounging on my sofa, as long as nothing went wrong.

(Like yesterday, when a simple non-freeway drive home included one driver anticipating the light turning green and nearly colliding perpendicularly to me as I proceeded through the yellow light, and then another driver doing the exact same thing when I had the right of way and they attempted to drive across the road despite not having any light at all. What the hell, people?)

And yet, though I have been writing seriously for many more years than I have been driving, every time I start something new or move into a new phase of something already started, like going from outline to script, or the first rewrite, or even just at random, I stare at the blank screen with the exact same amount of absolute terror that I presumably felt the first time I ever got the idea of writing professionally, and then sat down to write. (I don't recall that first time, but I'm sure I was just as neurotic then as I am now.)

Comments

[cleverpunition.livejournal.com]

This is the reason my novel is still thirty pages from being complete, after seven months. At one point, I had full-on anxiety attacks, just from sitting in front of the computer. No, seriously-- a PHYSICAL reaction. I swear, it's almost like I'm afraid of finishing it...

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Oh, I forgot to mention the fear of completing a project. That exists too. I assume because once it's done, there is no excuse to not show it to people, which carries the possibility of revealing it for the Worst Thing Evar.

[cleverpunition.livejournal.com]

Bingo.

And let's not forget the lingering anxieties that a.) you failed to do the piece justice or b.) it may be the best work you've ever done, and now there's nothing left.

oh shit. I probably shouldn't have reminded you, huh?

;)
~kym

[oyceter]

Yeah, me too. So far I have managed to avoid that for fic by telling myself assiduously that fic doesn't matter. (note: this is not to say that fic doesn't matter; I love it and think it does, but this seems to be the only way of psyching myself out so that I actually write instead of staring blankly at the screen)

Alas, that is not working for school papers, as I stared in terror at the blank screen for hours and hoped that my professor would not think I was stupid after reading it.

[coffeeem.livejournal.com]

I think it may be because, with writing, it's never the same highway, or the same car, or the same gearshift pattern. Heck, sometimes it's not even a car at all. A certain degree of gut-spinning terror may just be part of the normal response.

[gweniveeve.livejournal.com]

Hehe, for me driving got comfortable only up to a point -- driving in city traffic is always going to give me the heeby-jeebies because it's so stressful to have to drive so defensively on lanes that are still too narrow.

I am glad to hear that writing is still terrifying for you. It's not writing itself that terrifies me (I can ramble my head off) but the pressure to write something decent is still strong -- mainly when I'm in a time crunch. That gives me the worst writer's block ever.